My left side took my edge back, she said. All I did was
to go and visit the girls. I went there four or five times to allow
them time to feel at ease with me. They were big girls and
were going to school. I thought I would have to fight not to
like them, but the Nagual said that it didn’t matter, that I
should like them if I wanted to. So I liked them. But my liking
them was just like liking a stranger. My mind was made up,
my purpose was unbending. I want to enter into the other
world while I’m still alive, as the Nagual told me. In order to
do that I need all the edge of my spirit. I need my complete-
ness. Nothing can turn me away from that world! Nothing!
She stared at me defiantly.
You have to refuse both, the woman who emptied you and
the little boy who has your love, if you are seeking your com-
pleteness. The woman you can easily refuse. The little boy is
something else. Do you think that your useless affection for
that child is so worthy as to keep you from entering into that
realm?
I had no answer. It was not that I wanted to think it over. It
was rather that I had become utterly confused.
Soledad has to take her edge out of Pablito if she wants to
enter into the nagual, she went on. How in the hell is she
going to do that? Pablito, no matter how weak he is, is a sor-
cerer. But the Nagual gave Soledad a unique chance. He said
to her that her only moment would come when you walked
into the house, and for that moment he not only made us move
out into the other house, but he made us help her widen the
path to the house, so you could drive your car to the very
door. He told her that if she lived an impeccable life she would
bag you, and suck away all your luminosity, which is all the
power the Nagual left inside your body. That would not be
difficult for her to do. Since she’s going in the opposite direc-
tion, she could drain you to nothing. Her great feat was to
lead you to a moment of helplessness.
Once she had killed you, your luminosity would have in-
creased her power and she would then have come after us. I
was the only one who knew that. Lidia, Josefina and Rosa love
her. I don’t. I knew what her designs were. She would have
taken us one by one, in her own time, since she had nothing to
lose and everything to gain. The Nagual said to me that there
was no other way for her. He entrusted me with the girls and
told me what to do in case Soledad killed you and came after
our luminosity. He figured that I had a chance to save myself
and to save perhaps one of the three. You see, Soledad is not a
bad woman at all; she’s simply doing what an impeccable war-
rior would do. The little sisters like her more than they like
their own mothers. She’s a real mother to them. That was, the
Nagual said, the point of her advantage. I haven’t been able to
pull the little sisters away from her, no matter what I do. So if
she had killed you, she would then have taken at least two of
those three trusting souls. Then without you in the picture
Pablito is nothing. Soledad would have squashed him like a
bug. And then with all her completeness and power she would
have entered into that world out there. If I had been in her
place I would’ve tried to do exactly as she did.
So you see, it was all or nothing for her. When you first
arrived everyone was gone. It looked as if it was the end for
you and for some of us. But then at the end it was nothing for
her and a chance for the sisters. The moment I knew that you
had succeeded I told the three girls that now it was their turn.
The Nagual had said that they should wait until the morning
to catch you unawares. He said that the morning was not a
good time for you. He commanded me to stay away and not
interfere with the sisters and to come in only if you would try
to injure their luminosity.
Were they supposed to kill me too?
Well, yes. You are the male side of their luminosity. Their
completeness is at times their disadvantage. The Nagual ruled
them with an iron hand and balanced them, but now that he’s
gone they have no way of leveling off. Your luminosity could
do that for them.
How about you, Gorda? Are you supposed to finish me off
too?
I’ve told you already that I’m different. I am balanced. My
emptiness, which was my disadvantage, is now my advantage.
Once a sorcerer regains his completeness he’s balanced, while
a sorcerer who was always complete is a bit off. Like Genaro
was a bit off. But the Nagual was balanced because he had
been incomplete, like you and me, even more so than you and
me. He had three sons and one daughter.
The little sisters are like Genaro, a bit off. And most of the
times so taut that they have no measure.
How about me, Gorda? Do I also have to go after them?
No. Only they could have profited by sucking away your
luminosity. You can’t profit at all by anyone’s death. The
Nagual left a special power with you, a balance of some kind,
which none of us has.
Can’t they learn to have that balance?
Sure they can. But that has nothing to do with the task the
little sisters had to perform. Their task was to steal your
power. For that, they became so united that they are now
one single being. They trained themselves to sip you up like
a glass of soda. The Nagual set them up to be deceivers of the
highest order, especially Josefina. She put on a show that was
peerless. Compared to their art, Soledad’s attempt was child’s
play. She’s a crude woman. The little sisters are true sorcer-
esses. Two of them gained your confidence, while the third
shocked you and rendered you helpless. They played their
cards to perfection. You fell for it all and nearly succumbed.
The only flaw was that you injured and cured Rosa’s lumi-
nosity the night before and that made her jumpy. Had it not
been for her nervousness and her biting your side so hard,
chances are you wouldn’t be here now. I saw everything from
the door. I came in at the precise moment you were about to
annihilate them.
But what could I do to annihilate them?
How could I know that? I’m not you.
I mean what did you see me doing?
I saw your double coming out of you.
What did it look like?
It looked like you, what else? But it was very big and
menacing. Your double would have killed them. So I came in
and interfered with it. It took the best of my power to calm
you down. The sisters were no help. They were lost. And you
were furious and violent. You changed colors right in front
of us twice. One color was so violent that I feared you would
kill me too.
What color was it, Gorda?
White, what else? The double is white, yellowish white,
like the sun.
I stared at her. The smile was very new to me.
Yes, she continued, we are pieces of the sun. That is
why we are luminous beings. But our eyes can’t see that lu-
minosity because it is very faint. Only the eyes of a sorcerer
can see it, and that happens after a lifetime struggle.
Her revelation had taken me by total surprise. I tried to
reorganize my thoughts in order to ask the most appropriate
question.
Did the Nagual ever tell you anything about the sun? I
asked.
Yes. We are all like the sun but very, very faint. Our light
is too weak, but it is light anyway.
But, did he say that the sun was perhaps the nagual? I
insisted desperately.
La Gorda did not answer. She made a series of involuntary
noises with her lips. She was apparently thinking how to an-
swer my probe. I waited, ready to write it down. After a long
pause she crawled out of the cave.
I’ll show you my faint light, she said matter-of-factly.
She walked to the center of the narrow gully in front of
the cave and squatted. From where I was I could not see what
she was doing so I had to get out of the cave myself. I stood