“Wooo, girl, what’s going on here?” Macovich muttered to himself as he noted that the minivan was driving a bit erratically, slowing down and speeding up, swerving and trying to switch lanes to pass.
Macovich flipped on the specially equipped limousine’s blue grill lights and got on the bumper in front of him, forcing the motorist to pull off on the shoulder. He did the same thing to the next car, and was now on the minivan’s rear, his emergency lights strobing.
“What’s going on?” Regina asked as she tried a few pats of the face powder Barbie had given to her.
“I’m just trying to get us through all this traffic, ” Macovich said as he managed to nudge into the left lane and get parallel to the minivan.
He started waving at Hooter, trying to get her attention, and when she finally looked over and saw him, after Barbie brought him and the limousine to her attention, Hooter made a face of distress and mouthed help!
“Shit!” Macovich said, because he was not allowed to make traffic stops or get involved in incidents while he was driving the governor.
He shrugged, as if to tell Hooter there was nothing he could do. He pointed toward the back of the limousine and drew a box in the air to indicate he was carrying The Package. Hooter rolled her eyes and mouthed help! again as she pointed to the back of the minivan and held up six fingers and then wiggled two fingers to suggest six people running. Macovich frowned and wondered what she was trying to say. Six passengers in back who were running? Wooo, he thought. Didn’t six inmates just break out of jail not too far from here, and if normal, innocent people were in back of the van, then why were they ducking out of sight?
Macovich got on his radio and called for backup units while he motioned for Hooter to get her ditzy-looking driver to somehow pull off the road.
Girlfriend, ” Hooter said loudly to Barbie. “I is so sorry, but I got to use the lady’s room, and I mean got to. ”
“Forget it!” Cat’s urgent voice drifted up from the floor in back. “We’re not stopping until we get outta all this traffic and to some place where there ain’t no police!”
“Let me tell you something, ” Hooter tossed over the seat, “when a lady say she gotta stop, then she gotta stop, you understand what I’m saying? Didn’t your mama raise you right, huh? Didn’t she teach you nothing about ladies and their monthly spells, and how a lady can be riding along minding her own business when all a sudden, she feels her fertility waking up when it wasn’t expected for two more days?”
The men on the floor in back fell silent.
“So, girlfriend, you just pull over right up there at the Hess station and I’ll run in. I’ll be quick, but I sure hope I ain’t gonna get the cramps. Oh Lord, please don’t let me get the cramps. ”
Barbie was so concerned she momentarily forgot the inmates inside her minivan. Barbie had suffered terribly from cramps when she was younger, and she understood completely how unbearable and debilitating they could be. She flipped on her right turn signal and reached over to pat Hooter’s arm.
“Just drive! “Trader ordered.
“Do you have any Midol?” Barbie asked Hooter.
“Uh uh, ohhhh, ” Hooter replied with a groan as she held her belly. “Ohhhh! I didn’t bring nothing ’cause I wasn’t expecting my periot. Ohhhhhh! Lord, why this have to happen on today of all days?”
“I am very sorry, ” Reverend Justice said with feeling as he inhaled a mouthful of dust from the carpeted floor and shoved Cat’s foot out of his face. “I’ll pray that the Good Lord deliver you from The Cramps. Dear Lord”-he sneezed twice–“please deliver this woman, your servant, from The Cramps. I claim your powers of healing in the name of Je-sus!”
“Ohhhhhh, ” Hooter moaned louder as the minivan crept ahead in the barely moving gridlock of race fans, all of whom were getting out of sorts and worrying about missing the start of the race, when the pace car would roar out onto the track and Air Force F-16s would fly over in formation.