“It was about a year afterward that Lhiannon came. She would never have suspected that a girl so young could already be impure -and by the time I came to trust her and believe in her goodness, it was too late; I feared I should be sent away. So, after all, that divinity you thought you saw in me is all a lie,” she said harshly. “If Lhiannon had known, I should never have been made priestess -but I made sure she never knew.” She turned her face away. For a moment that seemed far too long, there was silence.
“Look at me -”
Caillean found her gaze drawn back to the child and saw Eilan’s face, one side Goddess-bright and the other in shadow.
“I believe in you,” said the girl gravely.
Caillean drew a shaken breath and Eilan’s image was blurred by her tears.
“I live only because I believe that the Goddess forgives me as well,” the priestess said. “I had already received my first initiation before I understood the enormity of my deception. But there were no evil omens. When they made me priestess I waited for a thunderbolt, but none came. I wondered then if perhaps there are no gods, or if there are, they care nothing for the doings of humankind.”
“Or perhaps they are more merciful than men,” said Eilan, then blinked as if amazed at her own temerity. It had never occurred to her to question the wisdom of men like her father and grandfather before. “Why did you leave your tower by the sea?” Eilan prompted after a time.
Caillean, lost in memory, started and said, “Because of the destruction of the shrine on Mona — you know that story?”
“My grandfather — he is a bard – has sung it. But surely that was before you were born —”
“Not quite,” Caillean laughed. “But I was still a child. If Lhiannon had not been in Eriu, which you call Hibernia, at the time, she too would have died. For some years after that disaster the remaining Druids of Britain were too busy licking their wounds to take much thought for their priestesses. Then the Arch-Druid made some kind of treaty with the Romans that ensured sanctuary for the surviving sacred women within Roman lands.”
“With the Romans!” Eilan exclaimed. “But it was the Romans who killed the others!”
“No, they only despoiled them,” said Caillean bitterly. “The priestesses of Mona lived long enough to bear the bastards the Romans had begotten on them, then killed themselves. The children were fostered out to loyal families like your own.”
“Cynric!” exclaimed Eilan with a look of sudden comprehension. “That is why he is so bitter about the Romans, and always wants to hear the story of Mona, though it happened so long ago. They always hushed me when I asked about it before!”
“Your Cynric the Roman-hater has exactly as much Roman blood as that boy your father refused to let you marry,” said Caillean, laughing. But Eilan hugged her arms and stared into the fire.
“Don’t you believe me?” asked the priestess. “It is all too true. Well, perhaps the Romans feel some guilt for what was done, but your grandfather is as wily a political animal as any Roman senator, and he bargained with Cerealis, who was Governor before Frontinus. At any rate the Forest House was built at Vernemeton to shelter women and priestesses from the whole of Britain. And at last Lhiannon became High Priestess and a place was made for me among them, mostly because they did not know what else to do with me. I have attended Lhiannon since I was a little child, but I am not to succeed her. That has been made clear to me.”
“Why not?”
“At first I thought it was the will of the Goddess . . .because of what I told you. But now I believe that it is because the priests cannot trust me to obey. I love Lhiannon, but I see her clearly, and I know that she will bend with the wind. Perhaps the only time she ever defied the Council was when she insisted on keeping me. But I see through their plots and speak my mind, though not,” she shook her head ruefully, “as I have spoken to you!”