signs of it are perceptible. Behold how the unclean creatures are
wending toward the dead lion and gathering to the feast:
“Reminiscences of Dickens.” A lecture. By John Smith, who heard him
read eight times.
“Remembrances of Charles Dickens.” A lecture. By John Jones, who saw
him once in a street car and twice in a barber shop.
“Recollections of Mr. Dickens.” A lecture. By John Brown, who gained a
wide fame by writing deliriously appreciative critiques and rhapsodies
upon the great author’s public readings; and who shook hands with the
great author upon various occasions, and held converse with him several
times.
“Readings from Dickens.” By John White, who has the great delineator’s
style and manner perfectly, having attended all his readings in this
country and made these things a study, always practising each reading
before retiring, and while it was hot from the great delineator’s lips.
Upon this occasion Mr. W. will exhibit the remains of a cigar which he
saw Mr. Dickens smoke. This Relic is kept in a solid silver box made
purposely for it.
“Sights and Sounds of the Great Novelist.” A popular lecture. By John
Gray, who ,waited on his table all the time he was at the Grand Hotel,
New York, and still has in his possession and will exhibit to the
audience a fragment of the Last Piece of Bread which the lamented author
tasted in this country.
“Heart Treasures of Precious Moments with Literature’s Departed Monarch.”
A lecture. By Miss Serena Amelia Tryphenia McSpadden, who still wears,
and will always wear, a glove upon the hand made sacred by the clasp of
Dickens. Only Death shall remove it.
“Readings from Dickens.” By Mrs. J. O’Hooligan Murphy, who washed for
him.
“Familiar Talks with the Great Author.” A narrative lecture. By John
Thomas, for two weeks his valet in America.
And so forth, and so on. This isn’t half the list. The man who has a
“Toothpick once used by Charles Dickens” will have to have a hearing; and
the man who “once rode in an omnibus with Charles Dickens;” and the lady
to whom Charles Dickens “granted the hospitalities of his umbrella during
a storm;” and the person who “possesses a hole which once belonged in a
handkerchief owned by Charles Dickens.” Be patient and long-suffering,
good people, for even this does not fill up the measure of what you must
endure next winter. There is no creature in all this land who has had
any personal relations with the late Mr. Dickens, however slight or
trivial, but will shoulder his way to the rostrum and inflict his
testimony upon his helpless countrymen. To some people it is fatal to be
noticed by greatness.
THE TONE-IMPARTING COMMITTEE
I get old and ponderously respectable, only one thing will be able to
make me truly happy, and that will be to be put on the Venerable Tone-
Imparting committee of the city of New York, and have nothing to do but
sit on the platform, solemn and imposing, along with Peter Cooper, Horace
Greeley, etc., etc., and shed momentary fame at second hand on obscure
lecturers, draw public attention to lectures which would otherwise clack
eloquently to sounding emptiness, and subdue audiences into respectful
hearing of all sorts of unpopular and outlandish dogmas and isms. That
is what I desire for the cheer and gratification of my gray hairs. Let
me but sit up there with those fine relics of the Old Red Sandstone
Period and give Tone to an intellectual entertainment twice a week, and
be so reported, and my happiness will be complete. Those men have been
my envy for long, long time. And no memories of my life are so pleasant
as my reminiscence of their long and honorable career in the Tone-
imparting service. I can recollect that first time I ever saw them on
the platforms just as well as I can remember the events of yesterday.
Horace Greeley sat on the right, Peter Cooper on the left, and Thomas
Jefferson, Red Jacket, Benjamin Franklin, and John Hancock sat between
them. This was on the 22d of December, 1799, on the occasion of the
state’ funeral of George Washington in New York. It was a great day,