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The American Claimant by Mark Twain

the following entry:

BUT IN ONE THING I HAVE MADE AN IMMENSE MISTAKE, I OUGHT TO

HAVE SHUCKED MY TITLE AND CHANGED MY NAME BEFORE I STARTED.

He sat admiring that pen a while, and then went on:

“All attempts to mingle with the common people and became permanently one

of them are going to fail, unless I can get rid of it, disappear from it,

and re-appear with the solid protection of a new name. I am astonished

and pained to see how eager the most of these Americans are to get

acquainted with a lord, and how diligent they are in pushing attentions

upon him. They lack English servility, it is true–but they could

acquire it, with practice. My quality travels ahead of me in the most

mysterious way. I write my family name without additions, on the

register of this hotel, and imagine that I am going to pass for an

obscure and unknown wanderer, but the clerk promptly calls out, ‘Front!

show his lordship to four-eighty-two!’ and before I can get to the lift

there is a reporter trying to interview me as they call it. This sort of

thing shall cease at once. I will hunt up the American Claimant the

first thing in the morning, accomplish my mission, then change my lodging

and vanish from scrutiny under a fictitious name.”

He left his diary on the table, where it would be handy in case any new

“impressions” should wake him up in the night, then he went to bed and

presently fell asleep. An hour or two passed, and then he came slowly to

consciousness with a confusion of mysterious and augmenting sounds

hammering at the gates of his brain for admission; the next moment he was

sharply awake, and those sounds burst with the rush and roar and boom of

an undammed freshet into his ears. Banging and slamming of shutters;

smashing of windows and the ringing clash of falling glass; clatter of

flying feet along the halls; shrieks, supplications, dumb moanings of

despair, within, hoarse shouts of command outside; cracklings and

mappings, and the windy roar of victorious flames!

Bang, bang, bang! on the door, and a cry:

“Turn out-the house is on fire!”

The cry passed on, and the banging. Lord Berkeley sprang out of bed and

moved with all possible speed toward the clothes-press in the darkness

and the gathering smoke, but fell over a chair and lost his bearings.

He groped desperately about on his hands, and presently struck his head

against the table and was deeply grateful, for it gave him his bearings

again, since it stood close by the door. He seized his most precious

possession; his journaled Impressions of America, and darted from the

room.

He ran down the deserted hall toward the red lamp which he knew indicated

the place of a fire-escape. The door of the room beside it was open.

In the room the gas was burning full head; on a chair was a pile of

clothing. He ran to the window, could not get it up, but smashed it with

a chair, and stepped out on the landing of the fire-escape; below him was

a crowd of men, with a sprinkling of women and youth, massed in a ruddy

light. Must he go down in his spectral night dress? No–this side of

the house was not yet on fire except at the further end; he would snatch

on those clothes. Which he did. They fitted well enough, though a

trifle loosely, and they were just a shade loud as to pattern. Also as

to hat–which was of a new breed to him, Buffalo Bill not having been to

England yet. One side of the coat went on, but the other side refused;

one of its sleeves was turned up and stitched to the shoulder. He

started down without waiting to get it loose, made the trip successfully,

and was promptly hustled outside the limit-rope by the police.

The cowboy hat and the coat but half on made him too much of a centre of

attraction for comfort, although nothing could be more profoundly

respectful, not to say deferential, than was the manner of the crowd

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Categories: Twain, Mark
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