The Star Beast by Robert A. Heinlein

The clerk pressed a thumb and forefinger together. “Rolling.”

“Very well. Court’s in session.”

The clerk spoke into his mike, announcing time, date, place, nature and jurisdiction of the court, and the name and title of the special master presiding, reading the last and mispronouncing Sergei Greenberg’s first name; Greenberg did not correct him. The bailiff came in, his hands full of ash trays, and said hastily, “Oyez! Oyez! Let all who have business before this court gather nigh and. . .”

‘Never mind,” Greenberg interrupted. “Thanks anyhow. This court will now hold a preliminary hearing on any and all issues relating to the actions last Monday of an extra-terrestrial creature locally resident and known as ‘Lummox? I refer to that big brute in a cage outside this building. Bailiff, go get a picture of him, please, and insert it in the record.”

“Right away, your honor.”

“The court wishes to announce that this hearing may be converted to a final determination on any or all issues at any time, if the court so announces and subject to objection and ruling at the time. In other words, don’t hold your fire; this may be your only day in court. Oh yes. . . the court will receive petitions relating to this extra-terrestrial as well as hear issues.”

“Question, your honor.”

“Yes?”

“May it please the court: my client and I have no objection if all that we are engaged in is a preliminary inquiry. But will we return to accepted procedures if we go on to terminer?”

“This court, being convened by the Federation and acting in accordance with the body of law called ‘Customs of Civilizations’ in brief and consisting of agreements, treaties, precedents, et cetera, between two or more planets of the Federation, or with other civilizations with which member planets of the Federation have diplomatic relations, is not bound by local procedures. It is the purpose of this court to arrive at the truth and, from there, to reach equity. . . equity under the Law. The court will not trample on local law and custom except where they are hopelessly opposed to superior law. But where local custom is merely ritualistic, this court will ignore formality and get on with its business. Understand me?”

“Er, I believe so, sir. I may take exception later.” The small, middle-aged man who spoke seemed embarrassed.

“Any one may object at any time for any reason atid be heard. Also you may appeal from my decisions. However. . .” Greenberg grinned warmly.”. . . I doubt if it will do you much good. So far I have been pretty lucky in having my decisions upheld.”

“I did not intend to imply,”‘ the man answered stiffly, “that the court was not properly. . .”

“Sure, sure! Let’s get on with it.” Greenberg picked up a stack of papers. “Here is a civil action. ‘Bon Marché Merchandising Corporation versus ‘Lummox,’ John Thomas Stuart XI. . .” (“That name still bothers me,” he said in an aside to Judge O’Farrell.) “. . . Marie Brandley Stuart. et al., and another one like it for the Western Mutual Assurance Company, insurers of Bon Marché. Here is another, same defendants, brought by K. Ito and his insurance company, um, New World Casualty, Ltd., and one from the City of Westville, same defendants again . . . and still another brought by Mrs. Isabelle Donahue. Also some criminal matters one is for harboring a dangerous animal, one for felonious harboring of same, another for negligence and another for maintaining a public nuisance.”

John Thomas had been steadily turning white. Greenberg glanced at him and said, “They haven’t skipped much, have they, son? Cheer up. . . the condemned man always eats a hearty breakfast.” John Thomas managed a sickly grin. Betty found his knee under the table and patted it.

There was another paper in the stack; Greenberg shuffled it in with the others without reading it into the record. It was a petition signed by the Chief-of-Safety on behalf of the City of Westville praying the court to order the destruction of a dangerous animal known as “Lummox” and further identified as, etc. Instead Greenberg looked up and said, “Now who’s who? You, sir?”