“He was a loyal pet,” Kim said. She wasn’t about to tell him her true feelings about the dog.
“This is another example of why you should give Ultra a chance,” Edward said. “I guarantee it will calm you down. Who knows, maybe it would clear your mind enough to help you with your quest to learn the truth about Elizabeth.”
“I think only hard work can possibly do that,” Kim said.
Edward gave her a quick kiss, thanked her effusively for her moral support, and disappeared back into the lab. Kim turned around and started for the castle. She’d only gone a short distance when she started to worry about Sheba. Suddenly she remembered letting the cat out the night before, after she’d fed Buffer, and she hadn’t seen her that morning.
Reversing her direction, Kim headed for the cottage. As she walked she gradually increased her pace. Buffer’s death had added to her general anxiety. She couldn’t imagine how devastated she’d be if Sheba had succumbed to a similar fate as Buffer.
Entering the house, Kim called for Sheba. She quickly climbed the stairs and went into her bedroom. To her relief she saw the cat curled up in a ball of fur in the middle of the bed. Kim rushed over and snuggled with the animal. Sheba gave her one of her disdainful looks for being disturbed.
After petting the cat for several minutes, Kim went to her bureau. With tremulous fingers she picked up the container of Ultra she’d put there the night before. Once again she removed one of the blue capsules and examined it. She yearned for relief. She debated with herself the idea of trying the drug for twenty-four hours, just to see what it could do for her. Edward’s ability to deal so well with Buffer’s death was an impressive testimonial. Kim went so far as to get a glass of water.
But she did not take the capsule. Instead she began to wonder if Edward’s response was too modulated. From her reading as well as her intuition Kim knew that a certain amount of grieving was a necessary human emotion. That made her consider whether blocking the normal process of grieving might exact a price in the future.
With that thought in mind, Kim replaced the capsule in the vial and hazarded another visit to the lab. Fearing being entrapped by more interminable demonstrations by Edward’s team, Kim literally sneaked into the building.
Luckily, only Edward and David were on the upper floor and they were at opposite ends of the huge room. Kim was able to surprise Edward without the others knowing she was there. When Edward saw her and started to respond, Kim shushed him with her finger to her lips. Taking his hand, she led him from the building.
Once the door to the lab had closed behind them, Edward grinned and asked, “What on earth has gotten into you?”
“I just want to talk to you,” Kim explained. “I had a thought that maybe you could include in the clinical protocol of Ultra.”
Kim explained to Edward what she’d thought about grief and expanded the notion to include anxiety and melancholy, saying that moderate amounts of these emotionally painful feelings play a positive role as motivators of human growth, change, and creativity. She concluded by saying, “What I’m worried about is that taking a drug like Ultra that modulates these mental states may have a hidden cost and could cause a serious negative side effect that would not be anticipated.”
Edward smiled and slowly nodded his head. He was impressed. “I appreciate your concern,” he said. “It’s an interesting thought you have, but I don’t share it. You see, it’s based on a false premise, namely that the mind is somehow mystically apart from the material body. That old hypothesis has been debunked by recent experience that shows that the mind and the body are one even in regards to mood and emotion. Emotion has been proved to be biologically determined by the fact that it is affected by drugs like Prozac, which alter levels of neurotransmitters. It has revolutionized ideas about brain function.”
“That kind of thinking is dehumanizing,” Kim complained.