Lady Jerana said querulously, “I think this whole business is outrageous; can’t you stop it, Lorill?”
Rohana thought, with anger she did not know she possessed, that it had been outrageous enough to discuss the girl before her face as if she were deaf, dumb, blind and feeble of wit. Lorill Hastur seemed to echo her indignation as he said, “It is Rohana’s right to choose where Jaelle should be fostered, Jerana; she first consulted you, and you chose not to exercise your privilege of decision. Now I will defend Rohana’s right to choose.”
Oh, good for you, Lorill! She looked at him gratefully, thinking that being Chief Councilor couldn’t be the most pleasant of jobs. Jerana’s pretty, vapid face was spiteful.
“Well, Rohana, at least “you need not worry about finding someone to marry Jalak’s daughter; I have always heard that the Free Amazons are eager to find pretty young girls whom they can convert to their unnatural way of life, turning them against marriage and motherhood, making them haters of men and lovers of women. It was clever of you to let Jaelle among them___”
White with anger, Rohana felt that she would like to slap Jerana’s sneering mouth, silence the filthy implication of those words. Then, as she saw Kindra smiling, she knew her sojourn with the Amazons had changed one thing forever. ,
She would return to her old life, and the world of women. For the rest of her days she would tune her decisions to the invisible winds of Gabriel’s whims, perhaps. But one-thing would never be the same; and it was a difference that changed the world.
Rohana knew, now, that she was living that life by choice; not because her mind was too narrowly bounded to imagine any other life, but because, having known another life and weighed it, she had decided that what was good in her world-her deep affection for Gabriel, her love for her children, the responsibility of the estate of Ardais that demanded the hand of its lady-outweighed what was difficult, or hard for her to accept.
And so nothing that any woman like Jerana might say could ever hurt her or make her angry again. Jerana was simply a stupid, narrow, unimaginative and spiteful woman: she had never had any opportunity to be otherwise. Kindra was worth a hundred like Jerana. I am free. She could never be, Rohana thought.
She said, almost gently, “I am sorry you feel that way about it, Jerana, but this seems to me a happy choice for Jaelle; you did not choose to foster her yourself, and since you do not love her, it is just as well. I would be selfish indeed to keep Jaelle tied to the ribbons of my sash, just to comfort me in my bereavement.”
“You will give her to that-that Free Amazon, that shame and scandal to womanhood?”
Rohana said serenely, “I know her, Jerana, and you do not.” She held out her arms to Jaelle and said, “I told you that if my own daughter made such a choice, I would listen to her. Be it as you wish, then.” She folded Jaelle in her arms, and for the first time the little girl hugged her, hard, kissing her on the cheek, her eyes shining. Rohana said, “I give you to Kindra to foster, Jaelle. I bid you be a dutiful daughter to her; and do not forget me.”
Then, letting Jaelle go, she stretched her hands to the Free Amazon. The older woman’s calloused, sunburned hands met her own; the level gray eyes looked straight into hers. She said quietly, “Lady, may the Goddess deal with me as I with Jaelle.”
Rohana’s mind lay open to the touch. Again, and for the last time, she felt the Amazon’s immense kindness, steadiness; she knew she would trust Kindra with her life-or with this other life so precious to her. She was surprised to feel that her eyes were filling with tears.
She thought, I almost wish I were coming with you, too. . ,
Kindra said softly, aloud, “So do I, Rohana.” There was no formal “My Lady” now; they had gone too deep for that. Rohana could not speak, even to say good-bye; she laid Jaelle’s hand in Kindra’s and turned away.