“Shit!” Trader swore like a pirate, yanking hard. “Damnation seize my soul!”
The harder he tugged, the deeper the zipper sunk in its teeth. Now he was in a bind, all right, because the zipper was stuck exactly midway, and the more he fought with the zipper, the more his bladder wanted to surrender. He clamped a hand between his legs while he danced and stumbled about, cursing the zipper and trying to rip its metal teeth apart.
Cruz lurked in deep shadows behind the Dumpster, peering out and watching all this in amazement. He had never seen such a display, and what the hell was the language flying out of that fat man’s mouth, and why was he hopping on one foot and then the other and holding his privates? In the incomplete light it seemed he was yanking himself up by the crotch, as if trying to break free of gravity and take flight. Now he was panting and cursing like a pirate, and his hopping and jumping were getting more vigorous, and propelling him around the Dumpster in Cruz’s direction.
Cruz set the package on the ground and stepped around to the front of the Dumpster just as the wild man hopped around to the back of it. Then Cruz made a run for it. He jumped into his car, cranked the engine, and sped off as Trader grabbed himself and hopped, his urgency becoming unbearable. The zipper had gone from being stubborn to having lockjaw. Those metal teeth weren’t going to let go and were clamped with such violence that the zipper felt hot to the touch.
Trader yanked on the zipper and moaned in excruciating discomfort, feeling as if someone had attached a bicycle pump to his bladder and was seeing how many pounds of pressure could be squeezed in before it blew up and went flat with relief and shame. Pirates did not pee on themselves, not even as infants. It was one thing to pee on property and others, but you did not soil yourself, not even if you were in the middle of raiding a ship or torching a crab plantation. Trader was out of breath and exhausted from hopping when he happened to notice a package on the ground and sat on it with his legs tightly crossed.
“Goddamn it,” he muttered repeatedly as the back door of Freckles opened, casting Trader in a stripe of light and making him squint.
Hooter Shook had just ended her shift at the toll-booth and had dropped by Freckles for a little male company and refreshment. She had been having such a good time with that big Trooper Macovich that her head had begun to spin, and then, unfortunately, they had gotten into a disagreement.
“Don’t believe in getting married,” Macovich told her as he threw back his fourth beer.” ‘Cause I don’t want no bunch of kids jumping on me the minute I walk in the door and then all my money going out the window. I been saving for a Corvette.”
“Whaaaat?” Hooter was a bit looped herself, and beer and her basic disposition weren’t a good mix. “You just like all the rest,” she accused him as she clacked her amazingly long acrylic nails on the Formica tabletop. “Uh huh. I work my ass off and come home to you and you just be out there polishing that ‘Vette a yours while the babies are in the house squalling with dirty diapers and nothing to eat. Then you expect sex from me while you drinking beer and you don’t even ask me about my day!”
“Wooo! You skipping to the end of the movie, babe. We ain’t even held hands yet and already we’s married with babies. Why don’t we just drink beer and chill, you know?”
She clacked her nails so loudly and erratically that they sounded like ice skates in a hockey game.
“I never did understand why you women got to have these nails three inches long,” he confessed. “How you even pick up a penny or a postage stamp?”
“I don’t pick up no pennies without gloves,” she said indignantly. “You know how I feel about dirt and things unsanitarian!”