The American Claimant by Mark Twain

himself to accept without resentment the common herd’s frank fashion of

dropping sociably into other people’s conversations unembarrassed and

uninvited. The process was, not very difficult this time, for the man’s

smile and voice and manner were persuasive and winning. Tracy would even

have liked him on the spot, but for the fact–fact which he was not

really aware of–that the equality of men was not yet a reality to him,

it was only a theory; the mind perceived, but the man failed to feel it.

It was Hattie’s ghost over again, merely turned around. Theoretically

Barrow was his equal, but it was distinctly distasteful to see him

exhibit it. He presently said:

“I hope in all sincerity that what you have said is true, as regards the

Americans, for doubts have crept into my mind several times. It seemed

that the equality must be ungenuine where the sign-names of castes were

still in vogue; but those sign-names have certainly lost their offence

and are wholly neutralized, nullified and harmless if they are the

undisputed property of every individual in the nation. I think I realize

that caste does not exist and cannot exist except by common consent of

the masses outside of its limits. I thought caste created itself and

perpetuated itself; but it seems quite true that it only creates itself,

and is perpetuated by the people whom it despises, and who can dissolve

it at any time by assuming its mere sign-names themselves.”

“It’s what I think. There isn’t any power on earth that can prevent

England’s thirty millions from electing themselves dukes and duchesses

to-morrow and calling themselves so. And within six months all the

former dukes and duchesses would have retired from the business.

I wish they’d try that. Royalty itself couldn’t survive such a process.

A handful of frowners against thirty million laughers in a state of

irruption: Why, it’s Herculaneum against Vesuvius; it would take another

eighteen centuries to find that Herculaneum after the cataclysm. What’s

a Colonel in our South? He’s a nobody; because they’re all colonels down

there. No, Tracy” (shudder from Tracy) “nobody in England would call you

a gentleman and you wouldn’t call yourself one; and I tell you it’s a

state of things that makes a man put himself into most unbecoming

attitudes sometimes–the broad and general recognition and acceptance of

caste as caste does, I mean. Makes him do it unconsciously–being bred

in him, you see, and never thought over and reasoned out. You couldn’t

conceive of the Matterhorn being flattered by the notice of one of your

comely little English hills, could you?”

“Why, no.”

“Well, then, let a man in his right mind try to conceive of Darwin

feeling flattered by the notice of a princess. It’s so grotesque that

it–well, it paralyzes the imagination. Yet that Memnon was flattered by

the notice of that statuette; he says so-says so himself. The system

that can make a god disown his godship and profane it–oh, well, it’s all

wrong, it’s all wrong and ought to be abolished, I should say.”

The mention of Darwin brought on a literary discussion, and this topic

roused such enthusiasm in Barrow that he took off his coat and made

himself the more free and comfortable for it, and detained him so long

that he was still at it when the noisy proprietors of the room came

shouting and skylarking in and began to romp, scuffle, wash, and

otherwise entertain themselves. He lingered yet a little longer to offer

the hospitalities of his room and his book shelf to Tracy and ask him a

personal question or two:

“What is your trade?”

“They–well, they call me a cowboy, but that is a fancy. I’m not that.

I haven’t any trade.”

“What do you work at for your living?”

Oh, anything–I mean I would work at, anything I could get to do, but

thus far I haven’t been able to find an occupation.”

“Maybe I can help you; I’d like to try.”

“I shall be very glad. I’ve tried, myself, to weariness.”

“Well, of course where a man hasn’t a regular trade he’s pretty bad off

in this world. What you needed, I reckon, was less book learning and

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