Phule’s Company by Robert Asprin

Rembrandt stiffened slightly and shot a quick glance around the room as if either hoping he was addressing someone else or looking for an escape route.

“Me, sir? I … Where would you like me to begin?”

Phule shrugged. “Your choice. We’re going to discuss everyone sooner or later, so it really doesn’t matter whom we start with … And Lieutenant?”

“Sir?”

“Try to relax a little. This is just an informal chat to kick around our thoughts. Okay?”

Rembrandt drew a slow, deep breath, then nodded.

“Well, I should probably admit that a lot of information I have, I got from talking to Brandy, the first sergeant. I … I’m still trying to get a handle on a lot of the troops myself, and I thought it would be a good starting point.”

The commander nodded. “Sound thinking. The noncoms work the closest with the Legionnaires, so we should listen to what they have to say whenever they’re willing to share their thoughts. Go ahead.”

“Probably the best approach would be to start with some of our more unusual Legionnaires,” Rembrandt began, starting to relax a bit. “It’s my guess that we’ll be spending a lot of time trying to figure out what to do with or about them, so we might as well start early.”

She paused to flip through her notes, then settled on a page.

“Proceeding on that basis, the one I personally have the biggest problem getting a fix on is one of the wimps. She has-“

“One of the what?”

The words burst from Phule’s lips before he actually had time to think. Both the lieutenants started visibly, and the commander mentally cursed himself. So much for a relaxed meeting.