‘As your father I order you to cease this . . . this
‘You used to order me to tell the truth,’ said William.
Lord de Worde drew himself up. ‘Oh, William, Williaml Don’t be so naive.’
William shut his notebook. The words came easier now. He’d leapt from the building and found that he could fly.
‘And which one is this?’ he said. The truth that is so precious it must be surrounded by a bodyguard of lies? The truth that is stranger than fiction? Or the truth that is still putting on its boots when a lie is running round the world?’ He stepped forward. ‘That’s your little phrase, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter any more. I think Mr Pin was going to try blackmail and, you know, so am I, naive as I am. You’re going to leave the city, right now. That shouldn’t be too hard for you. And you had better hope that nothing happens to me, or anyone I work with, or anyone I know.’
‘Really?’
‘Right now!’ screamed William, so loud that Lord de Worde rocked backwards. ‘Have you gone deaf as well as insane? Right now and don’t come back, because if you do I’ll publish every damn word you’ve just said!’ William pulled the Dis-organizer out of his pocket. ‘Every damn word! D’you hear me? And not even Mr Slant will be able to grease your way out of that! You even had the arrogance, the stupid arrogance, to use our house! How dare you! Get out of the city! And either draw that sword or take . , . your . . . hand . . . off . . . it!’
He stopped, red-faced and panting.
The truth has got its boots on,’ he said. ‘It’s going to start kicking.’ His eyes narrowed. ‘I told you to take your hand off that sword!’
‘So silly, so silly. And I believed you were my son
‘Ah, yes. I nearly forgot that,’ said William, now rocketing on rage. ‘You’know one of the customs of the dwarfs? No, of course
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you don’t, because they’re not really people, are they? But I know one or two of them, you see, and so . . .’ He pulled a velvet bag out of his pocket and threw it down in front of his father.
‘And this is . . . ?’ said Lord de Worde.
There’s more than twenty thousand dollars in there, as close as a couple of experts could estimate,’ said William. ‘I didn’t have a lot of time to work it out and I didn’t want you to think I was being unfair, so I’ve erred on the generous side. That must cover everything I’ve cost you over the years. School fees, clothes, everything. I have to confess you didn’t make such a good job of it, given that I’m the end result. I’m buying myself off you, you see.’
‘Oh, I see. The dramatic gesture. Do you really think that family is a matter of money?’ said Lord de Worde.
‘We-ell, yes, according to history. Money, land and titles,’ said William. ‘It’s amazing how often we failed to marry anyone who didn’t have at least two out of three.’
‘Cheap jibe. You know what I mean.’
‘I don’t know if I do,’ said William. ‘But I do know I got that money a few hours ago off a man who tried to kill me.’
‘Tried to kill you?’ For the first time there was a note of uncertainty.
‘Why, yes. You’re surprised?’ said William. ‘If you throw something into the air, don’t you have to worry about where it bounces?’
‘Indeed you do,’ said Lord de Worde. He sighed, made a little hand signal, and William saw shadows detach themselves from deeper shadows. And he remembered that you couldn’t run the de Worde estates without a lot of hired help, in every department of life. Hard men in little round hats, who knew how to evict and distrain and set mantraps . . .
‘You have been overdoing it, I can see,’ said his father, as they advanced. ‘I think you need . . . yes, a long sea voyage. The Isles of Fog, perhaps, or possibly Fourecks. Or Bhangbhangduc. There’s fortunes to be made there, I understand, by young men prepared to get their hands dirty. Certainly there’s nothing for you here . . . nothing good.’
William made out four figures now. He’d seen them around on
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the estates. They tended to have one-word names, like Jenks or Clamper, and no visible pasts at all.
One of them said, ‘Now, if you’ll just see a bit o’ sense, Mr William, we can all do this nice and quiet
‘Small sums of money will be sent to you periodically,’ said Lord de Worde. ‘You will be able to live in a style which–‘
A few wisps of dust spiralled down from the shadowy ceiling, twirling like sycamore leaves.
They landed next to the velvet bag.
Overhead, a shrouded chandelier jingled gently.
William looked up. ‘Oh, no,’ he said. ‘Please . . . don’t kill anyone!’
‘What?’ said Lord de Worde.
Otto Chriek dropped to the floor, hands raised like talons.
‘Good evening!’ he said to a shocked bailiff. He looked at his hands. ‘Oh, vot am I thinking of!’ He bunched his fists and danced from foot to foot. Tut zem up in the traditional Ankh-Morpork pugilism!’
‘Put them up?’ said the man, raising a cudgel. ‘Blow that!’
A jab from Otto lifted him off his feet. He landed on his back, spinning, and slid away across the polished floor. Otto spun round so fast that he blurred, and there was a smack as another man went down.
‘Vot’s this? Vot’s this? I’m using your civilized fisticuffs, and you don’t vant to fight?’ he said, springing back and forth like an amateur boxer. ‘Ah, you, sir, you show fight–‘ The fists blurred into invisibility and pummelled a man like a punchbag. Otto straightened up as the man fell, and absent-mindedly punched sideways to catch the charging fourth man on the chin. The man actually spun in the air.
This happened in a few seconds. And then William got enough of a grip to shout a warning. He was too late.
Otto looked down at the length of sword blade sticking too far into his chest.
‘Oh, vill you look at zis,’ he said. ‘You know, in zis job I just cannot make a shirt last two days?’
He turned to Lord de Worde, who was backing away, and cracked his knuckles.
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‘Keep it away from me!’ shouted his lordship.
William shook his head.
‘Oh, yes?’ said Otto, still advancing. ‘You think I am an it? Veil, let me act like an it.’
He grabbed Lord de Worde’s jacket and held him up in the air, with one hand, at arm’s length.
‘Ve have people like you back home,’ he said. ‘Zey are the vuns that tell the mob vot to do. I come here to Ankh-Morpork, zey tell me things are different, but really it is alvays the same. Alvays zere are damn people like you! And now, vot shall I do viz you?’
He wrenched at his own jacket and tossed the black ribbon aside.
‘I never liked zer damn cocoa anyvay,’ he said.
‘Otto!’
The vampire turned. ‘Yes, Villiam? Vot is it you vish?’
That’s going too far.’ Lord de Worde had gone pale. William had never seen him so obviously frightened before.
‘Oh? You say? You think I bite him? Shall I bite you, Mister Lordship? Veil, maybe not, because Villiam here thinks I am a good person.’ He pulled Lord de Worde close, so their faces were a few inches apart. ‘Now, maybe I have to ask myself, how good am I? Or maybe I just have to ask myself . . . am I better zan you?’ He hesitated for a second or two and then in a sudden movement jerked the man towards him.
With great delicacy, he planted a kiss on Lord de Worde’s forehead. Then he put the trembling man back down on the floor and patted him on the head.
‘Actually, maybe zer cocoa is not too bad and zer young lady who plays zer harmonium, sometimes she vinks at me,’ he said, stepping aside.
Lord de Worde opened his eyes, and looked at William.
‘How dare you–‘
‘Shut up,’ said William. ‘Now, I’m going to tell you what’s going to happen. I’m not going to name names. That’s my decision. I don’t want my mother to have been married to a traitor, you see. Then there’s Rupert. And my sisters. And me, too. I’m protecting the name. That’s probably very wrong of me, and I’m going to do it anyway. I’m going to disobey you one more time, in fact. I won’t
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tell the truth. Not the whole truth. Besides, I am sure that those who want to know these things will find out soon enough. And I daresay they’ll sort it out quietly. You know . . . just like you do,’