For a few moments his head drooped, and his sobs choked his utterance; then he once more rose painfully to his feet. Heedless of Antonina’s entreaties, he again endeavoured to cross the room, only again to find his feeble powers unequal to sustain him. As he fell back panting upon a seat, his eyes assumed a wild, unnatural expression–despair of mind and weakness of body had together partially unhinged his faculties. When his daughter affrightedly approached to soothe and succour him, he impatiently waved her back; and began to speak in a dull, hoarse, monotonous voice, pressing his hand firmly over his brow, and directing his eyes backwards and forwards incessantly, on object after object, in every part of the room.
‘Listen, child, listen!’ he hastily began. ‘I tell you there is no food in the house, and no food in Rome!–we are besieged–they have taken from us our granaries in the suburbs, and our fields on the plains- there is a great famine in the city–those who still eat, eat strange food which men sicken at when it is named. I would seek even this, but I have no strength to go forth into the byways and force it from others at the point of the sword! I am old and feeble, and heart-broken–I shall die first, and leave fatherless my good, kind daughter, whom I sought for so long, and whom I loved as my only child!’
He paused for an instant, not to listen to the words of encouragement and hope which Antonina mechanically addressed to him while he spoke, but to collect his wandering thoughts, to rally his failing strength. His voice acquired a quicker tone, and his features presented a sudden energy and earnestness of expression, as if some new project had flashed across his mind, when, after an interval, he continued thus:-
‘But though my child shall be bereaved of me, though I shall die in the hour when I most longed to live for her, I must not leave her helpless; I will send her among my congregation who have deserted me, but who will repent when they hear that I am dead, and will receive Antonina among them for my sake! Listen to this–listen, listen! You must tell them to remember all that I once revealed to them of my brother, from whom I parted in my boyhood–my brother, whom I have never seen since. He may yet be alive, he may be found–they must search for him; for to you he would be father to the fatherless, and guardian to the unguarded–he may now be in Rome, he may be rich and powerful–he may have food to spare, and shelter that is good against all enemies and strangers! Attend, child, to my words: in these latter days I have thought of him much; I have seen him in dreams as I saw him for the last time in my father’s house; he was happier and more beloved than I was, and in envy and hatred I quitted my parents and parted from him. You have heard nothing of this; but you must hear it now, that when I am dead you may know you have a protector to seek! So I received in anger my brother’s farewell, and fled from my home–(those days were well remembered by me once, but all things grow dull on my memory now). Long years of turmoil and change passed on, and I never met him; and men of many nations were my companions, but he was not among them; then much affliction fell upon me, and I repented and learnt the fear of God, and went back to my father’s house. Since that, years have passed–I know not how many. I could have told them when I spoke of my former life to him–to my friend, when we stood near St. Peter’s, ere the city was besieged, looking on the sunset, and speaking of the early days of our companionship; but now my very remembrance fails me; the famine that threatens us with separation and death casts darkness over my thoughts; yet hear me, hear me patiently–for your sake I must continue!’
‘Not now, father–not now! At another time, on a happier day!’ murmured Antonina, in tremulous, entreating tones.
‘My home, when I arrived to look on it, was gone,’ pursued the old man sadly, neither heeding nor hearing her. ‘Other houses were built where my father’s house had stood; no man could tell me of my parents and my brother; then I returned, and my former companions grew hateful in my eyes; I left them, and they followed me with persecution and scorn.- Listen, listen!–I set forth secretly in the night, with you, to escape them, and to make perfect my reformation where they should not be near to hinder it; and we travelled onward many days until we came to Rome, and I made my abode there. But I feared that my companions whom I abhorred might discover and persecute me again, and in the new city of my dwelling I called myself by another name than the name that I bore; thus I knew that all trace of me would be lost, and that I should be kept secure from men whom I thought on only as enemies now. Go, child! go quickly!–bring your tablets and write down the names that I shall tell you; for so you will discover your protector when I am gone! Say not to him that you are the child of Numerian–he knows not the name; say that you are the daughter of Cleander, his brother, who died longing to be restored to him. Write–write carefully, Cleander!–that was the name my father gave to me; that was the name I bore until I fled from my evil companions and changed it, dreading their pursuit! Cleander! write and remember, Cleander! I have seen in visions that my brother shall be discovered: he will not be discovered to me, but he will be discovered to you! Your tablets–your tablets!–write his name with mine–it is–‘
He stopped abruptly. His mental powers, fluctuating between torpor and animation–shaken, but not overpowered by the trials which had assailed them–suddenly rallied, and resuming somewhat of their accustomed balance, became awakened to a sense of their own aberration. His vague revelations of his past life (which the reader will recognise as resembling his communications on the same subject to the fugitive land owner, previously related) now appeared before him in all their incongruity and uselessness. His countenance fell–he sighed bitterly to himself: ‘My reason begins to desert me!–my judgment, which should guide my child–my resolution, which should uphold her, both fail me! How should my brother, since childhood lost to me, be found by her? Against the famine that threatens us I offer but vain words! Already her strength declines; her face, that I loved to look on grows wan before my eyes! God have mercy upon us!–God have mercy upon us!’
He returned feebly to his couch; his head declined on his bosom; sometimes a low groan burst from his lips, but he spoke no more.
Deep as was the prostration under which he had now fallen, it was yet less painful to Antonina to behold it than to listen to the incoherent revelations which had fallen from his lips but the moment before, and which, in her astonishment and affright, she had dreaded might be the awful indications of the overthrow of her father’s reason. As she again placed herself by his side, she trembled to feel that her own weariness was fast overpowering her; but she still struggled with her rising despair–still strove to think only of capacity for endurance and chances of relief.
The silence in the room was deep and dismal while they now sat together. The faint breezes, at long intervals, drowsily rose and fell as they floated through the open window; the fitful sunbeams alternately appeared and vanished as the clouds rolled upward in airy succession over the face of heaven. Time moved sternly in its destined progress, and Nature varied tranquilly through its appointed limits of change, and still no hopes, no saving projects, nothing but dark recollections and woeful anticipations occupied Antonina’s mind; when, just as her weary head was drooping towards the ground, just as sensation and fortitude and grief itself seemed declining into a dreamless and deadly sleep, a last thought, void of discernible connection or cause, rose suddenly within her–animating, awakening, inspiring. She started up. ‘The garden, father–the garden!’ she cried breathlessly. ‘Remember the food that grows in our garden below! Be comforted, we have provision left yet–God has not deserted us!’
He raised his face while she spoke; his features assumed a deeper mournfulness and hopelessness of expression; he looked upon her in ominous silence, and laid his trembling fingers on her arm to detain her, when she hurriedly attempted to quit the room.
‘Do not forbid me to depart,’ she anxiously pleaded. ‘To me every corner in the garden is known; for it was my possession in our happier days–our last hopes rest in the garden, and I must search through it without delay! Bear with me,’ she added, in low and melancholy tones–‘bear with m e, dear father, in all that I would now do! I have suffered, since we parted, a bitter affliction, which clings dark and heavy to all my thoughts–there is no consolation for me but the privilege of caring for your welfare–my only hope of comfort is in the employment of aiding you!’