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Hit or Myth by Robert Asprin

“This is not intended as a ‘one-sided’ gift, for just as Queen Hemlock must now protect the health and well being of her king, so must King Rodrick defend his queen against all dangers … all dangers.”

The King was on his feet now, eyes flashing.

“What is that supposed to mean, Lord Magician?”

As adept as I was at becoming at courtly speech, there were things which I felt were best said in the vernacular.

“It means if you or anybody else kills her, say, on your orders, then, you’re dead. Now SIT DOWN AND LISTEN!!”

All the anger and frustration I had felt since figuring out the King was trying to double-cross me, but had been too busy to express, found its vent in that outburst. It worked. The King sank back into his chair, pale and slightly shaken.

I wasn’t done, though. I had been through a lot, and a few words weren’t enough to settle my mind.

“Since 1 accepted this assignment, I’ve heard nothing but how ruthless and ambitious Queen Hemlock is. Well, that may be true, BUT SHE ISN’T GETTING ANY PRIZE EITHER! Right now. King Rodrick, I have more respect for her than I have for you. She didn’t abandon her kingdom in the middle of a crisis.”

I began to pace back and forth before the thrones as I warmed to my topic.

“Everybody talks about ‘our duty to the throne.’ It’s the guiding directive in the walk-a-day life of commoners. What never gets mentioned is ‘the throne’s duty to the people.'”

I paused and pointed directly at the King.

“I sat in that chair for a while. It’s a lot of fun, deciding people’s lives for them. Power is heady, and the fringe bepefits are great! All that bowing and scraping, not to mention one heck of a wardrobe. Still, it’s a job like any other, and with any job you sometimes have to do things you don’t like. Badaxe doesn’t just parade and review his troops, he has to train them and lead them into battle . . . you know, as in ‘I could get killed out here’ battle. Grimble spends ungodly hours poring over those numbers of his for the privilege of standing at your side.

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Categories: Asprin, Robert
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