“No,” said Jaelle. “You narrowly escaped frostbite as it was. So you thought you could get through the night without betraying yourself-”
“And then it seemed to me that those men knew something of importance to my mission. Something so important that nothing else seemed to matter.”
“What prompted you to wear men’s boots? Was it only ignorance?”
“Lady Rohana provided the boots,” said Magda, “but I knew no better.”
Camilla laughed suddenly. “I told the Lady Rohana that her ignorance of our customs would make trouble sometime; but it came many years later than I thought it would! Well, she meant well; I suppose if you had met no real Amazons you might have passed, indeed, as one of us.”
Jaelle said curiously, “But, were you not afraid to travel in the Hellers, alone, and with winter coming on?”
A few hours ago Magda would have said, “No, I was not afraid.” Now, having tasted fear, she was more honest with herself. “I was afraid, yes. But it seemed to me that my mission was more important than fear.”
For the first time Jaelle’s eyes were, a little kinder. “So you felt the dress of an Amazon would protect you? Well, the disguise even deceived us, for a little while, and it seems to me that in general you tried to conduct yourself in such a way as to bring no disgrace upon our dress and name. It is not your fault you failed. But what put it into your head to come alone on such a mission, my girl? Was there no man to whom you could turn, no relative, no father, no warden, overlord or guardian? What is the mission on which you must travel alone?”
Having no better idea, Magda told the truth; or as much of it as she dared. “A near kinsman”-(A husband is related, damn it, related by marriage at least…)-“is held at Sain Scarp for ransom; ^f he is not ransomed by midwinter, he will be tortured and killed.”
“And no man in your family or household would help you? But I do not understand this,” Jaelle said. “If you had the right to appeal to the Lady Rohana, you would have had an equal right to appeal to her husband or to her sons for their aid.”
Magda said steadily, “I have no right to appeal to the Lady Rohana. She aided me out of kindness and charity, because I had none other to help me.”
“Ah, that is like her,” said Jaelle. “No lame dog of the mountains ever came limping in vain to her doorstep.” She sighed and yawned, covering her mouth with a small hand, so graceful it was hard to believe she had wounded a man, had beaten Magda with those same small hands. “Well, I am not your guardian, and your affairs are none of my business; normally I would feel bound to help anyone under the shelter of my kinswoman’s patronage. But there is a more serious point at issue here. It seems to me, truly, that you have shown a spirit almost worthy of a true Amazon, venturing alone into the Hellers in the decline of the year, instead of calling upon some man for protection. You were stupid, yes, and you were unlucky; but if stupidity were a crime, half the human race would be outlawed at every crossroad, and-how says the proverb? If ill luck were Cheese, dairywomen would go wanting work. Just the same”-she frowned-“no one may be allowed to impersonate a Free Amazon. Camilla has told us how one such impersonation was punished!”
Magda shuddered, but forced herself to say boldly, “You have said it yourself: I did nothing to disgrace you. And I know that Lady Rohana was allowed to travel with your band, dressed as one of you.”
“True. But the law requires that before this is allowed, the woman must have the permission of the elected leader, and the consent of every one of the women who is to travel in their company.”
“Then give me such permission,” Magda challenged, and Jaelle broke into an unexpected smile.
“I almost wish the laws of our Guild permitted it,” she said half aloud. “A thousand pities Rohana did not know how inflexible is that law. Had she sent for me, and asked that leave, before you had shown yourself in Amazon’s dress, I almost believe-” She sighed, and said, “Well, the law does not allow me to give you that permission once you have invaded the privacy of my women in disguise: unknowing, perhaps, in ignorance of your crime, but invaded nonetheless. There was a day-and if we are not vigilant it could come again on Darkover-when we were invaded constantly by enemies, spies, seeking to learn something of our ways and weaknesses, or to carry tales about us, hoping to slander us to our disadvantage. The penalty for a man who invades us in disguise is death or mutilation, as we may choose and as circumstances dictate. For a woman the penalty never changes. Before you depart from us, the lie must become truth: You must take the oath of the Free Amazons, here and now.”