P G Wodehouse – Psmith Journalist

Such was Bat Jarvis.

“Pipe de collar,” said Mr. Jarvis, touching the cat’s neck “Mine, mister.”

“Pugsy said it must be,” said Billy Windsor. “We found two fellows setting a dog on to it, so we took it in for safety.”

Mr. Jarvis nodded approval.

“There’s a basket here, if you want it,” said Billy.

“Nope. Here, kit.”

Mr. Jarvis stooped, and, still whistling softly, lifted the cat. He looked round the company, met Psmith’s eye-glass, was transfixed by it for a moment, and finally turned again to Billy Windsor.

“Say!” he said, and paused. “Obliged,” he added.

He shifted the cat on to his left arm, and extended his right hand to Billy.

“Shake!” he said.

Billy did so.

Mr. Jarvis continued to stand and whistle for a few moments more.

“Say!” he said at length, fixing his roving gaze once more upon Billy. “Obliged. Fond of de kit, I am.”

Psmith nodded approvingly.

“And rightly,” he said. “Rightly, Comrade Jarvis. She is not unworthy of your affection. A most companionable animal, full of the highest spirits. Her knockabout act in the restaurant would have satisfied the most jaded critic. No diner-out can afford to be without such a cat. Such a cat spells death to boredom.”

Mr. Jarvis eyed him fixedly, as if pondering over his remarks. Then he turned to Billy again.

“Say!” he said. “Any time you’re in bad. Glad to be of service. You know the address. Groome Street. Bat Jarvis. Good night. Obliged.”

He paused and whistled a few more bars, then nodded to Psmith and Mike, and left the room. They heard him shuffling downstairs.

“A blithe spirit,” said Psmith. “Not garrulous, perhaps, but what of that? I am a man of few words myself. Comrade Jarvis’s massive silences appeal to me. He seems to have taken a fancy to you, Comrade Windsor.”

Billy Windsor laughed.

“I don’t know that he’s just the sort of side-partner I’d go out of my way to choose, from what I’ve heard about him. Still, if one got mixed up with any of that East-Side crowd, he would be a mighty useful friend to have. I guess there’s no harm done by getting him grateful.”

“Assuredly not,” said Psmith. “We should not despise the humblest. And now, Comrade Windsor,” he said, taking up the paper again “let me concentrate myself tensely on this very entertaining little journal of yours. Comrade Jackson, here is one for you. For sound, clear-headed criticism,” he added to Billy, “Comrade Jackson’s name is a by-word in our English literary salons. His opinion will be both of interest and of profit to you, Comrade Windsor.”

CHAPTER V

PLANNING IMPROVEMENTS

“By the way,” said Psmith, “what is your exact position on this paper? Practically, we know well, you are its back-bone, its life-blood; but what is your technical position? When your proprietor is congratulating himself on having secured the ideal man for your job, what precise job does he congratulate himself on having secured the ideal man for?”

“I’m sub-editor.”

“Merely sub? You deserve a more responsible post than that, Comrade Windsor. Where is your proprietor? I must buttonhole him and point out to him what a wealth of talent he is allowing to waste itself. You must have scope.”

“He’s in Europe. At Carlsbad, or somewhere. He never comes near the paper. He just sits tight and draws the profits. He lets the editor look after things. Just at present I’m acting as editor.”

“Ah! then at last you have your big chance. You are free, untrammelled.”

“You bet I’m not,” said Billy Windsor. “Guess again. There’s no room for developing free untrammelled ideas on this paper. When you’ve looked at it, you’ll see that each page is run by some one. I’m simply the fellow who minds the shop.”

Psmith clicked his tongue sympathetically. “It is like setting a gifted French chef to wash up dishes,” he said. “A man of your undoubted powers, Comrade Windsor, should have more scope. That is the cry, ‘more scope!’ I must look into this matter. When I gaze at your broad, bulging forehead, when I see the clear light of intelligence in your eyes, and hear the grey matter splashing restlessly about in your cerebellum, I say to myself without hesitation, ‘Comrade Windsor must have more scope.'” He looked at Mike, who was turning over the leaves of his copy of Cosy Moments in a sort of dull despair. “Well, Comrade Jackson, and what is your verdict?”

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