Heinlein, Robert A – Friday

Then came replays of news tapes heard earlier so Janet cut the sound and put news streamers on the screen. I said, “Ian, assuming that I am to stay here until things quiet down in the Imperium-”

“That’s not an assumption; that’s a fact.”

“Yes, sir. Then it becomes urgent for me to call my employer. May I use your terminal? My credit card, of course.”

“Not your card. I’ll place the call and we’ll charge it here.”

I felt somewhat vexed. “Ian, I do appreciate the lavish hospitality that you-that all of you-are showing me. But, if you are going to insist on paying even those charges that a guest should pay herself, then you should register me as your concubine and publish your responsibility for my debts.”

“Reasonable. What salary do you expect?”

“Wait!” Georges demanded. “I pay better. He’s a stingy Scot.”

“Don’t listen to either of them,” Janet advised me. “Georges might pay more but he would expect posing and one of your eggs all for one salary. Now I’ve always wanted a harem slave. Luv, you will make a perfect odalisque without so much as a jewel in your navel. But do you do back rubs? How’s your singing? Now we come to the key question: How do you feel about females? You can whisper in my ear.”

I said, “Maybe I had better go out and come back in and start all over again. I just want to make a phone call. Ian, may I use my credit card to place a call to my boss? It’s MasterCard, triple A credit.”

“Issued where?”

“The Imperial Bank of Saint Louis.”

“From what the dog did in the night I deduce that you did not hear an earlier announcement. Or do you want your credit card canceled?”

“Canceled?”

“Is that an echo? BritCanBanCredNet announced that credit cards issued in the Imperium and in Québec were void for the duration of the emergency. So just stick it in the slot and learn the wonders of the computer age and the smell of burning plastic.”

“Oh.”

“Speak up. I thought you said, ‘Oh.'”

“I did. Ian, may I eat humble pie? Then may I call my boss on your credit?”

“Certainly you may . . . if you clear it with Janet. She runs the household.”

“Janet?”

“You haven’t answered my question, dear. Just whisper it into my ear.”

So I whispered into her ear. Her eyes got wide. “Let’s place your call first.” I gave her the call code and she did it for me, using the terminal in her room.

The streamers stopped and a procedural sign flashed on: SECURITY INTERDICT-NO CIRCUITS TO CHICAGO IMPERIUM

It flashed for ten seconds, then cut out; I let out a very sincere damn and heard Ian’s voice behind me. “Naughty, naughty. Nice little girls and ladies don’t talk that way.”

“I’m neither one. And I’m frustrated!”

“I knew you would be; I heard the announcement earlier. But I also knew that you would have to try it before you would believe it.”

“Yes, I would have insisted on trying. Ian, I’m not only frustrated; I’m stranded. I’ve got endless credit through the Imperial Bank of Saint Louis and can’t touch it. I have a couple of dollars Ennzedd and some change. I have fifty crowns Imperial. And a suspended credit card. What was that about a concubinage contract? You can hire me cheap; it’s become a buyer’s market.”

“Depends. Circumstances alter cases and now I might not want to go higher than room and board. What was it you whispered to Janet? Might affect things.”

Janet answered, “She whispered to me, ‘Honi soit qui mal y pense,’ “-I hadn’t-“a sentiment I commend to you, my good man. Marjorie, you aren’t any worse off than you were an hour ago. You still can’t go home until things quiet down. . . and when they do, the border will be open, and so will be the comm circuits, and your credit card will be honored again . . . if not here, then just across the border less than a hundred kilos away. So fold your hands and wait-”

” ‘-with quiet mind and tranquil heart.’ Yes, do,” Ian agreed, “and Georges will spend the time painting you. Because he’s in the same fix. You both are dangerous aliens and will be interned if you step out of this house.”