“Now what?” said Mr. Parker smoothly, leaning back with the pistol resting easily on his knee.
CHAPTER XXVI
A FRIEND IN NEED
“The point is well taken,” said Psmith thoughtfully.
“You think so?” said Mr. Parker.
“I am convinced of it.”
“Good. But don’t move. Put that hand back where it was.”
“You think of everything, Comrade Parker.”
He dropped his hand on to the seat, and remained silent for a few moments. The taxi-cab was buzzing along up Fifth Avenue now. Looking towards the window, Psmith saw that they were nearing the park. The great white mass of the Plaza Hotel showed up on the left.
“Did you ever stop at the Plaza, Comrade Parker?”
“No,” said Mr. Parker shortly.
“Don’t bite at me, Comrade Parker. Why be brusque on so joyous an occasion? Better men than us have stopped at the Plaza. Ah, the Park! How fresh the leaves, Comrade Parker, how green the herbage! Fling your eye at yonder grassy knoll.”
He raised his hand to point. Instantly the revolver was against his waistcoat, making an unwelcome crease in that immaculate garment.
“I told you to keep that hand where it was.”
“You did, Comrade Parker, you did. The fault,” said Psmith handsomely, “was entirely mine. Carried away by my love of nature, I forgot. It shall not occur again.”
“It had better not,” said Mr. Parker unpleasantly. “If it does, I’ll blow a hole through you.”
Psmith raised his eyebrows.
“That, Comrade Parker,” he said, “is where you make your error. You would no more shoot me in the heart of the metropolis than, I trust you would wear a made-up tie with evening dress. Your skin, however unhealthy to the eye of the casual observer, is doubtless precious to yourself, and you are not the man I take you for if you would risk it purely for the momentary pleasure of plugging me with a revolver. The cry goes round criminal circles in New York, ‘Comrade Parker is not such a fool as he looks.’ Think for a moment what would happen. The shot would ring out, and instantly bicycle-policemen would be pursuing this taxi-cab with the purposeful speed of greyhounds trying to win the Waterloo Cup. You would be headed off and stopped. Ha! What is this? Psmith, the People’s Pet, weltering in his gore? Death to the assassin! I fear nothing could save you from the fury of the mob, Comrade Parker. I seem to see them meditatively plucking you limb from limb. ‘She loves me!’ Off comes an arm. ‘She loves me not.’ A leg joins the little heap of limbs on the ground. That is how it would be. And what would you have left out of it? Merely, as I say, the momentary pleasure of potting me. And it isn’t as if such a feat could give you the thrill of successful marksmanship. Anybody could hit a man with a pistol at an inch and a quarter. I fear you have not thought this matter out with sufficient care, Comrade Parker. You said to yourself, ‘Happy thought, I will kidnap Psmith! ‘and all your friends said, ‘Parker is the man with the big brain!’ But now, while it is true that I can’t get out, you are moaning, ‘What on earth shall I do with him, now that I have got him?'”
“You think so, do you?”
“I am convinced of it. Your face is contorted with the anguish of mental stress. Let this be a lesson to you, Comrade Parker, never to embark on any enterprise of which you do not see the end.”
“I guess I see the end of this all right.”
“You have the advantage of me then, Comrade Parker. It seems to me that we have nothing before us but to go on riding about New York till you feel that my society begins to pall.”
“You figure you’re clever, I guess.”
“There are few brighter brains in this city, Comrade Parker. But why this sudden tribute?”
“You reckon you’ve thought it all out, eh?”
“There may be a flaw in my reasoning, but I confess I do not at the moment see where it lies. Have you detected one?”