Hit or Myth by Robert Asprin

Needing all the help I could get, I had Badaxe send one of his men for Big Julie. With minimal difficultywe smuggled him into the palace, and the three of us held a war council. On Badaxe’s advice, I immediately dropped my disguise and brought our guest up to date on the situation.

“Ah’m sorry,” Julie said to open the meeting, “but I don’t see where I can help you, know what I mean?”

Terrific. So much for Big Julie’s expert military advice.

“I’d like to help,” he clarified. “You’ve done pretty good by me and the boys. But I used to work for the Mob, you know? I know what they’re like. Once they get on your trail, they never quit. I tried to tell you that before.”

“I don’t see what the problem is,” General Badaxe rumbled. “There are only three of them, and their main spokesman’s a non-combatant to boot. It wouldn’t take much to make sure they didn’t report anything to anybody . . . ever again.”

Big Julie shook his head.

“You’re a good man, Hugh, but you don’t know what you’re dealing with here. If the Mob’s scouting party disappears, the Big Boys will know they’ve hit paydirt and set things in motion. Taking out their reps won’t stop the Mob … it won’t even delay them. If anything, it will speed the process up!”

Before Badaxe had a chance to reply, I interrupted with a few questions of my own.

“Wait a minute. Big Julie. When we first met, you were commanding the biggest army this world had ever seen. Right?”

“That’s right,” he nodded. “We was rolling along pretty good until we met you.”