Myth-Ing Persons By Robert L Asprin

” ‘End of argument’ nothing! Just how do you propose to leave me behind if I don’t agree?”

“That’s easy,” Aahz grinned. “See who’s standing in the corner?”

I turned to look where he was pointing, and that’s the last thing I remembered for a long time.

Chapter Three:

“Reliable information is a must for successful planning.”

-C. COLUMBUS

“HEY! Hot stuff! Wake up!! You okay?”

If I led a different kind of life, those words would have been uttered by a voluptuous vision of female loveliness. As it was, they were exclaimed by Massha.

This was one of the first things that penetrated the fogginess of my mind as I struggled to regain consciousness. I’m never at my best first thing in the morning, even when I wake up leisurely of my own accord. Having wakefulness forced upon me by someone else only guarantees that my mood will be less than pleasant.

However groggy I might be feeling, though, there was no mistaking the fact that it was Massha shaking me awake. Even through unfocused eyes, her form was unmistakable. Imagine, if you will, the largest, fattest woman you’ve ever met. Now expand that image by fifty percent in all directions, top it off with garish orange hair, and false eyelashes and purple lipstick, and adorn it with a wheelbarrow load of gaudy jewelry. See what I mean? I could recognize Massha a mile away on a dark night… blindfolded.

“Of course I’m okay, apprentice’.” I snarled. “Don’t you have any lessons you’re supposed to be practicing or something?”

“Are you sure? she pressed mercilessly.