A Phule and His Money by Robert Asprin with Peter J. Heck

Suddenly one of the onlookers let out a gasp. “Look! The lizard’s stopped!” he shouted, pointing down the course. Sure enough, after covering approximately a quarter of the distance, Qual had come to an open area, stopped, and was now sitting down on the ground in the middle of it.

“What the devil is he doing?” said one spectator, who’d been betting heavily on the Zenobian. “Is he worn out, or has he gone plumb crazy?”

“It’s a fix!” yelled another bettor. “I want my money back!”

“No way, buddy,” said the bookie who’d taken his wager. “You can’t afford to lose, don’t bet your money. Anybody wants to hedge their bets, I’m givin’ two-to-five on the cats.”

“Gambolts go!” barked Brandy, and almost as if flung from a catapult, the three Gambolts were streaking down the course, making an incredible pace without showing any strain at all. All three had their eyes on Qual, who lounged almost insolently in plain sight a short distance down the course. Some bettors turned to admire the Gambolts’ speed and grace, but others were waving wads of money at the bookies. Within less than a minute, the odds had dropped to one-to-ten. The bookies did their best to stall these bettors, trying to accommodate the few suckers still willing to bet on the underdog Qual.

“OK,” said Brandy, seeing the Gambolts well down the course. She turned to face the recruits and put her fists on her hips. “Listen up, people,” she barked. “You’re Legion, now, and what’s more, you’re Omega Mob, and that means family. We run the obstacle course our own way, and you’re gonna see that right now.” She reached to her chest and grasped a whistle hanging from a lanyard, put it to her mouth, and blew a shrill blast.

Out of the crowd, where they’d mingled unnoticed in mufti, came the Omega Mob. Not all of them-the guard detail at the Fat Chance had to be kept up to strength-but enough to multiply the strength of the recruit’s squad tenfold. “This is your family,” said Brandy. “We all run together-officers, NCOs, recruits, humans, Synthians, Gambolts-everybody! Let’s show ’em how we do it.”

Nobody bothered to ask whether the Gambolts’ three minute head start had expired. The spectators watched, open-mouthed, as the Omega Mob, with Phule and Brandy in the lead, surged forward, and the new recruits were swept up with them.

Up ahead, the Gambolts had closed to within a few dozen yards of Flight Leftenant Qual, who had risen to his feet again. Now the Zenobian began to display the same kind of speed and elusiveness he’d given the legionnaires during the chase through the casino, with half the Omega Mob in pursuit.

Dukes had decided to try a full-speed-ahead charge at his quarry, and so he was nearly within arms’ reach of Qual when the lizardlike alien feinted to the left, took a sliding step to the right, and then suddenly dived under the Gambolt’s grasp. The maneuver put Qual in the clear for a moment, as Dukes somersaulted, recovering quickly from his headlong dive.

Qual did not have long to think about his next move, as Rube was on him almost instantly. This time, Qual put on a burst of speed directly away from Rube-and toward the recovering Dukes, who eagerly spread his arms to contain the fleeing Zenobian.

Just as it looked as if the two Gambolts had succeeded in cornering him, Qual made another sudden change of direction, and Rube, unable to slow down quickly enough, plowed into Dukes. The two went down in a heap, and lay there stunned as Qual sprinted away. That left Garbo, who had held back a few paces from the other two pursuers, the only Gambolt still on her feet. She changed direction, following Qual as if she were attached to his tail with a sixfoot wire.

Qual had taken a twisting course, changing direction every few steps, but now he straightened out and sprinted directly back toward the starting line of the obstacle course. In pursuit was Garbo, sticking close but gaining no ground. A few yards behind her, Dukes and Rube were back on their feet, in the chase again. And ahead of Qual was the Omega Mob, picking up speed as it ran the course.

By now, the spectators were in a frenzy. Perched on a hill overlooking the course, they could see all the action. The bookies were now accepting side bets on which Gambolt would catch the Zenobian, with Garbo a clear favorite, although both Dukes and Rube were drawing some support. Despite Qual’s impressive show of speed, only the die-hard longshot players were still betting that he would elude all three pursuers.

And, in fact, Qual seemed to be running into a trap of his own making. Directly ahead of him was a high wall, a much more formidable barrier for the little lizard than for his pursuers. Qual had managed to scale the wall on his way out onto the course, but nowhere near as easily as the Gambolts, who had sailed over it almost without slowing down. Sensing their quarry’s predicament, Dukes and Rube spread out to either side, effectively closing off the Zenobian’s escape in those directions. As if conceding defeat, Qual stopped perhaps ten feet short of the wall, turning to face his pursuers with a smile.

Then, behind him, the wall fell down.

On the other side awaited the Omega Mob-over a hundred strong.

Phule stood at the head of the company. He pointed forward and shouted, “To the finish line! All together!”

The Omega Mob moved forward like a tidal wave. As they passed Qual and the Gambolts, they picked them up and carried them along with them, chairing them on the shoulders of their comrades, cheering as if they’d won a gravball championship. There were obstacles in their way, but it didn’t matter. The Mob didn’t slow until they’d reached the finish line, and behind them the course was flat as a pancake.

“I’m still not sure I understand what happened out there,” said Jennie Higgins, leaning back in her chair and clasping her hands behind her head. “The Gambolts chased the Zenobian around, and then the rest of the company came and swept them all along to the finish line, without settling anything-the bookies tried to argue that the Gambolts had lost, but eventually the bettors made them call off all the bets. What were you trying to accomplish?”

Phule smiled. It was easy to smile, sitting with someone as pretty as Jennie across the table from him. “There were two things we needed to do for the company, and I think we did them,” he said. “And there were a couple of longer-range things I hoped we’d accomplish, although the jury’s still out on those.”

“And are you going to tell me what those things were, or do I have to sit here and guess?” asked Jennie, teasingly. Phule shrugged. “Oh, most of it’s no secret. The first thing we needed to do was show the new recruits they’re part of the company-family, is more like it. That’s the basic purpose of our obstacle course exercise, really. We run the course as a company, rather than individually, to show everyone that together they can overcome things very few of them could singly.”

“Yes, that was clear,” said Jennie. “That strong esprit de corps has marked your company as long as I’ve known it. But that doesn’t explain why you let the Zenobian run out first, or sent the Gambolts after him.”

“Leftenant Qual got off on a bad foot when he came to join us,” said Phule. “Some of the company had the impression he was spying on us. Well, a couple of nights back he rescued one of our people who got in a tough spot, which did a lot to change that false impression. But I wanted to solidify the company’s sense that he was working with us, and luckily the Leftenant was willing to play the role I offered him, as a rabbit for the Gambolts to chase.”

“Willing?” Jennie laughed. “It looked to me as if he was really enjoying himself out there. At least, as far as I can judge a Zenobian’s expression.”

“Yes, I think he was,” said Phule. “He has kind of an odd sense of humor, but I think he gets a kick out of being pursued. Possibly because, on their own world, his people are the hunters, and so it amuses him to play the quarry instead.”

“OK, that makes sense, but why have only the Gambolts chase him, instead of the whole company?”

“Two reasons,” said Phule. He leaned forward and lowered his voice. “Now we’re getting to the part I don’t want spread too widely-though I suppose some people will guess it by themselves.”

“I won’t write anything that could damage the company,” said Jennie. “You should know that, by now.”

“You’ve been very supportive,” said Phule. “Anyhow, you know the Gambolts’ reputation as the finest fighting troops in the Galaxy. They’ve always served in their own elite units, so it was quite an honor when they asked to join my company.”

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