Heinlein, Robert A – Expanded Universe

around the edges is a big area of the fatal burn and the slow death, with plenty of

time to reconsider the disadvantages of chuckleheadness

in the Atomic Age, before your flesh sloughs off and you give up the ghost. No,

thank you, I plan to disperse myself to the country.

Of course, if you are so soft that you like innerspring mattresses and clean

water and regular meals, despite the numerous advantages of blowing us off the map,

but are not too soft to try to do something to avoid the coming debacle, there is

something you can do about it, other than forming Survival Leagues or cultivating an

attitude of philosophical resignation.

If you really want to hang on to the advantages of our slightly wacky

pseudo-civilization, there is just one way to do it, according to the scientists who

know the most about the new techniques of war-and that is to form a sovereign world

authority to prevent the Atomic War.

Run, do not walk, to the nearest Western Union, and telegraph your

congressman to get off the dime and get on with the difficult business of forming an

honestto-goodness world union, with no jokers about Big Five vetoes or national

armaments.. . to get on with it promptly, while there is still time, before

Washington, D.C., is reduced to radioactive dust-and he with it, poor devil!

FOREWORD

While I was failing at World-Saving, I was beginning to achieve my second

objective: to spread out, not limit myself to pulp science fiction. THEY DO IT WITH

MIRRORS was my first attempt in the crime-mystery field, and from it I learned three

things: a) whodunn its are fairly easy to write and easy to sell; b) I was no threat

to Raymond Chandler or Rex Stout as the genre didn’t interest me that much; and c)

Crime Does Not Pay- Enough (the motto of the Mystery Writers of America).

It may amuse you to know that this story was considered to be (in 1945) too

risque; the magazine editor laundered it before publication. You are seeing the

original “dirty” version; try to find in it anything at all that could bring a blush

to the cheek of your maiden aunt.

In late 1945 this magic mirror existed in a bar at (as I recall) the corner

of Hollywood and Gower Gulch; the rest is fiction.

“Anything you get free costs more than

worth-but you don’t find it out until later.”

-Bernardo de la Paz

–

THEY DO IT WITH MIRRORS

An Edison Hill Crime Case

Page 76

I was there to see beautiful naked women. So was everybody else. It’s a

common failing.

I climbed on a stool at the end of the bar in Jack Joy’s Joint and spoke to

Jack himself, who was busy setting up two old-fashioneds. “Make it three,” I said.

“No, make it four and have one with me. What’s the pitch, Jack? I hear you set up a

peep show for the suckers.”

“Hi, Ed. Nope, it’s not a peep show-it’s Art.”

“What’s the difference?”

“If they hold still, it’s Art. If they wiggle around, it’s illegal. That’s

the ruling. Here.” He handed me a program.

It read:

THE JOY CLUB

PRESENTS

The Magic Mirror

Beautiful Models in a series of Entertaining

and Artistic Pageants

10 p.m. “Aphrodite” Estelle

11 p.m. “Sacrifice to the Sun” Estelle and Hazel

12 p.m. “The High Priestess” Hazel

1 a.m. “The Altar Victim” Estelle

2 a.m. “Invocation to Pan” Estelle and Hazel

(Guests are requested to refrain stomping, whistling, or otherwise disturbing the

artistic serenity of the presentations)

The last was a giggle. Jack’s place was strictly a joint. But on the other

side of the program I saw a new schedule of prices which informed me that the drink

in my hand was going to cost me just twice what I had figured. And the place was

jammed. By suckers-including me.

I was about to speak to Jack, in a kindly way, promising to keep my eyes

closed during the show and then pay the old price for my drink, when I heard two

sharp beeps!-a high tension buzzer sound, like radio code- from a spot back of the