It might be flattering to have young Darrill in love with her; but it would be a cruel thing to test her new awareness of men by capturing his interest and perhaps his heart, when she was not free, could not make any permanent or serious commitment to anyone. Jaelle had defended her flirting on the grounds that she had never left any man wounded or heart-scalded by her teasing. 7 must be very careful to avoid that, too, Magda thought.
Inside the travel-shelter, which was one of the largest, the guardsmen, and Peter among them, had made their fire at one end; Rohana with her ladies, and Magda and Jaelle, at the other. As usual, Rohana sent word that Peter should come and join them at their meal. When they had finished, she looked at Peter and Jaelle, close together, their hands linked in the shadows, and said to Magda, “In common humanity, I think we should leave them alone for a few minutes.” She raised her voice slightly. “Come, my ladies, I think the time has come to visit the guardsmen at the other fire and see if they are content with their rations and their comfort.”
Rohana’s maid, a fat and sentimental old woman, looked back with an encouraging smile at Jaelle, as they went toward the other fire, and Jaelle felt herself blushing. Then she forgot the woman, as Peter drew her into his arms for a long, passionate kiss. She sank gratefully into his arms, blessing Rohana for even this moment or two alone with her lover; it would not be more than a few minutes, but while it lasted she could reassure herself….
Finally he loosed her. “I am dizzy with wanting you! At least it will not be long; we reach Thendara tomorrow. Do you still love me, Jaelle?”
She looked up, laughing, into his face. “Can you doubt it?”
“But you avoid me.”
“Avoid you? Of course not, love,” she said, with a little flicker of laughter. “You certainly do not think I could lie with you in the presence of a half dozen guardsmen and all of Rohana’s maids!”
He looked away, uneasy at her directness. “That is not what I meant,” he protested, “but we could be together more often on the road; you could ride at my side, spend more time in my company! All during this trip you have treated me like someone you might have met at a public dancing-class, not like your lover!” He used the word in the inflection that made its nearest meaning “promised husband,” and she smiled, pressing his hand.
“You are my beloved,” she said in a whisper, “and soon we shall be together as much as you wish. But I am an Amazon, Piedro. I have not told you much about our laws and customs, but one of the things we are taught is that there is only one way in which women can travel among men without causing trouble and dissension. And that is by behaving as human beings; not as sexual creatures, women whose major business in life is to attract men to protect and care for them.”
“Oh, come, surely Lady Rohana and her companions-”
“Rohana is the wife of their lord, a sacred trust they must safeguard with their lives. And her ladies are covered by her-her special charisma. But I am an Amazon and I have renounced my protected status as Comynara. And I am working among them; I organized this journey. So I must not come among them as a woman who is-is free to be desired. Can’t you understand?” she begged. “If I spend much time with you, show myself as your lover”-she, too, used the word in the inflection meaning “promised wife,” and he pressed her hand-“then I show myself to them as a woman. And they begin to think of me as a woman, and before long they begin to compete in small ways for my favor and attention, and to show themselves before me as men, and soon there is dissension among them all, and ill feeling. So I must be just another worker, one of themselves. They must feel at ease with me, not temper their speech to a woman’s ears, or feel compelled to give me their lightest work.”