Curious Republic of Gondour by Mark Twain

stopped to parley. I found he was only a friendly villain who wanted a

trifle of bucksheesh, and after begging what he could get in that way,

was perfectly willing to trade off everything he had for more. I believe

he would have parted with his last shirt for bucksheesh if he had had

one. He was smoking the “humbliest” pipe I ever saw–a dingy, funnel-

shaped, red-clay thing, streaked and grimed with oil and tears of

tobacco, and with all the different kinds of dirt there are, and thirty

per cent. of them peculiar and indigenous to Endor and perdition. And

rank? I never smelt anything like it. It withered a cactus that stood

lifting its prickly hands aloft beside the trail. It even woke up my

horse. I said I would take that. It cost me a franc, a Russian kopek,

a brass button, and a slate pencil; and my spendthrift lavishness so won

upon the son of the desert that he passed over his pouch of most

unspeakably villainous tobacco to me as a free gift. What a pipe it was,

to be sure! It had a rude brass-wire cover to it, and a little coarse

iron chain suspended from the bowl, with an iron splinter attached to

loosen up the tobacco and pick your teeth with. The stem looked like the

half of a slender walking-stick with the bark on.

I felt that this pipe had belonged to the original Witch of Endor as soon

as I saw it; and as soon as I smelt it, I knew it. Moreover, I asked the

Arab cub in good English if it was not so, and he answered in good Arabic

that it was. I woke up my horse and went my way, smoking. And presently

I said to myself reflectively, “If there is anything that could make a

man deliberately assault a dying cripple, I reckon may be an unexpected

whiff from this pipe would do it.” I smoked along till I found I was

beginning to lie, and project murder, and steal my own things out of one

pocket and hide them in another; and then I put up my treasure, took off

my spurs and put them under my horse’s tail, and shortly came tearing

through our caravan like a hurricane.

From that time forward, going to Jerusalem, the Dead Sea, and the Jordan,

Bethany, Bethlehem, and everywhere, I loafed contentedly in the rear and

enjoyed my infamous pipe and revelled in imaginary villany. But at the

end of two weeks we turned our faces toward the sea and journeyed over

the Judean hills, and through rocky defiles, and among the scenes that

Samson knew in his youth, and by and by we touched level ground just at

night, and trotted off cheerily over the plain of Sharon. It was

perfectly jolly for three hours, and we whites crowded along together,

close after the chief Arab muleteer (all the pack-animals and the other

Arabs were miles in the rear), and we laughed, and chatted, and argued

hotly about Samson, and whether suicide was a sin or not, since Paul

speaks of Samson distinctly as being saved and in heaven. But by and by

the night air, and the duskiness, and the weariness of eight hours in the

saddle, began to tell, and conversation flagged and finally died out

utterly. The squeak-squeaking of the saddles grew very distinct;

occasionally somebody sighed, or started to hum a tune and gave it up;

now and then a horse sneezed. These things only emphasised the solemnity

and the stillness. Everybody got so listless that for once I and my

dreamer found ourselves in the lead. It was a glad, new sensation, and

I longed to keep the place forevermore. Every little stir in the dingy

cavalcade behind made me nervous. Davis and I were riding side by side,

right after the Arab. About 11 o’clock it had become really chilly, and

the dozing boys roused up and began to inquire how far it was to Ramlah

yet, and to demand that the Arab hurry along faster. I gave it up then,

and my heart sank within me, because of course they would come up to

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

Leave a Reply 0

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *