“And were there no women in your life?”
He could see her fighting this purely worldly curiosity; but he thought it a good sign that she wanted to know.
“My father arranged my marriage with Julia when I was very young,” he said carefully. One day she would have to know about Eilan and their son, but not yet. “And as you may know, my wife has taken a vow of chastity, which means I am alone,” he said sadly. Outside, the thunder crashed.
She said, “I should not say this, and I am certain Father Petros would not approve, but that seems not fair dealing. I know that a vow of chastity is supposed to be the best of all ways to live, but when she has pledged herself to you —”
“If you were married to me, would you take such a vow?”
She flushed again, but said seriously, “I would not. The learned Paulus wrote that those who were married should continue in that state, and those who were not married should not marry.”
“If I had married you, you would have taken your vows more seriously than Julia,” he said softly.
“I could never be untrue to a vow to you.”
“And you have not taken vows in the Forest House?” She was still looking at the floor, but Gaius moved a little closer, feeling the blood run faster beneath his skin.
“I have not,” she said. “They have all been very kind to me, and asked very little, but I cannot serve their Goddess without giving up my Roman heritage. I will have to decide soon.”
“There is another alternative.” His voice grew hoarse as he took in the sweet scent of her hair, but he kept it low. “Julia has forfeited her rights as my wife by her vow of chastity, and we were married by Roman, not by Christian rites. I would marry you, Senara — or Valeria, as your mother called you. Your uncle Valerius is a good man; he would be happy if I were to take you away from here.”
He heard her breath catch. She was like some bright bird hovering almost within reach of his hand, like Eilan when she came to him at Beltane so many years ago. But Eilan and Julia had rejected him; they were shadows, banished by the living reality of this girl who stood so close to him now.
“If only it could be,” she whispered. “Where would we go?”
“To Londinium, or even to Rome. Great changes are coming. I can tell you no more, but there is nothing we might not do, together, if you would come with me!”
Not to touch her then seemed the hardest thing he had ever done, for he was mad now with uncertainty and need. But he knew that if he did he would lose her. Senara looked up and he faced her, letting the ardor that filled him glow in his eyes.
She did not flee. Trembling, she said softly, “I wish I knew what to do.”
Be mine, he said silently. Help me to raise my son! Surely, she would accept Gawen. That was why he needed her, after all, and not some wealthy Roman maiden who would despise Gawen’s British blood. It was for the sake of the boy . . .
Now, at last, Gaius dared caress her; she did not pull away, but he felt her tremble at his touch. Afraid to frighten her, he lifted his hands.
“Oh, what shall I do? God help me,” she whispered, turning her head so that her cheek lay against his hand.
“I think,” he whispered into her ear, “that it must be your God who has brought us together.”
“God grant you are right.”
“I will go to your uncle and get his authority to take you from the Forest House. Be ready to leave when I come for you,” he said. “By the time the next moon has waned you will be on your way to Londinium with me.”
Once again, with a great effort, he did not touch her. He had his reward when she shyly stood on tiptoe and whispered, “My brother, let us exchange the kiss of peace.”