P G Wodehouse – Piccadilly Jim

“Oh, never mind Jerry Mitchell now–”

“On the contrary, let us discuss his case and the points arising from it with care and concentration. Jerry Mitchell has told me all!”

Ann was startled.

“What do you mean?”

“The word ‘all,'” said Jimmy, “is slang for ‘everything.’ You see in me a confidant. In a word, I am hep.”

“You know–?”

“Everything. A colloquialism,” explained Jimmy, “for ‘all.’ About Ogden, you know. The scheme. The plot. The enterprise.”

Ann found nothing to say.

“I am thoroughly in favour of the plan. So much so that I propose to assist you by taking Jerry’s place.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Do you remember at lunch that day, after that remarkable person had mistaken me for Jimmy Crocker, you suggested in a light, casual way that if I were to walk into your uncle’s office and claim to be Jimmy Crocker I should he welcomed without a question? I’m going to do it. Then, once aboard the lugger–once in the house, I am at your orders. Use me exactly as you would have used Jerry Mitchell.”

“But–but–!”

“Jerry!” said Jimmy scornfully. “Can’t I do everything that he could have done? And more. A bonehead like Jerry would have been certain to have bungled the thing somehow. I know him well. A good fellow, but in matters requiring intellect and swift thought dead from the neck up. It’s a very lucky thing he is out of the running. I love him like a brother, but his dome is of ivory. This job requires a man of tact, sense, shrewdness, initiative, -esprit-, and -verve-.” He paused. “Me!” he concluded.

“But it’s ridiculous! It’s out of the question!”

“Not at all. I must be extraordinarily like Jimmy Crocker, or that fellow at the restaurant wouldn’t have taken me for him. Leave this in my hands. I can get away with it.”

“I shan’t dream of allowing you–”

“At nine o’clock to-morrow morning,” said Jimmy firmly, “I present myself at Mr. Pett’s office. It’s all settled.”

Ann was silent. She was endeavouring to adjust her mind to the idea. Her first startled revulsion from it had begun to wane. It was an idea peculiarly suited to her temperament, an idea that she might have suggested herself if she had thought of it. Soon, from being disapproving, she found herself glowing with admiration for its author. He was a young man of her own sort!

“You asked me on the boat, if you remember,” said Jimmy, “if I had an adventurous soul. I am now submitting my proofs. You also spoke highly of America as a land where there were adventures to be had. I now see that you were right.”

Ann thought for a moment.

“If I consent to your doing this insane thing, Mr. Bayliss, will you promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“Well, in the first place I absolutely refuse to let you risk all sorts of frightful things by coming into this kidnapping plot.” She waved him down, and went on. “But I see where you can help me very much. As I told you at lunch, my aunt would do anything for Jimmy Crocker if he were to appear in New York now. I want you to promise that you will confine your activities to asking her to let Jerry Mitchell come back.”

“Never!”

“You said you would promise me anything.”

“Anything but that.”

“Then it is all off!”

Jimmy pondered.

“It’s terribly tame that way.”

“Never mind. It’s the only way I will consider.”

“Very well. I protest, though.”

Ann sat down.

“I think you’re splendid, Mr. Bayliss. I’m much obliged!”

“Not at all.”

“It will be such a splendid thing for Ogden, won’t it?”

“Admirable.”

“Now the only thing to do is just to see that we have got everything straight. How about this, for instance? They will ask you when you arrived in New York. How are you going to account for your delay in coming to see them?”

“I’ve thought of that. There’s a boat that docks to-morrow–the -Caronia-, I think. I’ve got a paper upstairs. I’ll look it up. I can say I came by her.”

“That seems all right. It’s lucky you and uncle Peter never met on the -Atlantic-.”

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