I folded the two letters and walked upstairs to my bedchamber. Belinda was
straightening my brushes and creams in the dressing table. I went to my desk and
pulled out my Italianate letter box. It was empty. I put the two letters in the
box and locked it. I looked at the small gold key. I started to simply drop it
in the drawer, then stopped. I found a gold chain, looped it around the key, and
hung it around my neck.
I picked up my derringer from beneath my pillow and put it in my pocket. I wasn’t
about to leave my home; on the other hand, I wasn’t an idiot. Whatever my father
was talking about, whatever it was that he believed was wrong, I would be
prepared. If that old woman came into my room again, I would shoot her. If
anyone at all threatened me, I would shoot them. Let him come here, I thought.
Let my precious father come here and face me.
But no one came that night.
Chapter Nineteen
The following morning, all of us accompanied Lord Waverleigh to Caroline’s empty
music room. Amelia declined to come into the room. I didn’t blame her. Lawrence
beside me, we followed Lord Waverleigh inside.
I didn’t move, simply watched Lord Waverleigh walk around the small room. He
said nothing at all. Finally, he raised his head and said, “There was no
violence in this room. This was a young lady’s room. She perhaps wrote letters
here, or read here, or any number of things that she could do in private. She
felt safe here, calm. It was her haven. I can feel her unhappiness, but nothing
more than that. Is this where Amelia fell asleep, on the floor of this room?”
“Yes, Father,” Amelia said from the doorway. “And I felt this young lady?this
chamber was Caroline’s music room?she was Uncle Lawrence’s second wife, and she
apologized to me, I swear it to you. Not in words, of course, it was rather like
she felt to me that she was sorry, that I was the wrong one.”
“You say she was your second wife, Lawrence?”
“Yes. Poor Caroline killed herself after she birthed her daughter. It was all
very tragic, very sad. Unfortunately, she was mad. She was only Andy’s age when
she died. Her death affected us all profoundly.”
Lord Waverleigh started to say something, then he just shook his head. He looked
at his daughter who had taken one step into the room. “If you were the wrong one,
Amelia, then who is the right one?”
“I suppose it was me,” I said. “But I have felt absolutely nothing in this room,
sir, nothing at all. If Caroline wanted me specifically, I have given her many
opportunities to speak to me, or feel her thoughts to me. There has been nothing.”
“Hmmm,” said Lord Waverleigh, stroking his chin. “You are the third wife.
Caroline was the second wife. I wonder what she wants? I also wonder why she
hasn’t come to you, since you have given her the opportunity?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
He said then, “I should like to visit the spot where she killed herself.” I
thought Lawrence would refuse. He was pale, his hands fisted at his sides. Of
course this would upset him. Even though it had all happened many years before,
Caroline had been his wife, he had loved her, he had grieved for her when she
hurled herself from the north tower. Finally, he nodded. “Very well,” he said. “It
is this way.”
John, Lawrence, and I accompanied Lord Waverleigh to the north tower. At the end
of the west wing, there were narrow stairs that twisted sharply, going up and up,
until finally there was a narrow door that grated like a shrieking ghost when my
husband opened it. There was an ancient bed in the circular room, with tattered
bed hangings. A chest stood at the end of the bed. Nothing else.
“I have never had the tower room cleared,” Lawrence said. “Everything is older
than the oak trees all clustered together in the eastern forest, and they are
very old indeed. I don’t know who slept in that bed, but if they are continuing