All I can do is to tell Montray I’ve jailed, that-literally-he sent a woman to do a man’s job, and on this world, a woman couldn’t handle it. He will have to send someone else. There will still be time, just barely.
And what’s ahead for me, on this world, after that?
Nothing….
Magda accepted the fact that this meant exile from her own world, which was Darkover. She could never again take up her old work in Thendara; once she stepped into the Darkovan zone, any Free Amazon was legally entitled to kill her on sight. She would have to put in for a transfer, go somewhere else.
To a planet where a woman can have something genuine to do. She thought, bleakly, that at least her coup with the Free Amazons-I’ve quadrupled all existing knowledge about them-would bring her an offer worthy of her capabilities.
The thought of leaving Darkover brought sharp, tearing pain, almost a physical agony. But there was no other way. She knew she could no longer endure the ordinary life of a woman op this world, nor the limited work that a woman could do here for the Empire.
If I could live here as a Free Amazon… but the price of keeping her oath was Peter’s death by torture.
He is Darkovan, too. Would he accept his life, knowing I had bought it by oath breaking and the sacrifice of integrity? The thought was too painful to endure. Magda forced herself to get up, to break off the endless, useless self-questioning.
Jaelle, already dressed, was standing by the fire, making up a hot drink from roasted grain; Magda had tasted it a few times in Caer Donn. She dipped up a cup for Magda, and said, “I made them let you sleep; you must have been wearied to death. The others are out with the horses, making ready to go. This morning you and I take the road for the Guild-house, where your name will be written on the rolls of the Charter.”
Magda said, in a last desperate attempt to get through to her, “I have told you my mission is life and death; my kinsman will die by torture if I do not ransom him at midwinter.”
Jaelle looked sympathetic. But she said, “By oath, sister, you renounced loyalty to any man, and to any household, family or clan. Your loyalties are to us now.”
Magda clenched her fists in utter despair. Jaelle said gently, “When we reach the Guild-house, you may lay your case before the Guild-mothers; it may be that when they have heard all, they will decide that your claim does not violate the oath, and send someone hi your place to ransom him. There would be tune for that. But I am not empowered to make that decision.”
Magda turned abruptly away. So be it, she thought grimly; on your own head, Jaelle, even if I have to kill you.
The other women came from the barn, laughing, chattering, talking of the ride ahead. Jaelle said, “The rest of you may ride when you will, but you must choose another leader; Margali and I must ride for Neskaya.”
“Oh, Jaelle,” Gwennis protested, “you took this mission because your brother is there, and you have not seen him in year’s! Appoint one of us to take her to Neskaya for you! I will gladly change with you.”
Jaelle laughed, shaking her head. “Why, I just reproved Margali, reminding her that our first loyalty is to Guild, not kindred! As for my brother, a boy of ten has little need for a visit from a grown sister; I can see him at Ardais in midsummer, and anyway, no doubt dom Gabriel has taught him enough about the family disgrace that I am sure he would rather be spared my visit!”
Magda asked, “Is your brother a monk, then?”
“Oh, no! But he has been sent there, like many Comyn sons, to learn to read ‘and write and to hear something of our history. He is Rohana’s fosterling; I have seen him but once since he was three years old.”
Pretending interest, she asked the nature of the mission.
“At Nevarsin, the monks keep the records of much knowledge lost elsewhere since the Ages of Chaos. They will not teach women, and we are not even allowed to stay in the guesthouse, but we have leave to use their library. Our best scribes, a little at a time, are transcribing their books on anatomy and surgery, as well as those on birth and the diseases of women- books you would think they would turn over to us entirely, since the monks can make no use of them. We are allowed to have only two scribes there at a time; Rayna and Sherna are going there to change with two women who have been there for half a year, and Gwennis to keep house for them in the village, while Camilla will escort the others home.”