‘Monica, I don’t remember everything from my dear dead youth, but one thing I do remember is that wet dreams are not always pleasant In fact, they can be downright unpleasant.’
‘How can that be?’
‘Guilt All kinds of guilt Some of it maybe all the way from babyhood, when it was made very clear to him that wetting the bed was wrong. Then there’s the sex thing. Who knows what brings a wet dream on? Copping a feel on the bus? Looking up a girl’s skirt in study hall? I don’t know. The only one I can really remember was going off the high board at the YMCA pool on co-ed day and losing my trunks when I hit the water.’
‘You got off on that?’ she asked, giggling a little.
‘Yeah. So if the kid doesn’t want to talk to you about his John Thomas problems, don’t force him.’
‘We did our damn best to raise him without all those needless guilts.’
‘You can’t escape them. He brings them home from school like the colds he used to pick up in the first grade. From his friends, or the way his teachers mince around certain subjects. He probably got it from my dad, too. “Don’t touch it in the night, Todd, or your hands’!! grow hair and you’ll go blind and you’ll start to lose your memory, and after a while your thing will turn black and rot off. So be careful, Todd.”’
‘Dick Bowden! Your dad would never—’
‘He wouldn’t? Hell, he did. Just like your Jewish-Polack grandmother told you that waking somebody up in the middle of a nightmare might drive them nuts. He also told me to always wipe off the ring of a public toilet before I sat on it so I wouldn’t get “other people’s germs”. I guess that was his way of saying syphilis. I bet your grandmother laid that one on you, too.’
‘No, my mother,’ she said absently. ‘And she told me to always flush. Which is why I go downstairs.’
‘It still wakes me up,’ Dick mumbled.
‘What?’
‘Nothing.’
This time he had actually drifted halfway over the threshold of sleep when she spoke his name again.
’ What? he asked, a little impatiently.
‘You don’t suppose… oh, never mind. Go back to sleep.’
‘No, go on, finish. I’m awake again. I don’t suppose what?’
That old man. Mr Denker. You don’t think Todd’s seeing too much of him, do you? Maybe he’s… oh, I don’t know… filling Todd up with a lot of stories.’
‘The real heavy horrors,’ Dick said. ‘The day the Essen Motor Works dropped below quota.’ He snickered.
‘It was just an idea,’ she said, a little stiffly. The covers rustled as she turned over on her side. ‘Sorry I bothered you.’
He put a hand on her bare shoulder. ‘Ill tell you something, babe,’ he said, and stopped for a moment, thinking carefully, choosing his words. ‘I’ve been worried about Todd too, sometimes. Not the same things you’ve been worried about, but worried is worried, right?’
She turned back to him. ‘About what?’
‘Well, I grew up a lot different than he’s growing up. My dad had the store. Vic the Grocer, everyone called him. He had a book where he kept the names of the people who owed him, and how much they owed. You know what he called it?’
‘No.’ Dick rarely talked about his boyhood; she had always thought it was because he hadn’t enjoyed it She listened carefully now.
‘He called it the Left Hand Book. He said the right hand was business, but the right hand should never know what the left hand was doing. He said if the right hand did know, it would probably grab a meat-cleaver and chop the left hand right off.’
‘You never told me that.’
‘Well, I didn’t like the old man very much when we first got married, and the truth is I still spend a lot of time not liking him. I couldn’t understand why I had to wear pants from the Goodwill box while Mrs Mazursky could get a ham on credit with that same old story about how her husband was going back to work next week. The only work that fucking wino Bill Mazursky ever had was holding onto a twelve-cent bottle of musky so it wouldn’t fly away.