to the awakened woman-warrior, who was breakfasting
within on blueberry muffins and sausage. Some gnomes
wrote long poems, others recited longer declarations of
allegiance, while still others attempted to surrender by
mime, juggling sparklers so they would not be ignored in
favor of those declaring and rhyming. Some few brought
swords to beat into plowshares, though these arrived last,
since they had to beat the plowshares into swords in the
first place (and indeed, many of the swords had a distinct
plowsharish look to them).
Rather than being pleased, the woman-warrior (the
gnomes were already calling her Outsider A and her
companion Outsider B in their journals) seemed
threatened by this outpouring of mass poetry, oratory, and
mime. Indeed, a huge collection of small people shouting
and waving, with others coming up behind bearing large
plowsharish-looking swords would unnerve any stern
general unschooled in gnomecraft. Unfortunately the
woman-warrior reacted like a typical human, and charged
into a disaster of her own making.
She strode out onto the porch to order the gnomes to
scatter. The sight of her was enough to inspire a mass
shout from the crowd. She, in turn – thinking that an attack
was imminent – brandished her sword. The gnomes surged
forward, each intent on surrendering first. The startled
outsider backed into the doorway, feinted at the crowd
with her sword, then rapidly backed up again . . .
. . . And toppled backward over a cast iron boot-holder
Kali kept by the door (for cast iron boots). Woman and
sword went boots over boots with a resounding crash. She
was soon resting comfortably on the floor again, with a
small bruise on the top of her head.
Kali shooed his friends, family, and fellow inventors
out of the entranceway and, with a sigh, returned to his
healing craft (which he was quite good at … as gnomes
go). Her weapons and armor he hid in a back room, since
twice now the warrior had become most unwell after using
them.
The warrior-woman would awake two days later, but
in the meantime the other outsider, Outsider B, awoke,
though with less spectacular effects. He merely wondered
what was for breakfast, and, though it was noon, Kali set
his clock back six hours in order to be accommodating.
Outsider B, who astounded the surrendering gnomes
by informing them his name was Oster, seemed a bit
befuddled, but less violent, when the herd of half-sized
humans humbugged and mimed their absolute fealty to
him. Then the assembled gnomes ran home to cross out
“Outsider B” and write “Oster” in their journals. Oster
went inside to have breakfast and dined pleasantly as the
sound of erasers ripping through thin paper resounded
through the village.
After breakfast, Kali shooed away the last few neighbors
who had stopped by to surrender (and to see if any blue-
berry muffins were left). He returned to ask Oster about
his travels and how he and the woman came to this place,
but found his ambulatory charge missing from the main
room. A sudden panic gripped Kali. He feared that this
stranger had wandered off and, knowing humans, gotten
himself into trouble.
A quick search revealed Oster in the second spare
guest room, at the foot of the bed where the warrior-
woman was resting. The human had an odd look on his
face, that look that gnomes get when they realize an
invention requires no more modification. Rapture would
be a good word for it. So would golly-woggled-knocked-
off-the-pins-in-love, but rapture is shorter and as such will
be used henceforth.
Kali moved quietly into the room and stood there for
several heartbeats, shifting his weight from foot to foot
and not knowing if he should leave.
Finally the man sighed. A deep, room-filling sigh that
would have driven the atmospheric pressure indicator in
the bedroom up a few notches, had Kali thought well
enough to install such a device. It was a human, rapture-
filled sigh.
“She is beautiful,” he said. “Healer, who is she?”
Kali was thunderstruck. He had assumed the two
outsiders knew each other, since they were found near the
same wreckage. Kali wondered if the man’s mind had been