the jump. He could not hold still and interrupted me. Pablito
intervened to bring him to order and they became involved in
an argument. Pablito squeezed himself out of it by walking
half seated around the table, holding onto his chair.
Nestor doesn’t see beyond his nose, he said to me.
Benigno is the same. You’ll get nothing from them. At least
you got my sympathy.
Pablito cackled, making his shoulders shiver, and hid his
face with Benigno’s hat.
As far as I’m concerned, you two jumped, Nestor said to
me in a sudden outburst. Genaro and the Nagual had left you
with no other choice. That was their art, to corral you and
then lead you to the only gate that was open. And so you two
went over the edge. That was what I witnessed. Pablito says
that he didn’t feel a thing; that is questionable. I know that he
was perfectly aware of everything, but he chooses to feel and
say that he wasn’t.
I really wasn’t aware, Pablito said to me in an apologetic
tone.
Perhaps, Nestor said dryly. But I was aware myself, and
I saw your bodies doing what they had to do, jump.
Nestor’s assertions put me in a strange frame of mind. All
along I had been seeking validation for what I had perceived
myself. But once I had it, I realized that it made no difference.
To know that I had jumped and to be afraid of what I had
perceived was one thing; to seek consensual validation was
another. I knew then that one had no necessary correlation
with the other. I had thought all along that to have someone
else corroborate that I had taken that plunge would absolve
my intellect of its doubts and fears. I was wrong. I became
instead more worried, more involved with the issue.
I began to tell Nestor that although I had come to see the
two of them for the specific purpose of having them confirm
that I had jumped, I had changed my mind and I really did not
want to talk about it anymore. Both of them started talking at
once, and at that point we fell into a three-way argument.
Pablito maintained that he had not been aware, Nestor shouted
that Pablito was indulging and I said that I didn’t want to hear
anything more about the jump.
It was blatantly obvious to me for the first time that none of
us had calmness and self-control. None of us Was willing to
give the other person our undivided attention, the way don
Juan and don Genaro did. Since I was incapable of maintain-
ing any order in our exchange of opinions, I immersed myself
in my own deliberations. I had always thought that the only
flaw that had prevented me from entering fully into don
Juan’s world was my insistence on rationalizing everything,
but the presence of Pablito and Nestor had given me a new
insight into myself. Another flaw of mine was my timidity.
Once I strayed outside the safe railings of common sense, I
could not trust myself and became intimidated by the awe-
someness of what unfolded in front of me. Thus, I found it
was impossible to believe that I had jumped into an abyss.
Don Juan had insisted that the whole issue of sorcery was
perception, and truthful to that, he and don Genaro staged,
for our last meeting, an immense, cathartic drama on the flat
mountaintop. After they made me voice my thanks in loud
clear words to everyone who had ever helped me, I became
transfixed with elation. At that point they had caught all my
attention and led my body to perceive the only possible act
within their frame of references: the jump into the abyss.
That jump was the practical accomplishment of my percep-
tion, not as an average man but as a sorcerer.
I had been so absorbed in writing down my thoughts I had
not noticed that Nestor and Pablito had stopped talking and
all three of them were looking at me. I explained to them that
there was no way for me to understand what had taken place
with that jump.
There’s nothing to understand, Nestor said. Things just
happen and no one can tell how. Ask Benigno if he wants to
understand.
Do you want to understand? I asked Benigno as a joke.
You bet I do! he exclaimed in a deep bass voice, making
everyone laugh.
You indulge in saying that you want to understand,
Nestor went on. Just like Pablito indulges in saying that he
doesn’t remember anything.
He looked at Pablito and winked at me. Pablito lowered his
head.
Nestor asked me if I had noticed something about Pablito’s
mood when we were about to take our plunge. I had to admit
that I had been in no position to notice anything so subtle as
Pablito’s mood.
A warrior must notice everything, he said. That’s his
trick, and as the Nagual said, there lies his advantage.
He smiled and made a deliberate gesture of embarrassment,
hiding his face with his hat.
What was it that I missed about Pablito’s mood? I asked
him.
Pablito had already jumped before he went over, he said.
He didn’t have to do anything. He may as well have sat
down on the edge instead of jumping.
What do you mean by that? I asked.
Pablito was already disintegrating, he replied. That’s
why he thinks he passed out. Pablito lies. He’s hiding some-
thing.
Pablito began to speak to me. He muttered some unintelligi-
ble words, then gave up and slumped back in his chair. Nestor
also started to say something. I made him stop. I was not sure
I had understood him correctly.
Was Pablito’s body distegrating? I asked.
He peered at me for a long time without saying a word. He
was sitting to my right. He moved quietly to the bench op-
posite me.
You must take what I say seriously, he said. There is no
way to turn back the wheel of time to what we were before
that jump. The Nagual said that it is an honor and a pleasure
to be a warrior, and that it is the warrior’s fortune to do what
he has to do. I have to tell you impeccably what I have wit-
nessed. Pablito was disintegrating. As you two ran toward the
edge only you were solid. Pablito was like a cloud. He thinks
that he was about to fall on his face, and you think that you
held him by the arm to help him make it to the edge. Neither
of you is correct, and I wouldn’t doubt that it would have
been better for both of you if you hadn’t picked Pablito up.
I felt more confused than ever. I truly believed that he was
sincere in reporting what he had perceived, but I remembered
that I had only held Pablito’s arm.
What would have happened if I hadn’t interfered? I
asked.
I can’t answer that, Nestor replied. But I know that you
affected each other’s luminosity. At the moment you put your
arm around him, Pablito became more solid, but you wasted
your precious power for nothing.
What did you do after we jumped? I asked Nestor after
a long silence.
Right after you two had disappeared, he said, my nerves
were so shattered that I couldn’t breathe and I too passed out,
I don’t know for how long. I thought it was only for a
moment. When I came to my senses again, I looked around for
Genaro and Nagual; they were gone. I ran back and forth on
the top of that mountain, calling them until my voice was
hoarse. Then I knew I was alone. I walked to the edge of the
cliff and tried to look for the sign that the earth gives when a
warrior is not going to return, but I had already missed it. I
knew then that Genaro and the Nagual were gone forever.
I had not realized until then that they had turned to me after
they had said good-bye to you two, and as you were running
to the edge they waved their hands and said good-bye to me.
Finding myself alone at that time of day, on that deserted
spot, was more than I could bear. In one sweep I had lost all
the friends I had in the world. I sat down and wept. And as I
got more and more scared I began to scream as loud as I could.
I called Genaro’s name at the top of my voice. By then it was
pitch-black. I could no longer distinguish any landmarks. I
knew that as a warrior I had no business indulging in my grief.
In order to calm myself down I began to howl like a coyote,
the way the Nagual had taught me. After howling for a while