“And you think the Pistach won’t notice? You think people won’t?”
“So, if the Pistach notice we’ve got deniability. So people notice. We say, hey, sorry, we’ll bring it up in the UN, but it’s got nothing to do with us. Senator, it’s no different from stuff we do all the time, here and there. They won’t hunt here in the U.S.”
The Senator growled to himself. “Next time you talk to them, I’m going along.”
“They’ll let us know when they’re ready. When they’ve got the woman. Briess has already laid the groundwork for that. He says we have to ask them to do something for us, to prove it won’t be one-sided. Like always, one hand washes the other.”
Pistach management—TUESDAY-THURSDAY
The Tuesday afternoon papers said eighty percent of the population had filled out the questionnaires and the American Civil Liberties Union was screaming for blood, as were a number of people who had seen untruthful forms disintegrate under their hands. On Wednesday, Chad Riley called Benita to say in addition to completed forms there were a few dozen bags of mail for the envoys at the D.C. main post office.
Benita looked at the ceiling and said loudly, “You’ve got mail.” Chad called back in ten minutes to say the bags were gone, and she said, “Fine, just let me know whenever you want a pickup.” Privately, she thought Chiddy and Vess might have simply vanished the mail, without bothering to read it or scan it or feed it into their machines, whatever.
She had underestimated them. Thursday night, without previous announcement, the envoys appeared on television again. They told jokes about how many Americans it took to fill out a questionnaire (all of them) or how many Afghanis (one, because there was only one right answer for everything). They said they’d heard they’d been given the nickname of Pistach-ios, because humans thought they were nuts. Benita noticed that their appearance had been further refined. They looked subtly more cuddly than they had before. Their eyes were more glowing and kindly. The squidgy bits around the mouths were less tentacular and more like a mustache. Rather Santa Claus, altogether.
Since some people hadn’t filled out their questionnaires, said Chiddy, in an admonitory voice very much like Mary Poppins as portrayed by Julie Andrews, progress in solving problems would have to wait. Thank you, Chiddy said, for all the mail. Yes, they could help the quadriplegic boy brought to their attention by the governor of Arkansas and others of like condition. Yes, they had already provided help for the housing project in California which was being turned into a war zone by local drug dealers. Yes, they could find the murderer of the young women in Seattle, as requested by the police of that city, and of the three black men in Texas, as requested by the Ebenezer Baptist Church. Yes, they were already analyzing the subject of education in the U.S., as suggested by one million two hundred twenty-three thousand six hundred and eighty-four correspondents. Just as soon as the last few people filled out their questionnaires, all these matters would be handled.
“In fact,” said Chiddy, “we’ll share with you some of our ideas about improving education, as so many of you have suggested. We have looked at the information on dropouts, and we believe the basic trouble is that no significant rite of passage occurs at high school graduation. It should be a goal, something to be achieved on the way to adulthood, but it isn’t. So, we must make it so. Certain things that adults do, like driving cars, should not be available to people who haven’t graduated from high school, and social graduation of the unqualified shouldn’t count. A diploma doesn’t mean anything unless the information is in the head. Adult liberties should not be entrusted to ignoramuses”
Then Chiddy did something with his face that made him look extremely stern. They would not, he said, be doing anything about drinkers, smokers, drug takers, or those who kept guns their children killed themselves with.
“Evolution must have a way to work among all races,” said Chiddy in a serious voice. “Of any population, some will be born who are not survivors. Some are self-destructive or destructive of others. Others cannot muster the effort to function at a viable level. Some cannot learn. Your society, instead of letting people either perish from stupidity or learn from foolish acts, protects them from themselves and allows them, even helps them, to blame others for the stupidities they have committed. If someone has a broken ladder, sees that it is broken, then climbs it, falls, and breaks a leg, he is allowed to sue the manufacturer without even having to pay the lawyer. If someone is not bright enough to stay in school, he or she drops out and becomes the parent of several children, and you support both the person and the children. I have seen in your papers accounts of drug addicts receiving fertility treatment at public expense. Of poor women being given treatments that result in the birth of multiple children! This is monstrous!