Phule’s Company by Robert Asprin

Beeker pursed his lips and paused before launching into the next portion of his summary.

“To make the job even easier, pressure from various environmental groups requires that the miners only work the swamp one day a week … and that within strict limitations. As an aside, though it’s never stated in so many words, I suspect the assignment is actually of a duo nature: guarding the miners and policing them to be sure they remain within the environmental guidelines. Whatever the case may be, the Legionnaires are actually only required to stand duty once a week … which I consider to be the first sign of serious trouble. While it may sound like easy duty, I suspect that having that much free time on their hands is not a good thing for the Legionnaires posted there.”

“Which brings us to the subject of the Legionnaires,” Phule said grimly.

The butler nodded. “Quite so. It has never been a secret that with its open-door policy, the Legion is made up, to a large extent, of criminals who choose the service as a preferable alternative to incarceration. After examining the personnel files of your new command, however, one is forced to assume that this outpost has more than the expected percentage of … um …”

“Hard cases?”

“No. It goes beyond that,” Beeker corrected. “Even without reading between the lines, it becomes obvious that the company can be divided into two major groups. One, as you note, is comprised of those rougher elements who do not take easily to military life, regardless of what they signed on enlistment. The second group is at the other extreme. If anything, they are pacifistic by nature or choice-a trait which also makes them difficult or impossible to absorb into a normal military structure. I think, however, it is necessary to note that apparently all of your new command falls into one or the other of those groups. In short, it’s my considered opinion that you’ve been assigned to a force comprised entirely of … well, losers and misfits, for lack of better titles.”