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The Stolen White Elephant by Mark Twain

The Stolen White Elephant by Mark Twain

[Left out of A Tramp Abroad, because it was feared that some of the

particulars had been exaggerated, and that others were not true. Before

these suspicions had been proven groundless, the book had gone to press.

–M.T.]

The following curious history was related to me by a chance railway

acquaintance. He was a gentleman more than seventy years of age, and his

thoroughly good and gentle face and earnest and sincere manner imprinted

the unmistakable stamp of truth upon every statement which fell from his

lips. He said:

You know in what reverence the royal white elephant of Siam is held by

the people of that country. You know it is sacred to kings, only kings

may possess it, and that it is, indeed, in a measure even superior to

kings, since it receives not merely honor but worship. Very well; five

years ago, when the troubles concerning the frontier line arose between

Great Britain and Siam, it was presently manifest that Siam had been in

the wrong. Therefore every reparation was quickly made, and the British

representative stated that he was satisfied and the past should be

forgotten. This greatly relieved the King of Siam, and partly as a token

of gratitude, partly also, perhaps, to wipe out any little remaining

vestige of unpleasantness which England might feel toward him, he wished

to send the Queen a present–the sole sure way of propitiating an enemy,

according to Oriental ideas. This present ought not only to be a royal

one, but transcendently royal. Wherefore, what offering could be so meet

as that of a white elephant? My position in the Indian civil service was

such that I was deemed peculiarly worthy of the honor of conveying the

present to her Majesty. A ship was fitted out for me and my servants and

the officers and attendants of the elephant, and in due time I arrived in

New York harbor and placed my royal charge in admirable quarters in

Jersey City. It was necessary to remain awhile in order to recruit, the

animal’s health before resuming the voyage.

All went well during a fortnight–then my calamities began. The white

elephant was stolen! I was called up at dead of night and informed of

this fearful misfortune. For some moments I was beside myself with

terror and anxiety; I was helpless. Then I grew calmer and collected my

faculties. I soon saw my course–for, indeed, there was but the one;

course for an intelligent man to pursue. Late as it was, I flew to New

York and got a policeman to conduct me to the headquarters of the

detective force. Fortunately I arrived in time, though the chief of the

force, the celebrated Inspector Blunt was just on the point of leaving

for his home. He was a man of middle size and compact frame, and when he

was thinking deeply he had a way of kniting his brows and tapping his

forehead reflectively with his finger, which impressed you at once with

the conviction that you stood in the presence of a person of no common

order. The very sight of him gave me confidence and made me hopeful.

I stated my errand. It did not flurry him in the least; it had no more

visible effect upon his iron self-possession than if I had told him

somebody had stolen my dog. He motioned me to a seat, and said, calmly:

“Allow me to think a moment, please.”

So saying, he sat down at his office table and leaned his head upon his

hand. Several clerks were at work at the other end of the room; the

scratching of their pens was all the sound I heard during the next six or

seven minutes. Meantime the inspector sat there, buried in thought.

Finally he raised his head, and there was that in the firm lines of his

face which showed me that his brain had done its work and his plan was

made. Said he–and his voice was low and impressive:

“This is no ordinary case. Every step must be warily taken; each step

must be made sure before the next is ventured. And secrecy must be

observed–secrecy profound and absolute. Speak to no one about the

matter, not even the reporters. I will take care of them; I will see

that they get only what it may suit my ends to let them know.” He

touched a bell; a youth appeared. “Alaric, tell the reporters to remain

for the present.” The boy retired. “Now let us proceed to business–and

systematically. Nothing can be accomplished in this trade of mine

without strict and minute method.”

He took a pen and some paper. “Now–name of the elephant?”

“Hassan Ben Ali Ben Selim Abdallah Mohammed Moist Alhammal

Jamsetjejeebhoy Dhuleep Sultan Ebu Bhudpoor.”

“Very well. Given name?”

“Jumbo.”

“Very well. Place of birth?”

“The capital city of Siam.”

“Parents living?”

“No–dead.”

“Had they any other issue besides this one?”

“None. He was an only child.”

“Very well. These matters are sufficient under that head. Now please

describe the elephant, and leave out no particular, however

insignificant–that is, insignificant from your point of view. To me in

my profession there are no insignificant particulars; they do not exist.”

I described he wrote. When I was done, he said:

“Now listen. If I have made any mistakes, correct me.”

He read as follows:

“Height, 19 feet; length from apex of forehead insertion of tail, 26

feet; length of trunk, 16 feet; length of tail, 6 feet; total length,

including trunk, and tail, 48 feet; length of tusks, 9 « feet; ears

keeping with these dimensions; footprint resembles the mark left when one

up-ends a barrel in the snow; the color of the elephant, a dull white;

has a hole the size of a plate in each ear for the insertion of jewelry

and possesses the habit in a remarkable degree of squirting water upon

spectators and of maltreating with his trunk not only such persons as he

is acquainted with, but even entire strangers; limps slightly with his

right hind leg, and has a small scar in his left armpit caused by a

former boil; had on, when stolen, a castle containing seats for fifteen

persons, and a gold-cloth saddle-blanket the size of an ordinary carpet.”

There were no mistakes. The inspector touched the bell, handed the

description to Alaric, and said:

“Have fifty thousand copies of this printed at once and mailed to every

detective office and pawnbroker’s shop on the continent.” Alaric

retired. “There–so far, so good. Next, I must have a photograph of the

property.”

I gave him one. He examined it critically, and said:

“It must do, since we can do no better; but he has his trunk curled up

and tucked into his mouth. That is unfortunate, and is calculated to

mislead, for of course he does not usually have it in that position.”

He touched his bell.

“Alaric, have fifty thousand copies of this photograph made the first

thing in the morning, and mail them with the descriptive circulars.”

Alaric retired to execute his orders. The inspector said:

“It will be necessary to offer a reward, of course. Now as to the

amount?”

“What sum would you suggest?”

“To begin with, I should say–well, twenty-five thousand dollars. It is

an intricate and difficult business; there are a thousand avenues of

escape and opportunities of concealment. These thieves have friends and

pals everywhere–”

“Bless me, do you know who they are?”

The wary face, practised in concealing the thoughts and feelings within,

gave me no token, nor yet the replying words, so quietly uttered:

“Never mind about that. I may, and I may not. We generally gather a

pretty shrewd inkling of who our man is by the manner of his work and the

size of the game he goes after. We are not dealing with a pickpocket or

a hall thief now, make up your mind to that. This property was not

‘lifted’ by a novice. But, as I was saying, considering the amount of

travel which will have to be done, and the diligence with which the

thieves will cover up their traces as they move along, twenty-five

thousand may be too small a sum to offer, yet I think it worth while to

start with that.”

So we determined upon that figure as a beginning. Then this man, whom

nothing escaped which could by any possibility be made to serve as a

clue, said:

“There are cases in detective history to show that criminals have been

detected through peculiarities, in their appetites. Now, what does this

elephant eat, and how much?”

“Well, as to what he eats–he will eat anything. He will eat a man, he

will eat a Bible–he will eat anything between a man and a Bible.”

“Good very good, indeed, but too general. Details are necessary–details

are the only valuable things in our trade. Very well–as to men. At one

meal–or, if you prefer, during one day–how man men will he eat, if

fresh?”

“He would not care whether they were fresh or not; at a single meal he

would eat five ordinary men.

“Very good; five men; we will put that down. What nationalities would he

prefer?”

“He is indifferent about nationalities. He prefers acquaintances, but is

not prejudiced against strangers.”

“Very good. Now, as to Bibles. How many Bibles would he eat at a meal?”

“He would eat an entire edition.”

“It is hardly succinct enough. Do you mean the ordinary octavo, or the

family illustrated?”

“I think he would be indifferent to illustrations that is, I think he

would not value illustrations above simple letterpress.”

“No, you do not get my idea. I refer to bulk. The ordinary octavo Bible

weighs about two pound; and a half, while the great quarto with the

illustrations weighs ten or twelve. How many Dore Bibles would he eat at

a meal?”

“If you knew this elephant, you could not ask. He would take what they

had.”

“Well, put it in dollars and cents, then. We must get at it somehow.

The Dore costs a hundred dollars a copy, Russia leather, beveled.”

“He would require about fifty thousand dollars worth–say an edition of

five hundred copies.”

“Now that is more exact. I will put that down. Very well; he likes men

and Bibles; so far, so good. What else will he eat? I want

particulars.”

“He will leave Bibles to eat bricks, he will leave bricks to eat bottles,

he will leave bottles to eat clothing, he will leave clothing to eat

cats, he will leave cats to eat oysters, he will leave oysters to eat

ham, he will leave ham to eat sugar, he will leave sugar to eat pie, he

will leave pie to eat potatoes, he will leave potatoes to eat bran; he

will leave bran to eat hay, he will leave hay to eat oats, he will leave

oats to eat rice, for he was mainly raised on it. There is nothing

whatever that he will not eat but European butter, and he would eat that

if he could taste it.”

“Very good. General quantity at a meal–say about–”

“Well, anywhere from a quarter to half a ton.”

“And he drinks–”

“Everything that is fluid. Milk, water, whisky, molasses, castor oil,

camphene, carbolic acid–it is no use to go into particulars; whatever

fluid occurs to you set it down. He will drink anything that is fluid,

except European coffee.”

“Very good. As to quantity?”

“Put it down five to fifteen barrels–his thirst varies; his other

appetites do not.”

“These things are unusual. They ought to furnish quite good clues toward

tracing him.”

He touched the bell.

“Alaric; summon Captain Burns.”

Burns appeared. Inspector Blunt unfolded the whole matter to him, detail

by detail. Then he said in the clear, decisive tones of a man whose

plans are clearly defined in his head and who is accustomed to command:

“Captain Burns, detail Detectives Jones, Davis, Halsey, Bates, and

Hackett to shadow the elephant.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Detail Detectives Moses, Dakin, Murphy, Rogers, Tupper, Higgins, and

Bartholomew to shadow the thieves.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Place a strong guard–A guard of thirty picked men, with a relief of

thirty–over the place from whence the elephant was stolen, to keep

strict watch there night and day, and allow none to approach–except

reporters–without written authority from me.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Place detectives in plain clothes in the railway; steamship, and ferry

depots, and upon all roadways leading out of Jersey City, with orders to

search all suspicious persons.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Furnish all these men with photograph and accompanying description of

the elephant, and instruct them to search all trains and outgoing

ferryboats and other vessels.”

“Yes, sir.”

“If the elephant should be found, let him be seized, and the information

forwarded to me by telegraph.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Let me be informed at once if any clues should be found footprints of

the animal, or anything of that kind.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Get an order commanding the harbor police to patrol the frontages

vigilantly.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Despatch detectives in plain clothes over all the railways, north as far

as Canada, west as far as Ohio, south as far as Washington.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Place experts in all the telegraph offices to listen in to all messages;

and let them require that all cipher despatches be interpreted to them.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Let all these things be done with the utmost’s secrecy–mind, the most

impenetrable secrecy.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Report to me promptly at the usual hour.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Go!”

“Yes, sir.”

He was gone.

Inspector Blunt was silent and thoughtful a moment, while the fire in his

eye cooled down and faded out. Then he turned to me and said in a placid

voice:

“I am not given to boasting, it is not my habit; but–we shall find the

elephant.”

I shook him warmly by the hand and thanked him; and I felt my thanks,

too. The more I had seen of the man the more I liked him and the more I

admired him and marveled over the mysterious wonders of his profession.

Then we parted for the night, and I went home with a far happier heart

than I had carried with me to his office.

II

Next morning it was all in the newspapers, in the minutest detail. It

even had additions–consisting of Detective This, Detective That, and

Detective The Other’s “Theory” as to how the robbery was done, who the

robbers were, and whither they had flown with their booty. There were

eleven of these theories, and they covered all the possibilities; and

this single fact shows what independent thinkers detectives are. No two

theories were alike, or even much resembled each other, save in one

striking particular, and in that one all the other eleven theories were

absolutely agreed. That was, that although the rear of my building was

torn out and the only door remained locked, the elephant had not been

removed through the rent, but by some other (undiscovered) outlet.

All agreed that the robbers had made that rent only to mislead the

detectives. That never would have occurred to me or to any other layman,

perhaps, but it had not deceived the detectives for a moment. Thus, what

I had supposed was the only thing that had no mystery about it was in

fact the very thing I had gone furthest astray in. The eleven theories

all named the supposed robbers, but no two named the same robbers; the

total number of suspected persons was thirty-seven. The various

newspaper accounts all closed with the most important opinion of all–

that of Chief Inspector Blunt. A portion of this statement read as

follows:

The chief knows who the two principals are, namely,” Brick” Daffy

and “Red” McFadden. Ten days before the robbery was achieved he was

already aware that it was to be attempted, and had quietly proceeded

to shadow these two noted villains; but unfortunately on the night

in question their track was lost, and before it could be found again

the bird was flown–that is, the elephant.

Daffy and McFadden are the boldest scoundrels in the profession; the

chief has reasons for believing that they are the men who stole the

stove out of the detective headquarters on a bitter night last

winter–in consequence of which the chief and every detective

present were in the hands of the physicians before morning, some

with frozen feet, others with frozen fingers, ears, and other

members.

When I read the first half of that I was more astonished than ever at the

wonderful sagacity of this strange man. He not only saw everything in

the present with a clear eye, but even the future could not be hidden

from him. I was soon at his office, and said I could not help wishing he

had had those men arrested, and so prevented the trouble and loss; but

his reply was simple and unanswerable:

“It is not our province to prevent crime, but to punish it. We cannot

punish it until it is committed.”

I remarked that the secrecy with which we had begun had been marred by

the newspapers; not only all our facts but all our plans and purposes had

been revealed; even all the suspected persons had been named; these would

doubtless disguise themselves now, or go into hiding.

“Let them. They will find that when I am ready for them my hand will

descend upon them, in their secret places, as unerringly as the hand of

fate. As to the newspapers, we must keep in with them. Fame,

reputation, constant public mention–these are the detective’s bread and

butter. He must publish his facts, else he will be supposed to have

none; he must publish his theory, for nothing is so strange or striking

as a detective’s theory, or brings him so much wonderful respect; we must

publish our plans, for these the journals insist upon having, and we

could not deny them without offending. We must constantly show the

public what we are doing, or they will believe we are doing nothing.

It is much pleasanter to have a newspaper say, ‘Inspector Blunt’s

ingenious and extraordinary theory is as follows,’ than to have it say

some harsh thing, or, worse still, some sarcastic one.”

“I see the force of what you say. But I noticed that in one part of your

remarks in the papers this morning you refused to reveal your opinion

upon a certain minor point.”

“Yes, we always do that; it has a good effect. Besides, I had not formed

any opinion on that point, anyway.”

I deposited a considerable sum of money with the inspector, to meet

current expenses, and sat down to wait for news. We were expecting the

telegrams to begin to arrive at any moment now. Meantime I reread the

newspapers and also our descriptive circular, and observed that our

twenty-five thousand dollars reward seemed to be offered only to

detectives. I said I thought it ought to be offered to anybody who would

catch the elephant. The inspector said:

“It is the detectives who will find the elephant; hence the reward will

go to the right place. If other people found the animal, it would only

be by watching the detectives and taking advantage of clues and

indications stolen from them, and that would entitle the detectives to

the reward, after all. The proper office of a reward is to stimulate the

men who deliver up their time and their trained sagacities to this sort

of work, and not to confer benefits upon chance citizens who stumble upon

a capture without having earned the benefits by their own merits and

labors.”

This was reasonable enough, certainly. Now the telegraphic machine in

the corner began to click, and the following despatch was the result:

FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 7.30 A.M.

Have got a clue. Found a succession of deep tracks across a farm

near here. Followed them two miles east without result; think

elephant went west. Shall now shadow him in that direction.

DARLEY, Detective.

“Darley’s one of the best men on the force,” said the inspector. “We

shall hear from him again before long.”

Telegram No. 2 came:

BARKER’S, N. J., 7.40 A.M.

Just arrived. Glass factory broken open here during night, and

eight hundred bottles taken. Only water in large quantity near here

is five miles distant. Shall strike for there. Elephant will be

thirsty. Bottles were empty.

DARLEY, Detective.

“That promises well, too,” said the inspector.

I told you the creature’s appetites would not be bad clues.”

Telegram No. 3:

TAYLORVILLE, L. I. 8.15 A.M.

A haystack near here disappeared during night. Probably eaten.

Have got a clue, and am off.

HUBBARD, Detective.

“How he does move around!” said the inspector “I knew we had a difficult

job on hand, but we shall catch him yet.”

FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 9 A.M.

Shadowed the tracks three miles westward. Large, deep, and ragged.

Have just met a farmer who says they are not elephant-tracks. Says

they are holes where he dug up saplings for shade-trees when ground

was frozen last winter. Give me orders how to proceed.

DARLEY, Detective.

“Aha! a confederate of the thieves! The thing, grows warm,” said the

inspector.

He dictated the following telegram to Darley:

Arrest the man and force him to name his pals. Continue to follow

the tracks to the Pacific, if necessary.

Chief BLUNT.

Next telegram:

CONEY POINT, PA., 8.45 A.M.

Gas office broken open here during night and three month; unpaid gas

bills taken. Have got a clue and am away.

MURPHY, Detective.

“Heavens!” said the inspector; “would he eat gas bills?”

“Through ignorance–yes; but they cannot support life. At least,

unassisted.”

Now came this exciting telegram:

IRONVILLE, N. Y., 9.30 A.M.

Just arrived. This village in consternation. Elephant passed

through here at five this morning. Some say he went east some say

west, some north, some south–but all say they did not wait to

notice, particularly. He killed a horse; have secure a piece of it

for a clue. Killed it with his trunk; from style of blow, think he

struck it left-handed. From position in which horse lies, think

elephant traveled northward along line Berkley Railway. Has four

and a half hours’ start, but I move on his track at once.

HAWES, Detective

I uttered exclamations of joy. The inspector was as self-contained as a

graven image. He calmly touched his bell.

“Alaric, send Captain Burns here.”

Burns appeared.

“How many men are ready for instant orders?”

“Ninety-six, sir.”

“Send them north at once. Let them concentrate along the line of the

Berkley road north of Ironville.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Let them conduct their movements with the utmost secrecy. As fast as

others are at liberty, hold them for orders.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Go!”

“Yes, sir.”

Presently came another telegram:

SAGE CORNERS, N. Y., 10.30.

Just arrived. Elephant passed through here at 8.15. All escaped

from the town but a policeman. Apparently elephant did not strike

at policeman, but at the lamp-post. Got both. I have secured a

portion of the policeman as clue.

STUMM, Detective.

“So the elephant has turned westward,” said the inspector. “However, he

will not escape, for my men are scattered all over that region.”

The next telegram said:

GLOVER’S, 11.15

Just arrived. Village deserted, except sick and aged. Elephant passed

through three-quarters of an hour ago. The anti-temperance mass-meeting

was in session; he put his trunk in at a window and washed it out with

water from cistern. Some swallowed it–since dead; several drowned.

Detectives Cross and O’Shaughnessy were passing through town, but going

south–so missed elephant. Whole region for many miles around in terror-

-people flying from their homes. Wherever they turn they meet elephant,

and many are killed.

BRANT, Detective.

I could have shed tears, this havoc so distressed me. But the inspector

only said:

“You see–we are closing in on him. He feels our presence; he has turned

eastward again.”

Yet further troublous news was in store for us. The telegraph brought

this:

HOGANSPORT, 12.19.

Just arrived. Elephant passed through half an hour ago, creating

wildest fright and excitement. Elephant raged around streets; two

plumbers going by, killed one–other escaped. Regret general.

O’FLAHERTY, Detective.

“Now he is right in the midst of my men,” said the inspector. “Nothing

can save him.”

A succession of telegrams came from detectives who were scattered through

New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and who were following clues consisting of

ravaged barns, factories, and Sunday-school libraries, with high

hopes-hopes amounting to certainties, indeed. The inspector said:

“I wish I could communicate with them and order them north, but that is

impossible. A detective only visits a telegraph office to send his

report; then he is off again, and you don’t know where to put your hand

on him.”

Now came this despatch:

BRIDGEPORT, CT., 12.15.

Barnum offers rate of $4,000 a year for exclusive privilege of using

elephant as traveling advertising medium from now till detectives

find him. Wants to paste circus-posters on him. Desires immediate

answer.

BOGGS, Detective.

“That is perfectly absurd!” I exclaimed.

“Of course it is,” said the inspector. “Evidently Mr. Barnum, who thinks

he is so sharp, does not know me–but I know him.”

Then he dictated this answer to the despatch:

Mr. Barnum’s offer declined. Make it $7,000 or nothing.

Chief BLUNT.

“There. We shall not have to wait long for an answer. Mr. Barnum is

not at home; he is in the telegraph office–it is his way when he has

business on hand. Inside of three–”

Done.–P. T. BARNUM.

So interrupted the clicking telegraphic instrument. Before I could make

a comment upon this extraordinary episode, the following despatch carried

my thoughts into another and very distressing channel:

BOLIVIA, N. Y., 12.50.

Elephant arrived here from the south and passed through toward the

forest at 11.50, dispersing a funeral on the way, and diminishing

the mourners by two. Citizens fired some small cannon-balls into

him, and they fled. Detective Burke and I arrived ten minutes

later, from the north, but mistook some excavations for footprints,

and so lost a good deal of time; but at last we struck the right

trail and followed it to the woods. We then got down on our hands

and knees and continued to keep a sharp eye on the track, and so

shadowed it into the brush. Burke was in advance. Unfortunately

the animal had stopped to rest; therefore, Burke having his head

down, intent upon the track, butted up against the elephant’s hind

legs before he was aware of his vicinity. Burke instantly arose to

his feet, seized the tail, and exclaimed joyfully, “I claim the re-

-” but got no further, for a single blow of the huge trunk laid the

brave fellow’s fragments low in death. I fled rearward, and the

elephant turned and shadowed me to the edge of the wood, making

tremendous speed, and I should inevitably have been lost, but that

the remains of the funeral providentially intervened again and

diverted his attention. I have just learned that nothing of that

funeral is now left; but this is no loss, for there is abundance of

material for another. Meantime, the elephant has disappeared again.

MULROONEY, Detective.

We heard no news except from the diligent and confident detectives

scattered about New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Virginia–who

were all following fresh and encouraging clues–until shortly after

2 P.M., when this telegram came:

BAXTER CENTER, 2.15.

Elephant been here, plastered over with circus-bills, any broke up a

revival, striking down and damaging many who were on the point of

entering upon a better life. Citizens penned him up and established

a guard. When Detective Brown and I arrived, some time after, we

entered inclosure and proceeded to identify elephant by photograph

and description. All masks tallied exactly except one, which we

could not see–the boil-scar under armpit. To make sure, Brown

crept under to look, and was immediately brained–that is, head

crushed and destroyed, though nothing issued from debris. All fled

so did elephant, striking right and left with much effect. He

escaped, but left bold blood-track from cannon-wounds. Rediscovery

certain. He broke southward, through a dense forest.

BRENT, Detective.

That was the last telegram. At nightfall a fog shut down which was so

dense that objects but three feet away could not be discerned. This

lasted all night. The ferry-boats and even the omnibuses had to stop

running.

III

Next morning the papers were as full of detective theories as before;

they had all our tragic facts in detail also, and a great many more which

they had received from their telegraphic correspondents. Column after

column was occupied, a third of its way down, with glaring head-lines,

which it made my heart sick to read. Their general tone was like this:

THE WHITE ELEPHANT AT LARGE! HE MOVES UPON HIS FATAL MARCH WHOLE

VILLAGES DESERTED BY THEIR FRIGHT-STRICKEN OCCUPANTS! PALE TERROR

GOES BEFORE HIM, DEATH AND DEVASTATION FOLLOW AFTER! AFTER THESE,

THE DETECTIVES! BARNS DESTROYED, FACTORIES GUTTED, HARVESTS

DEVOURED, PUBLIC ASSEMBLAGES DISPERSED, ACCOMPANIED BY SCENES OF

CARNAGE IMPOSSIBLE TO DESCRIBE! THEORIES OF THIRTY-FOUR OF THE MOST

DISTINGUISHED DETECTIVES ON THE FORCES! THEORY OF CHIEF BLUNT!

“There!” said Inspector Blunt, almost betrayed into excitement, “this is

magnificent! This is the greatest windfall that any detective

organization ever had. The fame of it will travel to the ends of the

earth, and endure to the end of time, and my name with it.”

But there was no joy for me. I felt as if I had committed all those red

crimes, and that the elephant was only my irresponsible agent. And how

the list had grown! In one place he had “interfered with an election and

killed five repeaters.” He had followed this act with the destruction of

two pool fellows, named O’Donohue and McFlannigan, whO had “found a

refuge in the home of the oppressed of all lands only the day before, and

were in the act of exercising for the first time the noble right of

American citizens at the polls, when stricken down by the relentless hand

of the Scourge of Siam.” In another, he had “found a crazy sensation-

preacher preparing his next season’s heroic attacks on the dance, the

theater, and other things which can’t strike back, and had stepped on

him.” And in still another place he had “killed a lightning-rod agent.”

And so the list went on, growing redder and redder, and more and more

heartbreaking. Sixty persons had been killed, and two hundred and forty

wounded. All the accounts bore just testimony to the activity and

devotion of the detectives, and all closed with the remark that “three

hundred thousand citizen; and four detectives saw the dread creature, and

two of the latter he destroyed.”

I dreaded to hear the telegraphic instrument begin to click again.

By and by the messages began to pour in, but I was happily disappointed

in they nature. It was soon apparent that all trace of the elephant was

lost. The fog had enabled him to search out a good hiding-place

unobserved. Telegrams from the most absurdly distant points reported

that a dim vast mass had been glimpsed there through the fog at such and

such an hour, and was “undoubtedly the elephant.” This dim vast mass had

been glimpsed in New Haven, in New Jersey, in Pennsylvania, in interior

New York, in Brooklyn, and even in the city of New York itself! But in

all cases the dim vast mass had vanished quickly and left no trace.

Every detective of the large force scattered over this huge extent of

country sent his hourly report, and each and every one of them had a

clue, and was shadowing something, and was hot upon the heels of it.

But the day passed without other result.

The next day the same.

The next just the same.

The newspaper reports began to grow monotonous with facts that amounted

to nothing, clues which led to nothing, and theories which had nearly

exhausted the elements which surprise and delight and dazzle.

By advice of the inspector I doubled the reward.

Four more dull days followed. Then came a bitter blow to the poor,

hard-working detectives–the journalists declined to print their

theories, and coldly said, “Give us a rest.”

Two weeks after the elephant’s disappearance I raised the reward to

seventy-five thousand dollars by the inspector’s advice. It was a great

sum, but I felt that I would rather sacrifice my whole private fortune

than lose my credit with my government. Now that the detectives were in

adversity, the newspapers turned upon them, and began to fling the most

stinging sarcasms at them. This gave the minstrels an idea, and they

dressed themselves as detectives and hunted the elephant on the stage in

the most extravagant way. The caricaturists made pictures of detectives

scanning the country with spy-glasses, while the elephant, at their

backs, stole apples out of their pockets. And they made all sorts of

ridiculous pictures of the detective badge–you have seen that badge

printed in gold on the back of detective novels, no doubt it is a

wide-staring eye, with the legend, “WE NEVER SLEEP.” When detectives

called for a drink, the would-be facetious barkeeper resurrected an

obsolete form of expression and said, “Will you have an eye-opener?”

All the air was thick with sarcasms.

But there was one man who moved calm, untouched, unaffected, through it

all. It was that heart of oak, the chief inspector. His brave eye never

drooped, his serene confidence never wavered. He always said:

“Let them rail on; he laughs best who laughs last.”

My admiration for the man grew into a species of worship. I was at his

side always. His office had become an unpleasant place to me, and now

became daily more and more so. Yet if he could endure it I meant to do

so also–at least, as long as I could. So I came regularly, and stayed

–the only outsider who seemed to be capable of it. Everybody wondered

how I could; and often it seemed to me that I must desert, but at such

times I looked into that calm and apparently unconscious face, and held

my ground.

About three weeks after the elephant’s disappearance I was about to say,

one morning, that I should have to strike my colors and retire, when the

great detective arrested the thought by proposing one more superb and

masterly move.

This was to compromise with the robbers. The fertility of this man’s

invention exceeded anything I have ever seen, and I have had a wide

intercourse with the world’s finest minds. He said he was confident he

could compromise for one hundred thousand dollars and recover the

elephant. I said I believed I could scrape the amount together, but what

would become of the poor detectives who had worked so faithfully? He

said:

“In compromises they always get half.”

This removed my only objection. So the inspector wrote two notes, in

this form:

DEAR MADAM,–Your husband can make a large sum of money (and be

entirely protected from the law) by making an immediate, appointment

with me. Chief BLUNT.

He sent one of these by his confidential messenger to the “reputed wife”

of Brick Duffy, and the other to the reputed wife of Red McFadden.

Within the hour these offensive answers came:

YE OWLD FOOL: brick Duffys bin ded 2 yere.

BRIDGET MAHONEY.

CHIEF BAT,–Red McFadden is hung and in heving 18 month. Any Ass

but a detective know that.

MARY O’HOOLIGAN.

“I had long suspected these facts,” said the inspector; “this testimony

proves the unerring accuracy of my instinct.”

The moment one resource failed him he was ready with another. He

immediately wrote an advertisement for the morning papers, and I kept a

copy of it:

A.–xWhlv. 242 ht. Tjnd-fz328wmlg. Ozpo,– 2 m! 2m!. M! ogw.

He said that if the thief was alive this would bring him to the usual

rendezvous. He further explained that the usual rendezvous was a glare

where all business affairs between detectives and criminals were

conducted. This meeting would take place at twelve the next night.

We could do nothing till then, and I lost no time in getting out of the

office, and was grateful indeed for the privilege.

At eleven the next night I brought one hundred thousand dollars in

bank-notes and put them into the chief’s hands, and shortly afterward he

took his leave, with the brave old undimmed confidence in his eye.

An almost intolerable hour dragged to a close; then I heard his welcome

tread, and rose gasping and tottered to meet him. How his fine eyes

flamed with triumph! He said:

“We’ve compromised! The jokers will sing a different tune to-morrow!

Follow me!”

He took a lighted candle and strode down into the vast vaulted basement

where sixty detectives always slept, and where a score were now playing

cards to while the time. I followed close after him. He walked swiftly

down to the dim and remote end of the place, and just as I succumbed to

the pangs of suffocation and was swooning away he stumbled and fell over

the outlying members of a mighty object, and I heard him exclaim as he

went down:

“Our noble profession is vindicated. Here is your elephant!”

I was carried to the office above and restored with carbolic acid. The

whole detective force swarmed in, and such another season of triumphant

rejoicing ensued as I had never witnessed before. The reporters were

called, baskets of champagne were opened, toasts were drunk, the

handshakings and congratulations were continuous and enthusiastic.

Naturally the chief was the hero of the hour, and his happiness was so

complete and had been so patiently and worthily and bravely won that it

made me happy to see it, though I stood there a homeless beggar, my

priceless charge dead, and my position in my country’s service lost to me

through what would always seem my fatally careless execution of a great

trust. Many an eloquent eye testified its deep admiration for the chief,

and many a detective’s voice murmured, “Look at him–just the king of the

profession; only give him a clue, it’s all he wants, and there ain’t

anything hid that he can’t find.” The dividing of the fifty thousand

dollars made great pleasure; when it was finished the chief made a little

speech while he put his share in his pocket, in which he said, “Enjoy it,

boys, for you’ve earned it; and, more than that, you’ve earned for the

detective profession undying fame.”

A telegram arrived, which read:

MONROE, MICH., 10 P.M.

First time I’ve struck a telegraph office in over three weeks. Have

followed those footprints, horseback, through the woods, a thousand miles

to here, and they get stronger and bigger and fresher every day. Don’t

worry-inside of another week I’ll have the elephant. This is dead sure.

DARLEY, Detective.

The chief ordered three cheers for “Darley, one of the finest minds on

the force,” and then commanded that he be telegraphed to come home and

receive his share of the reward.

So ended that marvelous episode of the stolen elephant. The newspapers

were pleasant with praises once more, the next day, with one contemptible

exception. This sheet said, “Great is the detective! He may be a little

slow in finding a little thing like a mislaid elephant he may hunt him

all day and sleep with his rotting carcass all night for three weeks, but

he will find him at last if he can get the man who mislaid him to show

him the place!”

Poor Hassan was lost to me forever. The cannonshots had wounded him

fatally, he had crept to that unfriendly place in the fog, and there,

surrounded by his enemies and in constant danger of detection, he had

wasted away with hunger and suffering till death gave him peace.

The compromise cost me one hundred thousand dollars; my detective

expenses were forty-two thousand dollars more; I never applied for a

place again under my government; I am a ruined man and a wanderer on the

earth but my admiration for that man, whom I believe to be the greatest

detective the world has ever produced, remains undimmed to this day, and

will so remain unto the end.

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