“Well, what can I do for you?” Alice asked once they were seated.
Kim launched into an explanation of her current living situation. She tried to be honest and fully admitted her disappointment that things had not gone as she’d anticipated. As she spoke she began to hear herself assuming most of the blame. Alice heard it too.
“This is sounding like an old story,” Alice said in a nonjudgmental way. Alice then inquired about Edward’s personality and social skills.
Kim described Edward, and with the help of Alice’s presence, she immediately heard herself defending him.
“Do you think there is any resemblance between the relationship you had with your father and the relationship you have with Edward?” Alice asked.
Kim thought for a moment and then admitted her behavior in regard to the recent dinner party had suggested some analogy.
“It sounds to me that they are superficially quite similar,” Alice said. “I can remember your describing similar frustration about trying to please your father. Both of these men appear to have an overriding interest in their business agendas that supersedes their personal lives.”
“It’s temporary with Edward,” Kim said.
“Are you sure about that?” Alice questioned.
Kim thought for a moment before answering:’ ‘I guess you can never be sure about what another person is thinking.”
“Precisely,” Alice said. “Who knows, Edward could be changing. Nevertheless, it sounds like Edward needs your social support and you are giving it. There’s nothing wrong with that except I sense that your needs aren’t currently being met.”
“That’s an understatement,” Kim admitted.
“You should be thinking about what is good for you and act accordingly,” Alice said. “I know that is easy to say and difficult to do. Your self-esteem is terrified to lose his love. At any rate at least give it serious thought.”
“Are you saying I shouldn’t be living with Edward?” Kim asked.
“Absolutely not,” Alice said. “That’s not for me to say. Only you can say that. But as we discussed in the past, I think you should give thought to issues of codependency.”
“Do think there are codependent issues here?” Kim asked.
“I just would like it to enter into your thinking,” Alice said. “You know there is a tendency for people who were abused as children to re-create the circumstances of the abuse in their own domestic situations.”
“But you know I wasn’t abused,” Kim said.
“I know you weren’t abused in the general sense of the term,” Alice said. “But you didn’t have a good relationship with your father. Abuse can come in many different forms because of the vast difference in power between the parent and the child.”
“I see what you mean,” Kim said.
Alice leaned forward and put her hands on her knees. She smiled warmly. “It sounds to me like we have some things that we should talk about. Unfortunately our half hour is up. I wish I could give you more time, but on such short notice this is the best I can do. I hope I’ve at least got you thinking about your own needs.”
Kim got to her feet. Glancing at her watch, she was amazed at how quickly the time had gone. She thanked Alice profusely.
“How is your anxiety?” Alice asked. “I could give you a few Xanax if you think you might need it.”
Kim shook her head. “Thanks, but I’m okay,” she said. “Besides, I still have a couple of those you gave me years ago.”
“Call if you’d like to make a real appointment,” Alice said.
Kim assured her that she’d give her more notice in the future and then left. As she walked back to the train station, Kim thought about the short session she’d had. It had seemed she was just getting started when it was over. Yet Alice had given her a lot to think about, and that was precisely why Kim had wanted to see her.
As she rode back to Salem, Kim stared out the window and decided that she had to talk to Edward. She knew it would not be an easy task because such confrontations were extremely difficult for her. Besides, with the pressure Edward was under he was hardly in the mood for such emotionally laden issues like whether they should currently be living together. Yet she knew she had to have a conversation with him before things got worse.