The Stainless Steel Rat Sings the Blues by Harry Harrison

“Was I? I don’t remember. Everything is still kind of fuzzy.”

“Jim-don’t do this to me. You have to remember! And what were you shouting at the Admiral about? Something about poison and another Admiral.”

“That’s easy enough to answer. Certain individuals blackmailed me into this operation by telling me I had been poisoned and that I had thirty days to live if I didn’t get the antidote. There was no poison-therefore no antidote. So all the time we have been rushing about I have been thinking about the poison and counting the days before I curled up my toes and keeled over.”

He was silent a moment, then he spoke.

“That’s pretty heavy. You are sure about that?”

“I am. And I am also terminally tired so can we please put this conversation off for a bit. I would just like to concentrate on putting one foot in front of another for awhile.”

Like it or not Floyd had to settle for that for the moment. Because I needed some time for deep cogitation, to dream up some sort of reasonable story for him-as well as the rest of the troops. Stumbling with fatigue I was grateful that we made our way through the tunnels without meeting any opposition. Though I had the gun ready just in case. When Fido actuated the escape hatch and it opened to reveal the blue sky-I sighed with relief, Gave the gun back to Floyd and used my remaining strength to crawl out onto the ground. Dropped with a groan and leaned back against a polpettone tree.

“You have the gun, Floyd,” I said. “So pass me back that ancient artifact if you please. Aida-is there any transportation on the way?”

“There should be. I sent out your position as soon as you were aboveground and I could get a triangulation. Help is on the way.”

As indeed it was-for a black spot in the sky grew quickly into the launch from the good old Remorseless. It landed with a shuddering thud, which bit of flying I recognized, so I was not surprised when Captain Tremearne exited through the open door.

“Congratulations,” he said, and stuck out his hand. “You did it, Jim.”

“Thanks,” I said, as he gave my hand a good crushing handshake. “And don’t think that it was easy.”

“Never! I was there-remember. Can I relieve you of that thing?”

“No!” I shouted-and was shocked to hear the fine edge of hysteria, or incipient madness, to my voice. Well why not! “I’ll hand it over-along with a detailed explanation of just what it is-at the meeting.”

“What meeting?”

“The meeting that you are now going to arrange at the Pentagon. I’ll want all The Stainless Steel Rats there. A last reunion so to speak. Has Madonette gone back to her imprisoning office yet?”

“She was supposed to. But she would not leave the planet until you came back.”

“Faithful to the end! So in addition to all the Rats I would like a few other friends present.”

“Friends?” He looked baffled. “Like who?”

“Well that macho fat thug Svinjar for one. King of the Machmen. Then you can invite Iron John and his opposite number, Mata. Ask yourself to come along as well. It will make an interesting gathering.”

“Interesting-yes’. But impossible. None of the exiles on this prison planet is permitted inside the Pentagon.”

“Really? I thought that you were the guy that was going to see that Liokukae was cleaned up and cleaned out?”

“Yes-but-”

“Now is the time, Captain. For at this meeting I am not only going to turn over the alien artifact and reveal its secret- but I am going to tell everyone just how the situation here is going to end.”

“How?”

“You’re invited to the meeting. You’ll hear then.”

“This will not be easy to arrange.”

“Yes it will.” I pointed to Floyd. “Ask him about the strange things that happened when we were back there with the Survivalists. Admiral Steengo will verify his reports. There is a lot more to be cleaned up on this planet than you ever realized. Get your arguments together, consult your superiors, look after this.” I passed over the artifacted artifact. “And don’t wake me up until it has been all arranged.”

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