hundred dollars that’s meant for your college tuition, and you don’t
want to say what you’re going to do with it?”
“Mama, please. After all, I earned it.”
The consternation turned to anger. “Now you listen to me and listen
good, young lady. Your father does well enough at his law practice,
but he doesn’t do all that well. He’s not F. Lee Bailey. You want to
go to college, and college is expensive these days. You’re going to
have to help pay for it. In fact you’re going to have to pay for most
of it. We’ll let you live here, of course, and we’ll pay for your
food, your clothes, your medical bills, while you’re going to the
junior college, but you’ll have to meet the tuition out of your
savings. When you go away to the university in a couple of years,
we’ll send you some money for living expenses, but you’ll have to pay
for that tuition, too. We just can’t do more than that. We’ll be
sacrificing as it is.”
If you didn’t spend so much money trying to impress Father O’Hara with
your devotion to St. Mary’s Church, if you and Daddy didn’t contribute
a tithe and a half to show what good people you are, maybe you’d be
able to do more for your own children, Amy thought. Charity starts at
home, Mama.
Isn’t that what the Bible tells us? Besides, if you hadn’t made me
tithe to St. Mary’s, I’d have that extra four hundred bucks now that I
need it.
Amy wished she could say all of that, but she didn’t dare. She didn’t
want to completely alienate her mother before she even had a chance to
mention the pregnancy. Anyway, no matter how she tried to express what
she was thinking, no matter what words she chose, she would sound petty
and selfish.
But she wasn’t selfish, damn it.
She knew it was a good thing to give money to the Church, but there had
to be limits. And you had to give for the right reasons. Otherwise it
didn’t mean anything. Sometimes Amy suspected that her mother hoped to
buy a place in Heaven, and that was definitely the wrong reason to give
to the Church.
Amy forced herself to look up at her mother and smile. “Mama, I’ve
already got that small scholarship for next year. If I work real hard
I’ll probably get scholarships every year, even if they’re all just
small ones. And I’ll be working at The Dive summers and weekends.
With what I’ll be earning, plus what I’ve got in the bank already, I’ll
have more than enough to pay for my own way. By the time I get to Ohio
State, I won’t need to ask you and Daddy for help, not even for living
expenses. I can spare that four hundred dollars right now, Mama. I
can spare it easy.” “No,” Mama said. “And don’t think you can sneak
behind my back and get the money on your own hook. My name’s on that
account along with yours. You’re still a minor, don’t forget. As long
as I can, I’m going to protect you from yourself. I’m not letting you
throw your college money away on trendy new clothes you don’t need or
on some other silly bauble you’ve just seen in a store window.”
“It isn’t new clothes I want, Mama.” “Whatever. I won’t let you–”
“It’s not a silly bauble I want, either.”
“I don’t care what sort of foolishness–” “An abortion,” Amy said.
Her mother gaped at her. “What?”
Touched off by a fuse of fear, the words exploded from Amy: “I’ve had
some morning sickness, I missed my period, I’m really pregnant, I know
I am, Jerry Galloway got me pregnant, I didn’t mean for it to happen,
I’m so sorry it happened, so very sorry, I hate myself, I really do, I
really hate myself, but I have to get an abortion, I’ve just got to
have one, please, please, I’ve just got to.”
Mama’s face suddenly turned white, chalkwhite. Even her lips were
pale.
“Mama? Do you understand that I can’t possibly have this baby? I just