Nor did it fail of its usual operations upon the fancy, by
heightening every danger; representing the English and Dutch
captains to be men incapable of hearing reason, or of
distinguishing between honest men and rogues; or between a story
calculated for our own turn, made out of nothing, on purpose to
deceive, and a true, genuine account of our whole voyage, progress,
and design; for we might many ways have convinced any reasonable
creatures that we were not pirates; the goods we had on board, the
course we steered, our frankly showing ourselves, and entering into
such and such ports; and even our very manner, the force we had,
the number of men, the few arms, the little ammunition, short
provisions; all these would have served to convince any men that we
were no pirates. The opium and other goods we had on board would
make it appear the ship had been at Bengal. The Dutchmen, who, it
was said, had the names of all the men that were in the ship, might
easily see that we were a mixture of English, Portuguese, and
Indians, and but two Dutchmen on board. These, and many other
particular circumstances, might have made it evident to the
understanding of any commander, whose hands we might fall into,
that we were no pirates.
But fear, that blind, useless passion, worked another way, and
threw us into the vapours; it bewildered our understandings, and
set the imagination at work to form a thousand terrible things that
perhaps might never happen. We first supposed, as indeed everybody
had related to us, that the seamen on board the English and Dutch
ships, but especially the Dutch, were so enraged at the name of a
pirate, and especially at our beating off their boats and escaping,
that they would not give themselves leave to inquire whether we
were pirates or no, but would execute us off-hand, without giving
us any room for a defence. We reflected that there really was so
much apparent evidence before them, that they would scarce inquire
after any more; as, first, that the ship was certainly the same,
and that some of the seamen among them knew her, and had been on
board her; and, secondly, that when we had intelligence at the
river of Cambodia that they were coming down to examine us, we
fought their boats and fled. Therefore we made no doubt but they
were as fully satisfied of our being pirates as we were satisfied
of the contrary; and, as I often said, I know not but I should have
been apt to have taken those circumstances for evidence, if the
tables were turned, and my case was theirs; and have made no
scruple of cutting all the crew to pieces, without believing, or
perhaps considering, what they might have to offer in their
defence.
But let that be how it will, these were our apprehensions; and both
my partner and I scarce slept a night without dreaming of halters
and yard-arms; of fighting, and being taken; of killing, and being
killed: and one night I was in such a fury in my dream, fancying
the Dutchmen had boarded us, and I was knocking one of their seamen
down, that I struck my doubled fist against the side of the cabin I
lay in with such a force as wounded my hand grievously, broke my
knuckles, and cut and bruised the flesh, so that it awaked me out
of my sleep. Another apprehension I had was, the cruel usage we
might meet with from them if we fell into their hands; then the
story of Amboyna came into my head, and how the Dutch might perhaps
torture us, as they did our countrymen there, and make some of our
men, by extremity of torture, confess to crimes they never were
guilty of, or own themselves and all of us to be pirates, and so
they would put us to death with a formal appearance of justice; and
that they might be tempted to do this for the gain of our ship and
cargo, worth altogether four or five thousand pounds. We did not
consider that the captains of ships have no authority to act thus;