Hit or Myth by Robert Asprin

She dove into her wardrobe and emerged with a length of purple ribbon.

“Wear this in full view whenever you’re outside your chambers,” she instructed, thrusting it into my hands. “It’ll let my men know that you’re the man I want to marry instead of their target.”

I stood with the ribbon in my hand.

“Aren’t you making a rather large assumption, your Majesty?”

“What’s that?” she frowned.

“That I may not want to marry you?”

“Of course you do,” she smiled. “You’ve already got the throne of Possiltum. If you marry me, you not only have access to my treasury, it also rids you of your other problem.”

“My other problem?”

“The Mob, silly. Remember? I rode in with their representative. With my money, you can buy them off. They’ll forget anything if the price is high enough. Now, isn’t being my husband better than running from their vengeance and mine for the rest of your life?”

I had my answer to that, but in a flash of wisdom kept it to myself. Instead, I said my goodbyes and left.

“From your expression, I take it that your interview with the Queen was less than a roaring success,” Badaxe said dryly.

“Spare me the ‘I told you so’s,’ General,” I snarled. “We’ve got work to do.”

Shooting a quick glance up and down the corridor, I cut my purple ribbon in half on the edge of his axe.

“Keep a lookout for Massha and the King,” I instructed. “If you see them, be sure Rodrick wears this. It’ll make his trip through the palace a lot easier.”

“But where are you going?”

I gave him a tight smile.

“To see the Mob representatives. Queen Hemlock has graciously told me how to deal with them!”