The Journal to Stella by Jonathan Swift

LETTER 9.

38

The Journal to Stella

I have slipped off Raymond upon some of his countrymen, to show him the town, etc., and I lend him Patrick. He desires to sit with me in the evenings; upon which I have given Patrick positive orders that I am not within at evenings.

LETTER 10.

LONDON, Nov. 25, 1710.

I will tell you something that’s plaguy silly: I had forgot to say on the 23d in my last, where I dined; and because I had done it constantly, I thought it was a great omission, and was going to interline it; but at last the silliness of it made me cry, Pshah, and I let it alone. I was to−day to see the Parliament meet; but only saw a great crowd; and Ford and I went to see the tombs at Westminster, and sauntered so long I was forced to go to an eating− house for my dinner. Bromley[1] is chosen Speaker, nemine contradicente: Do you understand those two words? And Pompey, Colonel Hill’s[2] black, designs to stand Speaker for the footmen.[3] I am engaged to use my interest for him, and have spoken to Patrick to get him some votes. We are now all impatient for the Queen’s speech, what she will say about removing the Ministry, etc. I have got a cold, and I don’t know how; but got it I have, and am hoarse: I don’t know whether it will grow better or worse. What’s that to you? I won’t answer your letter to−night. I’ll keep you a little longer in suspense: I can’t send it. Your mother’s cakes are very good, and one of them serves me for a breakfast, and so I’ll go sleep like a good boy.

26. I have got a cruel cold, and stayed within all this day in my nightgown, and dined on sixpennyworth of victuals, and read and writ, and was denied to everybody. Dr. Raymond[4] called often, and I was denied; and at last, when I was weary, I let him come up, and asked him, without consequence, how Patrick denied me, and whether he had the art of it? So by this means he shall be used to have me denied to him; otherwise he would be a plaguy trouble and hindrance to me: he has sat with me two hours, and drank a pint of ale cost me fivepence, and smoked his pipe, and it is now past eleven that he is just gone. Well, my eighth is with you now, young women; and your seventh to me is somewhere in a post−boy’s bag; and so go to your gang of deans, and Stoytes, and Walls, and lose your money; go, sauceboxes: and so good−night, and be happy, dear rogues. Oh, but your box was sent to Dr. Hawkshaw by Sterne, and you will have it with Hawkshaw, and spectacles, etc., etc.

27. To−day Mr. Harley met me in the Court of Requests,[5] and whispered me to dine with him. At dinner I told him what those bishops had done, and the difficulty I was under. He bid me never trouble myself; he would tell the Duke of Ormond the business was done, and that he need not concern himself about it. So now I am easy, and they may hang themselves for a parcel of insolent, ungrateful rascals. I suppose I told you in my last, how they sent an address to the Duke of Ormond, and a letter to Southwell, to call on me for the papers, after the thing was over; but they had not received my letter, though the Archbishop might, by what I writ to him, have expected it would be done. Well, there is an end of that; and in a little time the Queen will send them notice, etc. And so the methods will be settled; and then I shall think of returning, although the baseness of those bishops makes me love Ireland less than I did.

28. Lord Halifax sent to invite me to dinner; where I stayed till six, and crossed him in all his Whig talk, and made him often come over to me. I know he makes court to the new men, although he affects to talk like a Whig. I had a letter to−day from the Bishop of Clogher; but I writ to him lately, that I would obey his commands to the Duke of Ormond. He says I bid him read the London “Shaver,” and that you both swore it was “Shaver,” and not “Shower.”[6] You all lie, and you are puppies, and can’t read Presto’s hand. The Bishop is out entirely in his conjectures of my share in the Tatlers.I have other things to mind, and of much greater importance;[7] else I have little to do to be acquainted with a new Ministry, who consider me a little more than Irish bishops do.

LETTER 10.

39

The Journal to Stella

29. Now for your saucy, good dear letter: let me see, what does it say? come then. I dined to−day with Ford, and went home early; he debauched[8] me to his chamber again with a bottle of wine till twelve: so good−night. I cannot write an answer now, you rogues.

30. To−day I have been visiting, which I had long neglected; and I dined with Mrs. Barton alone; and sauntered at the Coffee−house till past eight, and have been busy till eleven, and now I’ll answer your letter, saucebox. Well, let me see now again. My wax candle’s almost out, but however I’ll begin. Well then, do not be so tedious, Mr. Presto; what can you say to MD’s letter? Make haste, have done with your preamblesWhy, I say I am glad you are so often abroad; your mother thinks it is want of exercise hurts you, and so do I. (She called here to−night, but I was not within, that’s by the bye.) Sure you do not deceive me, Stella, when you say you are in better health than you were these three weeks; for Dr. Raymond told me yesterday, that Smyth of the Blind Quay had been telling Mr. Leigh that he left you extremely ill; and in short, spoke so, that he almost put poor Leigh into tears, and would have made me run distracted; though your letter is dated the 11th instant, and I saw Smyth in the city above a fortnight ago, as I passed by in a coach. Pray, pray, don’t write, Stella, until you are mighty, mighty, mighty, mighty well in your eyes, and are sure it won’t do you the least hurt. Or come, I’ll tell you what; you, Mistress Stella, shall write your share at five or six sittings, one sitting a day; and then comes Dingley all together, and then Stella a little crumb towards the end, to let us see she remembers Presto; and then conclude with something handsome and genteel, as your most humblecumdumble, or, etc. O Lord! does Patrick write word of my not coming till spring? Insolent man! he know my secrets? No; as my Lord Mayor said, No; if I thought my shirt knew, etc.

Faith, I will come as soon as it is any way proper for me to come; but, to say the truth, I am at present a little involved with the present Ministry in some certain things (which I tell you as a secret); and soon as ever I can clear my hands, I will stay no longer; for I hope the First−Fruit business will be soon over in all its forms.

But, to say the truth, the present Ministry have a difficult task, and want me, etc. Perhaps they may be just as grateful as others: but, according to the best judgment I have, they are pursuing the true interest of the public; and therefore I am glad to contribute what is in my power. For God’s sake, not a word of this to any alive.Your Chancellor?[9] Why, madam, I can tell you he has been dead this fortnight. Faith, I could hardly forbear our little language about a nasty dead Chancellor, as you may see by the blot.[10] Ploughing? A pox plough them; they’ll plough me to nothing. But have you got your money, both the ten pounds? How durst he pay you the second so soon? Pray be good huswifes. Ay, well, and Joe, why, I had a letter lately from Joe, desiring I would take some care of their poor town,[11] who, he says, will lose their liberties. To which I desired Dr. Raymond would return answer, that the town had behaved themselves so ill to me, so little regarded the advice I gave them, and disagreed so much among themselves, that I was resolved never to have more to do with them; but that whatever personal kindness I could do to Joe, should be done. Pray, when you happen to see Joe, tell him this, lest Raymond should have blundered or forgottenPoor Mrs. Wesley!Why these poligyes[12] for being abroad? Why should you be at home at all, until Stella is quite well? So, here is Mistress Stella again, with her two eggs, etc. My “Shower” admired with you; why, the Bishop of Clogher says, he has seen something of mine of the same sort, better than the “Shower.” I suppose he means “The Morning”;[13] but it is not half so good. I want your judgment of things, and not your country’s. How does MD like it? and do they taste it ALL? etc. I am glad Dean Bolton[14] has paid the twenty pounds. Why should not I chide the Bishop of Clogher for writing to the Archbishop of Cashel,[15] without sending the letter first to me? It does not signify a ; for he has no credit at Court. Stuffthey are all puppies. I will break your head in good earnest, young woman, for your nasty jest about Mrs. Barton.[16] Unlucky sluttikin, what a word is there! Faith, I was thinking yesterday, when I was with her, whether she could break them or no, and it quite spoilt my imagination. “Mrs. Walls, does Stella win as she pretends?” “No indeed, Doctor; she loses always, and will play so VENTERSOMELY, how can she win?” See here now; an’t you an impudent lying slut? Do, open Domville’s letter; what does it signify, if you have a mind? Yes, faith, you write smartly with your eyes shut; all was well but the _n_. See how I can do it; MADAM STELLA, YOUR