Last Chance to See. Douglas Adams

Richard became extremely fed up that evening, and with reason. It was nothing to do with eating too much, though it had a little to do with what other people liked to eat. A Mauritian friend came round to see him and brought her boss with her, a Frenchman from the nearby island of Reunion who was visiting the island for a few days and staying with her.

His name was Jacques, and we all took an instant dislike to him, but none so strongly as Richard, who detested him on sight.

He was a Frenchman of the dapper, arrogant type. He had lazy supercilious eyes, a lazy, supercilious smile and, as Richard later put it, a lazy, supercilious, and terminally stupid brain.

Jacques arrived at the house and stood around looking lazy and supercilious. He clearly did not quite know what he was doing in this house. It was not a very elegant house. It was full of battered, second-hand furniture, and had pictures of birds stuck all over the walls with drawing pins. He obviously wanted to slouch moodily against a wall, but could not find a wall that he was prepared to put his shoulder to, so he had to slouch moodily where he was standing.

We offered him a beer, and he took one with the best grace he could muster. He asked us what we were doing here, and we said we were making a programme for the BBC and writing a book about the wildlife of Mauritius.

`But why? he said, in a puzzled tone. `There is nothing here.’

Richard showed admirable restraint at first. He explained quite coolly that some of the rarest birds in the world were to be found on Mauritius. He explained that that was what he and Carl and the others were there for: to protect and study and breed them.

Jacques shrugged and said that they weren’t particularly interesting or special.

‘Oh?’ said Richard, quietly.

`Nothing with any interesting plumage.’

`Really? said Richard.

‘I prefer something like the Arabian cockatoo,’ said Jacques with a lazy smile.

‘Do you.’

‘Me, I live on Reunion,’ said Jacques.

`Do you.,

‘There are certainly no interesting birds there,’ said Jacques.

`That’s because the French have shot them all,’ said Richard.

He turned around smartly and went off into the kitchen to wash up, very, very loudly. Only when Jacques had gone did he return. He stalked back into the room carrying an unopened bottle of rum and slammed himself into the corner of a battered old sofa.

`About five years ago,’ he said, ‘we took twenty of the pink pigeons that we had bred at the centre and released them into the wild. I would estimate that in terms of the time, work and resources we had put into them they had cost us about a thousand pounds per bird. But that’s not the issue. The issue is holding on to the unique life of this island. But within a short time all of those birds we had bred were in casseroles. Couldn’t believe it. We just couldn’t believe it.

‘Do you understand what’s happening to this island? It’s a mess. It’s a complete ruin. In the fifties it was drenched with DDT which found its way straight into the food chain. That killed off a lot of animals. Then the island was hit with cyclones. Well, we can’t help that, but they hit an island that was already terribly weakened by all the DDT and logging, so they did irreparable damage. Now with the continued logging and burning of the forest there’s only ten per cent left, and they’re cutting that down for deer hunting. What’s left of the unique species of Mauritius is being overrun by stuff that you can find all over the world – privet, guava, all this crap.

`Here, look at this.’

He handed the bottle to us. It was a locally brewed rum called Green Island.

`Read what it says on the bottle.’

Underneath a romantic picture of an old sailing ship approaching an idyllic tropical island was a quotation from Mark Twain, which read, ‘You gather the idea that Mauritius was made first and then heaven; and that heaven was copied after Mauritius.’

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