The Terran Magda thought, Well, that makes sense. But the girl reared in Caer Donn discovered that she was choking as she spoke the words. Peter wanted a child. I didn’t, then, but 1 was ashamed of not wanting it; I was almost as disappointed as he, to find I was not pregnant. I wanted so to please him. I knew I’d failed him-and now I can never . . . never make it up to him…. She heard herself, to her own shame and horror, sob aloud. He wanted that so much, and 1 failed him in that, I failed him in everything . . ..
Jaelle waited for her sobs to quiet, repeating inexorably, “ . . . Any man’s place, position or pride . . ..”
Magda repeated the words, but found that she was crying as she spoke them. She ordered and commanded herself to be calm. What’s happening to me? Why am I coming apart like this?
“From this day forth I renounce allegiance to any family, clan, household, warden or liege lord, and take oath that I owe allegiance only to the laws of the land as a free citizen must; to the kingdom, the crown and the Gods.”
Magda repeated the words mechanically. She was almost too exhausted by emotion to hear them or understand their sense.
“I shall appeal to no man as of right, for protection, support or succor: but shall owe allegiance only to my oath-mother, to my sisters in the Guild and to my employer for the season of my employment.”
And what of my loyalty to the Empire? Magda repeated the words, forcing them past the lump in her throat. \
“And I further swear that the members of the Guild of Free Amazons shall be to me, each and every one, as my mother, my sister or my daughter, born of one blood with me, and that no woman sealed by oath to the Guild shall appeal to me in vain. …”
Magda discovered that her throat was thick again with unshed tears. She thought, My mother is long dead. I never had a sister, and 1 shall never have a daughter. Yet I swear . . ..
Jaelle reached out her hands, clasped Magda’s cold hands in her own. She said quietly, “Margali n’ha Ysabet, I accept you before the Goddess as oath-daughter; henceforward you shall be, as daughter and sister to me and to every one of us in the Guild. Here in the presence of these witnesses, I declare that you are from this moment sealed by oath to the Guild of Free Amazons, subject only to our laws, and I give you freedom of the Guild: and in token I exchange with you this greeting.” She drew Magda close and solemnly kissed her on the mouth. “Kneel,” she said softly, “and repeat: From this moment, I swear to obey all the laws of the Guild of Free Amazons and any lawful command of my oath-mother, the Guild members or my elected leader for the season of my employment. And if I betray any secret of the Guild, or prove false to my oath, then I shall submit myself to the Guild-mothers for such discipline as they shall choose; and if I fail, then may every woman’s hand turn against me, let them slay me like an animal and consign my body un-buried to corruption and my soul to the mercy of the Goddess.”
Too late to retreat. Numb, desperate, Magda heard herself stumble through the words that condemned her to betray someone. Whatever I do now, I am forsworn. What shall I do, what shall I do?
Jaelle raised her to her feet, hugged her close. “Don’t cry, my sister,” she said softly, using the word in the ultimate mode. “I know, it is a great and solemn step to take, and few of us have taken it without tears.”
Camilla wrapped her in her tunic. “Poor little thing, you are chilled to the bone! Jaelle, how could you let her go through that long oath, standing there almost naked? When we had once seen her, you might have stopped to let her cover herself!” She wrapped a blanket over the tunic, drew her to the fire.