The Prince and the Pauper by Mark Twain

he being a man experienced in law, in jests, in–”

He was moving away, still talking; the constable hesitated,

fidgeted, spat out an oath or two, then cried out–

“Hold, hold, good sir–prithee wait a little–the judge! Why,

man, he hath no more sympathy with a jest than hath a dead

corpse!–come, and we will speak further. Ods body! I seem to be

in evil case–and all for an innocent and thoughtless pleasantry.

I am a man of family; and my wife and little ones– List to

reason, good your worship: what wouldst thou of me?”

“Only that thou be blind and dumb and paralytic whilst one may

count a hundred thousand–counting slowly,” said Hendon, with the

expression of a man who asks but a reasonable favour, and that a

very little one.

“It is my destruction!” said the constable despairingly. “Ah, be

reasonable, good sir; only look at this matter, on all its sides,

and see how mere a jest it is–how manifestly and how plainly it

is so. And even if one granted it were not a jest, it is a fault

so small that e’en the grimmest penalty it could call forth would

be but a rebuke and warning from the judge’s lips.”

Hendon replied with a solemnity which chilled the air about him–

“This jest of thine hath a name, in law,–wot you what it is?”

“I knew it not! Peradventure I have been unwise. I never dreamed

it had a name–ah, sweet heaven, I thought it was original.”

“Yes, it hath a name. In the law this crime is called Non compos

mentis lex talionis sic transit gloria mundi.”

“Ah, my God!”

“And the penalty is death!”

“God be merciful to me a sinner!”

“By advantage taken of one in fault, in dire peril, and at thy

mercy, thou hast seized goods worth above thirteenpence ha’penny,

paying but a trifle for the same; and this, in the eye of the law,

is constructive barratry, misprision of treason, malfeasance in

office, ad hominem expurgatis in statu quo–and the penalty is

death by the halter, without ransom, commutation, or benefit of

clergy.”

“Bear me up, bear me up, sweet sir, my legs do fail me! Be thou

merciful–spare me this doom, and I will turn my back and see

nought that shall happen.”

“Good! now thou’rt wise and reasonable. And thou’lt restore the

pig?”

“I will, I will indeed–nor ever touch another, though heaven send

it and an archangel fetch it. Go–I am blind for thy sake–I see

nothing. I will say thou didst break in and wrest the prisoner

from my hands by force. It is but a crazy, ancient door–I will

batter it down myself betwixt midnight and the morning.”

“Do it, good soul, no harm will come of it; the judge hath a

loving charity for this poor lad, and will shed no tears and break

no jailer’s bones for his escape.”

Chapter XXV. Hendon Hall.

As soon as Hendon and the King were out of sight of the constable,

his Majesty was instructed to hurry to a certain place outside the

town, and wait there, whilst Hendon should go to the inn and

settle his account. Half an hour later the two friends were

blithely jogging eastward on Hendon’s sorry steeds. The King was

warm and comfortable, now, for he had cast his rags and clothed

himself in the second-hand suit which Hendon had bought on London

Bridge.

Hendon wished to guard against over-fatiguing the boy; he judged

that hard journeys, irregular meals, and illiberal measures of

sleep would be bad for his crazed mind; whilst rest, regularity,

and moderate exercise would be pretty sure to hasten its cure; he

longed to see the stricken intellect made well again and its

diseased visions driven out of the tormented little head;

therefore he resolved to move by easy stages toward the home

whence he had so long been banished, instead of obeying the

impulse of his impatience and hurrying along night and day.

When he and the King had journeyed about ten miles, they reached a

considerable village, and halted there for the night, at a good

inn. The former relations were resumed; Hendon stood behind the

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