The Journal to Stella by Jonathan Swift

Few fillings,

Many shillings.

If the day be dark, my purse will be light.

To my enemies be this curse,

A dark day and a light purse.

And so I’ll rise, and go to my fire, for Patrick tells me I have a fire; yet it is not shaving−day, nor is the weather cold; this is too extravagant. What is become of Dilly? I suppose you have him with you. Stella is just now showing a white leg, and putting it into the slipper. Present my service to her, and tell her I am engaged to the Dean, and desire she will come too: or, Dingley, can’t you write a note? This is Stella’s morning dialogue, no, morning speech I mean.Morrow, sirrahs, and let me rise as well as you; but I promise you Walls can’t dine with the Dean to−day, for she is to be at Mrs. Proby’s just after dinner, and to go with Gracy Spencer[17] to the shops to buy a yard of muslin, and a silver lace for an under petticoat. Morrow again, sirrahs.At night. I dined with Stratford in the City, but could not finish my affairs with him; but now I am resolved to buy five hundred pounds South Sea Stock, which will cost me three hundred and eighty ready money; and I will make use of the bill of a hundred pounds you sent me, and transfer Mrs. Walls over to Hawkshaw; or if she dislikes it, I will borrow a hundred pounds of the Secretary, and repay her. Three shillings coach−hire to−day. I have spoken to Frowde’s brother to get me the lowest price of the estate, to tell Mrs. Masham.

13. I dined privately with a friend to−day in the neighbourhood. Last Saturday night I came home, and the drab had just washed my room, and my bed− chamber was all wet, and I was forced to go to bed in my own defence, and no fire: I was sick on Sunday, and now have got a swingeing cold. I scolded like a dog at Patrick, although he was out with me: I detest washing of rooms; can’t they wash them in a morning, and make a fire, and leave open the windows? I slept not a wink last night for hawking[18] and spitting: and now everybody has colds. Here’s a clutter: I’ll go to bed and sleep if I can.

14. Lady Mountjoy sent to me two days ago, so I dined with her to−day, and in the evening went to see Lord Treasurer. I found Patrick had been just there with a how d’ye,[19] and my lord had returned answer that he desired to see me. Mrs. Masham was with him when I came, and they are never disturbed: ’tis well she is not very handsome; they sit alone together settling the nation. I sat with Lady Oxford, and stopped Mrs. Masham as she came out, and told her what progress I had made, etc., and then went to Lord Treasurer: he is very well, only uneasy at rising or sitting, with some rheumatic pain in his thigh, and a foot weak. He showed me a small paper, sent by an unknown hand to one Mr. Cook, who sent it to my lord: it was written in plain large letters thus

“Though G−d’s knife did not succeed,

A F−n’s yet may do the deed.”

And a little below: “BURN THIS, YOU DOG.” My lord has frequently such letters as these: once he showed me one, which was a vision describing a certain man, his dress, his sword, and his countenance, who was to LETTER 34.

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murder my lord. And he told me he saw a fellow in the chapel at Windsor with a dress very like it. They often send him letters signed, “Your humble servant, The Devil,” and such stuff. I sat with him till after ten, and have business to do.

15. The Secretary came yesterday to town from Hampton Court, so I went to him early this morning; but he went back last night again: and coming home to− night I found a letter from him to tell me that he was just come from Hampton Court, and just returning, and will not be here till Saturday night. A pox take him! he stops all my business. I’ll beg leave to come back when I have got over this, and hope to see MD in Ireland soon after Christmas.I’m weary of Courts, and want my journeys to Laracor; they did me more good than all the Ministries these twenty years. I dined to−day in the City, but did no business as I designed. Lady Mountjoy tells me that Dilly is got to Ireland, and that the Archbishop of Dublin was the cause of his returning so soon. The Parliament was prorogued two days ago for a fortnight, which, with the Queen’s absence, makes the town very dull and empty. They tell me the Duke of Ormond brings all the world away with him from Ireland. London has nothing so bad in it in winter as your knots of Irish folks; but I go to no coffee−house, and so I seldom see them. This letter shall go on Saturday; and then I am even with the world again. I have lent money, and cannot get it, and am forced to borrow for myself.

16. My man made a blunder this morning, and let up a visitor, when I had ordered to see nobody; so I was forced to hurry a hang−dog instrument of mine into my bed−chamber, and keep him cooling his heels there above an hour.I am going on fairly in the common forms of a great cold; I believe it will last me about ten days in all.I should have told you, that in those two verses sent to Lord Treasurer, G−d stands for Guiscard; that is easy; but we differed about F−n; I thought it was for Frenchman, because he hates them, and they him: and so it would be, That although Guiscard’s knife missed its design, the knife of a Frenchman might yet do it. My lord thinks it stands for Felton, the name of him that stabbed the first Duke of Buckingham. Sir Andrew Fountaine and I dined with the Vans to−day, and my cold made me loiter all the evening. Stay, young women, don’t you begin to owe me a letter? just a month to−day since I had your N.22.

I’ll stay a week longer, and then, I’ll expect like agog; till then you may play at ombre, and so forth, as you please. The Whigs are still crying down our peace, but we will have it, I hope, in spite of them: the Emperor comes now with his two eggs a penny, and promises wonders to continue the war; but it is too late; only I hope the fear of it will serve to spur on the French to be easy and sincere: Night, sirrahs; I’ll go early to bed.

17. Morning. This goes to−night; I will put it myself in the post−office. I had just now a long letter from the Archbishop of Dublin, giving me an account of the ending your session, how it ended in a storm; which storm, by the time it arrives here, will be only half nature. I can’t help it, I won’t hide. I often advised the dissolution of that Parliament, although I did not think the scoundrels had so much courage; but they have it only in the wrong, like a bully that will fight for a whore, and run away in an army. I believe, by several things the Archbishop says, he is not very well either with the Government or clergy.See how luckily my paper ends with a fortnight.God Almighty bless and preserve dearest little MD.I suppose your Lord Lieutenant is now setting out for England. I wonder the Bishop of Clogher does not write to me, or let me know of his statues, and how he likes them: I will write to him again, as soon as I have leisure. Farewell, dearest MD, and love Presto, who loves MD infinitely above all earthly things, and who will.My service to Mrs. Stoyte and Catherine. I’m sitting in my bed, but will rise to seal this. Morrow, dear rogues: Farewell again, dearest MD, etc.

LETTER 35.

LONDON, NOV. 17, 1711.

I put my last this evening in the post−office. I dined with Dr. Cockburn. This being Queen Elizabeth’s birthday, we have the D and all to do among us. I just heard of the stir as my letter was sealed this LETTER 35.

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morning, and was so cross I would not open it to tell you. I have been visiting Lady Oglethorpe[1] and Lady Worsley;[2] the latter is lately come to town for the winter, and with child, and what care you? This is Queen Elizabeth’s birthday, usually kept in this town by apprentices, etc.; but the Whigs designed a mighty procession by midnight, and had laid out a thousand pounds to dress up the Pope, Devil, cardinals, Sacheverell, etc., and carry them with torches about, and burn them. They did it by contribution. Garth gave five guineas; Dr. Garth I mean, if ever you heard of him. But they were seized last night, by order from the Secretary: you will have an account of it, for they bawl it about the streets already.[3] They had some very foolish and mischievous designs; and it was thought they would have put the rabble upon assaulting my Lord Treasurer’s house and the Secretary’s, and other violences. The militia was raised to prevent it, and now, I suppose, all will be quiet. The figures are now at the Secretary’s office at Whitehall. I design to see them if I can.