Heinlein, Robert A – Expanded Universe

It stands to reason that very few applicants need “Bonehead English.” Yes?

No!

I have just checked. The new class at UCSC is “about 50%” in Bonehead

English-and this is normal-normal right across California-and California is no worse

than most of the states.

8% off the top- Half of this elite 8% must take “Bonehead English.”

The prosecution rests.

This scandal must be charged to grammar and high school teachers . . . many

of whom are not themselves literate (I know!)-but are not personally to blame, as we

are now in the second generation of illiteracy. The blind lead the blind.

But what happens after this child (sorry-young adult citizen) enters UCSC?

I TELL YOU THREE TIMES I TELL YOU THREE TIMES I TELL YOU THREE TIMES: A

student who wants an education can get one at UCSC in a number of very difficult

subjects, plus a broad general education.

I ask you never to forget this while we see how one can slide through, never

do any real work, never learn anything solid, and still receive a bachelor of arts

degree from the prestigious University of California. Although I offer examples from

the campus I know best, I assume conclusively that this can be done throughout the

state, as it is one statewide university operating under one set of rules.

Some guidelines apply to any campus: Don’t pick a medical school or an

engineering school. Don’t pick a natural science that requires difficult

mathematics. (A subject called “science” that does not require difficult mathematics

usually is “science” in the sense that “Christian Science” is science-in its widest

sense “science” simply means “knowledge” and anyone may use the word for any

subject. . . but shun the subjects that can’t be understood without mind-stretching

math.)

Try to get a stupid but good-natured adviser. There are plenty around,

especially in subjects in which to get a no-sweat degree; Sturgeon’s Law applies to

professors as well as to other categories.

For a bachelor’s degree:

1) You must spend the equivalent of one academic year in acquiring

“breadth”-but wait till you see the goodies!

2) You must take the equivalent of one full academic year in your major

subject in upperdivision courses, plus prerequisite lower division courses. Your

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4-year program you must rationalize to your adviser as making sense for your major

(“Doctor, I picked that course because it is so far from my major-for perspective. I

was getting too narrow.” He’ll beam approvingly.. or you had better look for a

stupider adviser).

3) Quite a lot of time will be spent off campus but counted toward your

degree. This should be fun, but it can range from hard labor at sea, to counting

noses and asking snoopy questions of “ethnics” (excuse, please!), to time in Europe

or Hong Kong, et al., where you are in danger of learning something new and useful

even if you don’t try.

4) You will be encouraged to take interdisciplinary majors and are invited

(urged) to invent and justify unheard-of new lines of study. For this you need the

talent of a used-car salesman as any aggregation of courses can be sold as a logical

pattern if your “new” subject considers the many complex relationships between three

or four or more old and orthodox fields. Careful here! If you are smart enough to

put this over, you may find yourself not only earning a baccalaureate but in fact

doing original work worthy of a Ph.D. (You won’t get it.)

5) You must have at least one upper-division seminar. Pick one in which the

staff leader likes your body odor and you like his. (“I do not like thee, Dr. Fell;

the reason why I cannot tell-“) But you’ve at least two years in which to learn

which professors in your subject are simpatico, and which ones to avoid at any cost.

6) You must write a 10,000 word thesis on your chosen nonsubject and may

have to defend it orally. If you can’t write 10,000 words of bull on a bull subject,

you’ve made a mistake-you may have to work for a living.

The rules above allow plenty of elbowroom; at least three out of four