“Why didn’t the members of your group think you should have a weekend pass?” asked Cassi. The only thing she was prepared for on Bentworth’s part was manipulative behavior, and she wasn’t going to fall for it.
“I don’t know,” said the colonel.
“You must have an idea.”
“They don’t like me. Is that good enough? They’re all a bunch of jerks. Blue-collar workers, for Christ’s sake.”
“That sounds pretty hostile.”
“Yeah, well, I hate them all.”
“They happen to be people like you with problems.”
Bentworth didn’t respond immediately, and Cassi tried to remember what she’d read about treating borderline personalities. The actuality of psychiatry seemed a thousand times more difficult than the conceptualization. She knew that she was supposed to play a structuring role, but she wasn’t sure exactly what that meant in the context of the current session.
“The crazy thing is that I hate them, yet I need them.” Bentworth shook his head as if he were confounded by his own statement. “I know that sounds weird, but I don’t like to be alone. The worst thing is for me to be alone. It makes me drink, and liquor makes me go nuts. I can’t help it.”
“What happens?” asked Cassi.
“I always get propositioned. It never fails. Some dude sees me and guesses I’m a stud, so he comes over and starts to talk to me. I end up beating the guy to a pulp. It’s one thing the army taught me. How to fight with my hands.”
Cassi remembered reading that both borderline personalities and narcissists wanted to protect themselves from homosexual impulses.
Homosexuality could be a potentially fertile area for future sessions, but for the moment she didn’t want to push into areas that were too sensitive.
“What about your work?” asked Cassi to change the subject.
“If you want to know the truth, I’m tired of being in the army. I liked the early competition. But now that I’m a colonel, that’s over. I’ve arrived. And I’m not going to make general because too many people envy me. There is no more challenge. Every time I go into the office I get this empty feeling-like what’s the use.”
“An empty feeling?” echoed Cassi.
“Yeah, empty. I feel the same after I’ve been living with a woman for a couple of months. At first it’s intense and exciting, but it always goes sour. It gets empty. I don’t know how else to explain it.”
Cassi bit her lip.
“The ideal relationship with a woman,” said Bentworth, It would be one month long. Then, puff, she’d disappear and another one would take her place. That would be perfect.”
“But you were married.”
“Yeah, I was married. Only lasted a year. I just about killed the broad. All she did was complain.”
“Are you living with someone now?”
“No. That’s why I’m here. The day before they picked me up, she walked out. I’d only known her for a couple of weeks, but she met some other guy and took off. That’s why I want to get out of here for the weekend. She’s still got a key to my apartment. I’m afraid she might clean me out.”
“Why not call a friend and have him change the lock?” said Cassi.
“There’s nobody I can trust,” said Bentworth, standing up. “Look, are you going to give me a weekend pass or is all this bull for nothing?”
“I’ll bring it up at the next team meeting,” said Cassi. “We’ll discuss it.”
Bentworth leaned over the desk. “The only thing I’ve learned in all my time in the hospital is that I hate psychiatrists. They think they’re so goddamned smart, but they’re not. They’re a hell of a lot crazier than I am.”
Cassi returned his stare, noticing how cold his eyes had become. The thought went through her mind that Colonel Bentworth should be committed.
Then she remembered he was.
Cassi knocked on the doorjamb of Robert’s tiny office. As he looked up from his binocular scope, his face broke into a broad and infectious smile. He jumped up so quickly to hug Cassi that his chair sped back on its wheels to the opposite wall.