Dr. Faux was handed the old black phone, and after calling directory assistance and going through a series of transfers, he got Superintendent Judy Hammer on the line and prayed she wouldn’t think to run a record check on him.
“Who is this?” Hammer asked, and she could hear angry murmuring in the background.
“I’m a dentist from the mainland,” a voice replied. “I take care of Tangier Island and am here now and in a passel of trouble because your trooper painted stripes on Janders Road and the governor is taking over the island so he can turn it into a racetrack.”
“What in the world are you talking about?” Hammer asked, and she almost hung up on the so-called dentist, who clearly was a whacko, but then decided that maybe she ought to hear him out. “The stripes are a speed trap and part of the governor’s new VASCAR program.”
“If you don’t remove the stripes immediately and sign an agreement that prohibits the state police, coast guard, and others from ever molesting the Islanders again, they’re going to keep me as a prisoner against my will!”
“Who is this?” Hammer asked again, taking notes at her desk.
“I’m forbidden from giving you my name,” the voice said.
“Down with Virginia!” someone with a strange accent cried out in the background.
“Neither body here voted for the-gov’ner, as I recollect it.”
“We ain’t done nothing but fish our floats and make an honest living, and what we come home to? Stripes on the street and him, the dentist, pulling out ever one of our teeth!”
“I haven’t pulled out every one of your teeth!” the dentist objected with his hand over the phone, but Hammer heard him and everybody else anyway.
“All right,” Hammer said in an authoritative voice. “Just what exactly do you want us to do? I’m confused.”
Her question was followed by silence on the line.
“Hello?” she asked.
“We’re all wore out with being interfered,” she heard someone say. “Talk at her and say to pass at the gov’ner that we was having a right good time of it before his meddling, and what we want is our own independence from Virginia!”
“Yass!”
“That’s right! Neither more revenuers or police coming on the island! We’ll take our own independence!”
“Neither more money going to tax! Neither a penny!”
“And no more telling us to hold down our catch!”
“Yass!”
“Well, you heard them,” the dentist said to Hammer. “No more fishing restrictions, state taxes, policing, or interference. Tangier Island wants to secede from Virginia, and,” he added, lowering his voice in a conspiratorial way, “the ransom for my release is fifty thousand dollars in unmarked bills that you are to express mail to P.O. box three-sixteen in Reedville. Please meet these demands immediately. I’m a hostage in the medical clinic and have already been beaten and am bleeding and my life is in danger!”
Before Hammer could respond to what she interpreted as madness and blatant extortion, the dentist hung up on her. She tried to find Andy to no avail and left him a voice mail explaining what had happened.
“Your mummy essay has caused considerable damage,” she added at the end of her recorded message, “although I can’t say as fact that anyone on the island read it. But you certainly have set the stage for making people believe that Tangier Island is being persecuted by Virginia and you’d better do something to set the record straight, Andy. Call me.”
Andy did not get the message until late that night because after he and Macovich had flown back to Richmond, Andy had quickly thrown together a secret mission that had required a disguise and a borrowed civilian helicopter. He had spent the rest of the day on Tangier Island, gathering information, and when he finally got home, it was close to midnight. He played his voice mail and returned Hammer’s call, waking her up.
“My God,” he said. “I had no ideal If only I had known before now.”
“Where the hell have you been?” Hammer’s groggy voice came over the line.
“I can’t tell you,” Andy said. “Not now. I know that may seem rude and unfair, but I’ve been doing research and investigating a matter that I really don’t have time to discuss at the moment. But suffice it to say that when I outlined the essays I planned to write for the website, my agenda did not include Tangier Island or dental fraud, so I’ve been busy–very busy–trying to find out everything I can about the Islanders, and I’ve got to get off the phone and start writing …”