No animal had eyes like that, but Vimes saw them occasionally in some of AnkhMorpork’s less salubrious drinking establishments, where if you were lucky you’d get out the door before the drink turned you blind.
Colon called that sort of person a ‘bottle covey’, Nobby preferred ‘soddin’ nutter’ but whatever the name Vimes recognized a headbutting, eye-gouging, down-and-dirty bastard when he saw one. In a fight you’d have no alternative but to lay him out or cut him down, because otherwise he’d do his very best to kill you. Most bar fighters wouldn’t usually go that far, because killing a copper was known to be bad news for the murderer and anyone else who knew him, but your true nutter wouldn’t worry about that because, while he was fighting, his brain was somewhere else.
Wolf smiled. ‘There is a problem, your grace?’
‘What? No. Just … thinking. I feel I’ve met you before … ?’
‘You called on my father this morning.’
‘Ah, yes.’
‘We don’t always change for visitors, your grace,’ said Wolf. There was an orange light in his eyes now. Until then Vimes had thought that ‘glowing eyes’ was just a figure of speech.
‘If you’ll excuse me, I do need to talk to the Ideas Taster for a moment,’ said Vimes. ‘Politics.’
Dee followed him into a quiet spot. ‘Yes?’
‘Did Dozy go to the Scone Cave at the same time every day?’
‘I believe so. It depended on his other duties.’
‘So he didn’t go in at the same time every day. Right. When does the guard change?’
‘At each three o’clock.’
‘Did he go in before the guards change or afterwards?’
‘That would depend on-‘
‘Oh dear. Don’t the guards write anything down?’
Dee stared at Vimes. ‘Are you saying he could have gone in twice in one day?’
‘Very good. But I’m saying someone might have. A dwarf comes up in a boat alone, carrying a couple of candles. Would the guards take that much interest? And if another dwarf carrying a couple of candles came up an hour or so later, when the new guards were there … well, is there any real risk? Even if our faker was noticed he’d just have to mutter something about … oh, bad candles or something. Damp wicks. Anything.’
Dee looked distant. ‘It’s still a great risk,’ he said at last.
‘If our thief was keeping an eye on the guard changes, and knew where the real Dozy was, it’d be worth it, wouldn’t it? For the Scone?’
Dee shuddered and then nodded. ‘In the morning the guards will be closely questioned,’ he said.
‘By me.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I know what kind of questions get answers. We’ll set up an office here. We’ll find out the movements of everyone and talk to all the guards, Okay? Even the ones on the gates. We’ll find out who went in and out.’
‘You already think you know something.’
‘Let’s say some ideas are forming, shall we?’
‘I will … see to matters.’
Vimes straightened up and walked back to Lady Sybil, who stood like an island in a sea of dwarfs. She was talking animatedly to several of them who Vimes vaguely recognized as performers in the opera.
‘What have you been up to, Sam?’ she said.
‘Politics, I’m afraid,’ said Vimes. ‘And trusting my instincts. Can you tell me who’s watching. us?’
‘Oh, it’s that game, is it?’ said Sybil. She smiled happily, and in the tones of someone chatting about inconsequential things said, ‘Practically everyone. But if I was handing out prizes I’d choose the rather sad lady in the little group just off to your left. She’s got fangs, Sam. And pearls, too. They don’t exactly accessorize.’
‘Can you see Wolfgang?’
‘Er, no, not now you come to mention it. That’s odd. He was around a moment ago. Have you been upsetting people?’
‘I think I may let people upset themselves,’ said Vimes.
‘Good for you. You do that so well.’
Vimes half turned, like someone just taking in the view. In amongst the human guests the dwarfs moved and clustered. Five or six would come together and talk animatedly. Then one would drift away and join another group. He might be replaced. And sometimes an entire group would spread out like the debris of an explosion, each member heading towards another group.
Vimes got the impression that there was a kind of structure behind all this, some slow, purposeful dance of information. Mineshaft meetings, he thought. Small groups, because there wouldn’t be room for more. And you don’t talk too loudly. And then when the group decides, every member is an ambassador for that decision. The word spreads out in circles. It’s like running a society on formal gossip.
It occurred to him that it was also a way in which two plus two could be debated and weighed and considered and discussed until it became four-and-a-bit, or possibly an egg.*
Occasionally a dwarf would stop and stare before hurrying away.
‘We’re supposed to go in for supper, dear,’ said Sybil, indicating the general drift towards a brightly lit cave.
*Vimes had once discussed the Ephebian idea of ‘democracy’ with Carrot, and had been rather interested in the idea that everyonet had a vote until he found out that while he, Vimes, would have a vote, there was no way in the rules that anyone could prevent Nobby Nobbs from having one as well. Vimes could see the flaw there straight away.
*Apart from the women, children, slaves, idiots and people who weren’t really our kind of people.
‘Oh dear. Quaffing, do you think? Rats on sticks? Where’s Detritus?’
‘Over there, talking to the cultural attache from Genua. That’s the man with the glazed expression.’
As they got closer Vimes heard Detritus’s voice in full expansive explanation:
‘-and den der’s dis big room wid all seats in it, wid red walls and dem big gold babies climbin’ up der pillar, only don’t worry, ‘cos dey’re not real gold babies, dey’re only made of plaster or somethin’ …’ There was a pause as Detritus considered matters. ‘An’ also I don’t reckon it’s real gold, neither, ‘cos some bugger’d have pinched it if it was … and in front of der stage der’s dis big pit where all der musicians sits. And days about it for dat room. In der next room der’s all dese marble pillars, an’ on der floor dey got red carpeting-‘
‘Detritus?’ said Lady Sybil. ‘I do hope you’re not monopolizing this gentleman.’
‘No, I bin tellin’ him all about der culture we got in AnkhMorpork,’ said Detritus airily. ‘I know just about every inch of der op’ra house.’
‘Yes,’ said the cultural attache in a stunned voice. ‘And I must say I’m particularly interested in visiting the art gallery and seeing’ – he shuddered – “‘der picture of dis woman, I don’t reckon der artist knew how to do a smile prop’ly, but der frame’s got to be worth a bob or two.” It sounds like the experience of a lifetime. Good evening to you.’
‘You know, I don’t fink he knows a lot of culture,’ said Detritus as the man strode away.
‘Do you think people will miss us if we slip away?’ said Vimes, looking around. ‘It’s been a long day and I want to think about things-‘
‘Sam, you are the ambassador, and AnkhMorpork is a world power,’ said Sybil. ‘We can’t just sneak off! People will comment.’
Vimes groaned. So Inigo was right: when Vimes sneezes, AnkhMorpork blows its nose.
‘Your excellency?’
He looked down at two dwarfs.
‘The Low King will see you now,’ said one of them.
‘Er. ..’
‘We will have to be officially .presented,’ Lady Sybil hissed.
‘What, even Detritus?’
‘Yes!’
‘But he’s a troll!’ It had seemed amusing at the time.
Vimes was aware of a drift in the crowds across the floor of the huge cave. There was a certain movement to them, a flow in the current of people towards one end of the cave. There was really no option but to join it.
The Low King was on a small throne under one of the chandeliers. There was a metal canopy over it, already encrusted with marvellous stalactites of wax.
Around him, watching the crowd, were four dwarfs, tall for dwarfs, and looking rather menacing in their dark glasses. Each one was holding an axe. They spent all their time staring hard at people.
The King was talking to the Genuan ambassador. Vimes looked sideways at Cheery and Detritus. Suddenly, bringing them here wasn’t such a good idea. In his official robes the King looked a lot more … distant, and a lot harder to please.
Hang on, he told himself. They are AnkhMorpork citizens. They’re not doing anything wrong. And then he argued: they’re not doing anything wrong in AnkhMorpork.
The line moved along. Their party was almost in the presence. The armed dwarfs were all watching Detritus now, and holding their axes in a slightly less relaxed way. Detritus appeared not to notice.