they would be grateful if I would also cure Soledad.
What do you think I should do to cure her? I asked her
after a long silence.
Use your double, she said in a matter-of-fact tone.
I carefully went over the fact that dona Soledad had nearly
assassinated me and that I had survived by the grace of some-
thing in me, which was neither my skill nor my knowledge.
As far as I was concerned that undefined something that
seemed to have delivered a blow to her was real, but unreach-
able. In short, I could not help dona Soledad any more than I
could walk to the moon.
They listened to me attentively and remained quiet but
agitated.
Where is dona Soledad now? I asked Lidia.
She’s with la Gorda, she said in a despondent tone. La
Gorda took her away and is trying to cure her, but we really
don’t know where they are. That’s the truth.
And where’s Josefina?
She went to get the Witness. He is the only one who can
cure Soledad. Rosa thinks that you know more than the Wit-
ness, but since you’re angry with Soledad, you want her dead.
We don’t blame you.
I assured them that I was not angry with her, and above all
I did not want her dead.
Cure her, then! Rosa said in an angry, high-pitched voice.
The Witness has told us that you always know what to do,
and the Witness can’t be wrong.
And who in the devil is the Witness?
Nestor is the Witness, Lidia said as if she were reluctant
to voice his name. You know that. You have to.
I remembered that during our last meeting don Genaro had
called Nestor the Witness. I thought at the time that the name
was a joke or a ploy that don Genaro was using to ease the
gripping tension and the anguish of those last moments to-
gether.
That was no joke, Lidia said in a firm tone. Genaro and
the Nagual followed a different path with the Witness. They
took him along with them everywhere they went. And I mean
everywhere! The Witness has witnessed all there is to wit-
ness.
Obviously there was a tremendous misunderstanding be-
tween us. I labored to explain that I was practically a stranger
to them. Don Juan had kept me away from everyone, includ-
ing Pablito and Nestor. Outside of the casual hellos and good-
byes that all of them had exchanged with me over the years,
we had never actually talked. I knew all of them mainly
through the descriptions that don Juan had given me. Al-
though I had once met Josefina I could not remember what
she looked like, and all I had ever seen of la Gorda was her
gigantic behind. I said to them that I had not even known,
until the day before, that the four of them were don Juan’s
apprentices, and that Benigno was part of the group as well.
They exchanged a coy look with each other. Rosa moved
her lips to say something but Lidia gave her a command with
her feet. I felt that after my long and soulful explanation they
should not still sneak messages to each other. My nerves were
so taut that their covert foot movements were just the thing
to send me into a rage. I yelled at them at the top of my lungs
and banged on the table with my right hand. Rosa stood up
with unbelievable speed, and I suppose as a response to her
sudden movement, my body, by itself, without the notice of
my reason, moved a step back, just in time to avoid by inches
a blow from a massive stick or some heavy object that Rosa
was wielding in her left hand. It came down on the table with
a thunderous noise.
I heard again, as I had heard the night before while dona
Soledad was choking me, a most peculiar and mysterious
sound, a dry sound like a pipe breaking, right behind my
windpipe at the base of my neck. My ears popped, and with
the speed of lightning my left arm came down on top of
Rosa’s stick and crushed it. I saw the whole scene myself, as
if I had been watching a movie.
Rosa screamed and I realized then that I had leaned forward
with all my weight and had struck the back of her hand with
my left fist. I was appalled. Whatever was happening to me
was not real. It was a nightmare. Rosa kept on screaming.
Lidia took her into don Juan’s room. I heard her yells of pain
for a few moments longer and then they stopped. I sat down
at the table. My thoughts were disassociated and incoherent.
The peculiar sound at the base of my neck was something
I had become keenly aware of. Don Juan had described it as
the sound one makes at the moment of changing speed. I had
the faint recollection of having experienced it in his company.
Although I had become aware of it the previous night, I had
not fully acknowledged it until it happened with Rosa. I real-
ized then that the sound had created a special sensation of
heat on the roof of my mouth and inside my ears. The force
and dryness of the sound made me think of the peal of a large,
cracked bell.
Lidia returned awhile later. She seemed more calm and col-
lected. She even smiled. I asked her to please help me unravel
that riddle and tell me what had happened. After a long vacil-
lation she told me that when I had yelled and banged on the
table Rosa got excited and nervous, and believing I was going
to hurt them, she had tried to strike me with her dream
hand. I had dodged her blow and hit her on the back of her
hand, the same way I had struck dona Soledad. Lidia said that
Rosa’s hand would be useless unless I found a way to help
her.
Rosa walked into the room then. Her arm was wrapped
with a piece of cloth. She looked at me. Her eyes were like
those of a child. My feelings were at the height of turmoil.
Some part of me felt ugly and guilty. But again another part
remained unruffled. Had it not been for that part I would not
have survived either dona Soledad’s attack or Rosa’s devastat-
ing blow.
After a long silence I told them that it was very petty of
me to be annoyed by their foot messages, but that there was
no comparison between yelling or banging on the table and
what Rosa had done. In view of the fact that I had no famil-
iarity with their practices, she could have severed my arm
with her blow.
I demanded, in a very intimidating tone, to see her hand.
She reluctantly unwrapped it. It was swollen and red. There
was no doubt left in my mind that these people were carrying
out some sort of test that don Juan had set up for me. By con-
fronting them I was being hurled into a realm which was im-
possible to reach or accept in rational terms. He had said time
and time again that my rationality comprised only a very small
part of what he had called the totality of oneself. Under the
impact of the unfamiliar and the altogether real danger of my
physical annihilation, my body had had to make use of its
hidden resources, or die. The trick seemed to be in the truth-
ful acceptance of the possibility that such resources exist and
can be reached. The years of training had been but the steps
to arrive to that acceptance. Truthful to his premise of no
compromise, don Juan had aimed at a total victory or a total
defeat for me. If the training had failed to put me in contact
with my hidden resources, the test would have made it evi-
dent, in which case there would have been very little I could
have done. Don Juan had said to dona Soledad that I would
have killed myself. Being such a profound connoisseur of
human nature, he was probably right.
It was time to adopt a new course of action. Lidia had said
that I could help Rosa and dona Soledad with the same force
that had caused them injury; the problem, therefore, was to
get the right sequence of feelings, or thoughts, or whatever,
that led my body to unleash that force. I took Rosa’s hand and
rubbed it. I willed it to be cured. I had only the best feelings
for her. I caressed her hand and hugged her for a long time. I
rubbed her head and she fell asleep on my shoulder but there
was no change in the redness or the swelling.
Lidia watched me without saying a word. She smiled at me.