A Phule and His Money by Robert Asprin with Peter J. Heck

Sushi put a little bob-and-weave into his run. He didn’t know who he was running from, but the likely candidates wouldn’t blink at shooting him in the back. Behind him, the pursuers were on their feet again and coming after him. Well, that ended any chance they were ordinary thieves. They could’ve hocked the repairman’s tools for more money than a worker was likely to be carrying.

Another glance back showed him he was gaining on his pursuers. Ahead, there were only a couple of people on the street between him and the corner. Maybe they were tourists. So far neither had reacted to him. He decided to give both as wide a berth as possible.

The first man he passed flattened himself against the building to one side, clearly unwilling to get involved. Sushi swung wide of him anyhow, in case he was shamming. But the other man stood stock-still, not blocking the way, but not getting out of the way, either. Sushi had a split second to decide which way to dodge when he heard a crash behind him and voices raised in anger. The man ahead of him fell back, astonished. When Sushi saw that, he actually turned and looked back-just in time to see both his pursuers down on the street. Do-Wop was picking himself up and sprinting after Sushi.

Sushi dodged past the astonished man, and a moment later he and Do-Wop turned, side by side, into the alleyway that led to the shuttle entrance. Ahead of them, Lieutenant Rembrandt was rising to her feet, a book in her hand. They were home free. It was a moment’s work to duck through the hatchway, dog it shut behind them, and take their seats. Phule gave Do-Wop and Sushi a stare, but said nothing. Minutes later, the shuttle was leaving Lorelei.

Journal #350

Departure from Lorelei did not by any means end my employer’s concerns with events on that station. In fact, several of them needed resolution even before our transport ship reached its first stop…

Phule looked across his desk at the woman sitting next to Beeker. He wasn’t quite sure how to handle this. It had never occurred to him that Beeker’s personal life might thrust itself into his awareness. It was hard enough accepting that Beeker had a personal life. Well, no sense dithering; he was going to have to deal with it.

“So, Laverna, do I understand correctly that you’re considering joining the Space Legion?” he began.

“I was told that it was the only condition under which the Legion would give me passage off Lorelei,” said Laverna, looking at Beeker.

“Well, that’s not strictly true,” said Phule. “The Legion routinely gives passage to several categories of civilians. Essential staff, immediate families of senior officers…Um…those don’t actually apply, do they?”

“You’d know that better than I do,” said Laverna. “I can pay for my fare, if you’re worried about that. I assume you can scramble the credit transaction so Maxine can’t trace it?”

“Certainly,” said Phule. “But I don’t think we need you to pay. As company commander, I have a certain discretionary budget, and of course what I spend my own money for isn’t the Legion’s business, with one or two fairly obvious exceptions.”

“If it comes to that, I can pay for Miss Laverna’s passage,” said Beeker.

“I can pay my own way,” Laverna repeated. “Let’s forget about that for now, all right? What I need to know is, if I do decide to join the Legion-which I haven’t done yet-what kind of choice do I have as far as my assignment?”

“Quite frankly, I don’t know all the regulations,” said Phule. “I do know you have less choice than a recruiting officer would try to make you think. You can request anything you want, but the Legion makes assignments based on its own needs.”

“I suspected as much,” said Laverna, with a thin smile. She glanced sideways at Beeker. “But tell me this: If I do qualify for a particular specialty, does the Legion guarantee to train me in it?”

“Yes,” said Phule. “There’s no guarantee what’ll happen once your training’s done. Suppose you put in for training as a quantum mechanic and assignment to Altair IV. They’d give you the training-assuming you’d qualify-but you might still end up digging ditches halfway across the galaxy.”

“Understood,” said Laverna. “Question two: If I do decide to join, my previous identity is kept secret?”

“Yes again,” said Phule. “That doesn’t mean it can’t get out. As you probably know, Chocolate Harry kept his gang nickname when he joined, and was a little too free with details of his past-which let some of his old enemies track him down. And of course, my own family name is an open secret. But I don’t think your situation is comparable, especially if you take a few steps to cover your trail.”

“You can do all that without joining the Legion, you know,” said Beeker. He said it in a level tone, but Phule thought he detected a note of urgency in the butler’s voice.

“I realize that,” said Laverna, looking Beeker in the eye. “But what I know about Maxine Pruett’s business is enough to make me a target-even if Maxine isn’t in charge on Lorelei. And it’s going to make anybody associated with me a target, including a certain butler.”

“I am willing to accept that risk,” said Beeker.

“And I’m not willing to subject you to it,” said Laverna fiercely. “The only way either of us is safe is if we’re apart. Then you can rely on your cover story: I tricked you into helping me escape, then robbed you and abandoned you. They’ll believe that of me, so they’ll leave you alone. And you won’t know where I am, so you won’t be able to give me away.”

“Perhaps I would wish to know where you are,” said Beeker. This time the emotion in his voice was unmistakable, Phule thought, though he still kept a straight face.

“There’ll be time for that,” said Laverna. “Neither of us is a child. We know how to take the long view. I’ll finish my Legion hitch in a few years, and you’ll retire from your job at some point in the future. And then we can see what there is to see. I think that is wisest.”

“So you are going to enlist, after all?” asked Phule. “If you’d like, we can cut you temporary orders attaching you to this company for your basic training, while your application for advanced training is being processed. When we know where you’re going, we can send you there.”

“I appreciate the offer, Captain,” said Laverna. “But if I am on the same world as you and Beeker for any length of time, someone is bound to come looking for me. Better if, at the next reasonable transfer point, you send me to another Legion base for basic training. That way, the risks for all of us will be minimized.”

“Very well,” said Phule. “That’s a sensible precaution, and I’ll make the arrangements for it. Meanwhile, I can put in your application for advanced training, if you know what you’d like.”

“Yes, I think so,” said Laverna. “I’ve always thought I’d be a good emergency paramedic. Do you think the Legion needs any of those?”

“I believe so,” said Phule, surprised. “I’ll put you in for it. Now, unless you can think of anything else we need to settle, I’ll get to work on this, and you two can have a little more time together before we change ships. Good luck, Miss Laverna.”

“Thank you, Captain,” she said, with one of her rare smiles. “To tell the truth, I hope I won’t need it.”

“I want straight answers from you two,” said Phule. He glared at the two legionnaires in his office, trying his best to look intimidating. He wasn’t quite sure it was working.

“Straight answers about what, Captain?” said Sushi. His quizzical expression made him look fifteen years old.

“Yeah, we ain’t done nothin’,” said Do-Wop, considerably less innocent-looking.

Phule sighed. He should have known he wouldn’t get anything out of this pair without arm-twisting. “All right, I guess I’ll have to spell it out,” he said. “You two made it to the shuttle by the skin of your teeth, under hot pursuit. It’s a good thing nobody with an arrest warrant walked up to the hatchway before we got it dogged, or you two might still be there.”

“But we weren’t late, sir,” said Sushi, mildly. “I don’t see how it makes any difference whether we’re on the shuttle an hour before it leaves or thirty seconds before, as long as we’re there and buckled in when it’s ready.”

“Normally, neither would I,” said Phule. “You know I run a loose ship, and that’s not about to change. I wouldn’t have said a word about it except for the latest reports from the team we left on Lorelei.”

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